"Piranha 3-D"

Movie Review

By Christopher Smith

Among the new films that opened in area theaters this week, only one will leave a lasting, horrifying impression--in a good way. It's "Piranha 3-D," and for fans of cult B-movies, this movie has no pre-conceived airs about what it should be other than an absurd slaughterfest that winks broadly at audiences while ripping to shreds more naked co-eds than you can count.

It’s important to underscore that this is a B-movie, with all that implies. If you’re coming to the film hoping for a horror movie that plays it straight, this isn't for you. Camp hovers all along its fringe and often, it takes center stage.

The title itself is a work of art. You've got your piranhas. You've got your 3-D. Do you even need an advertising campaign with that title? The answer is no, and the good news is that director Alexander Aja is smart enough to deliver plenty of cheap, over-the-top thrills, the lot of which occur during spring break (of course) at a lake in Arizona.

Trouble is, a little earthquake underwater has unleashed hundreds of the ravenous little monster fish, who pick off people one by one, until the film really lets go in a bloody finale that's so twisted, the way it's played here is at once gross--and kind of a riot.

Elisabeth Shue is Sheriff Julie Forester (it's nice to see the underused Shue back onscreen again, particularly playing a character nobody wants to mess with), and Ving Rhames is her hulking sidekick, Depute Fallon. Joining the mayhem are Christopher Lloyd, Eli Roth, Jerry O'Connell and even Richard Dreyfuss, who many will remember starred a little film called "Jaws." Not that this movie will let you forget it.

In fact, "Piranha 3-D" is all about jaws, it's all about giving fans a fierce blast from the past, and for the most part, it gets the job done.

Grade: B-

"Piranha 3-D"

Movie Review

By Christopher Smith

Among the new films that opened in area theaters this week, only one will leave a lasting, horrifying impression--in a good way. It's "Piranha 3-D," and for fans of cult B-movies, this movie has no pre-conceived airs about what it should be other than an absurd slaughterfest that winks broadly at audiences while ripping to shreds more naked co-eds than you can count.

It’s important to underscore that this is a B-movie, with all that implies. If you’re coming to the film hoping for a horror movie that plays it straight, this isn't for you. Camp hovers all along its fringe and often, it takes center stage.

The title itself is a work of art. You've got your piranhas. You've got your 3-D. Do you even need an advertising campaign with that title? The answer is no, and the good news is that director Alexander Aja is smart enough to deliver plenty of cheap, over-the-top thrills, the lot of which occur during spring break (of course) at a lake in Arizona.

Trouble is, a little earthquake underwater has unleashed hundreds of the ravenous little monster fish, who pick off people one by one, until the film really lets go in a bloody finale that's so twisted, the way it's played here is at once gross--and kind of a riot.

Elisabeth Shue is Sheriff Julie Forester (it's nice to see the underused Shue back onscreen again, particularly playing a character nobody wants to mess with), and Ving Rhames is her hulking sidekick, Depute Fallon. Joining the mayhem are Christopher Lloyd, Eli Roth, Jerry O'Connell and even Richard Dreyfuss, who many will remember starred a little film called "Jaws." Not that this movie will let you forget it.

In fact, "Piranha 3-D" is all about jaws, it's all about giving fans a fierce blast from the past, and for the most part, it gets the job done.

Grade: B-

"Chaw"

Movie Review

By our guest blogger, Aidan Thomas

"Chaw," the South-Korean import by Director Jeong-Won Shin, is as ambitious as it is sloppy.

Shin’s film, about a giant boar that ravages a town, had so much campy potential. I mean, who doesn’t want to see a film where people are killed by something or someone that they helped to create (and a giant boar to boot)?

It’s an age-old formula for an entertaining film. However, Shin seems to have spread himself and his story too thin. The film attempted a lot but didn't achieve much of anything. In the first 15 minutes, we are presented with animal rights documentary footage, a typical horror movie opening sequence, a critique of capitalistic pursuit, and an introduction of police incompetence. Each of these subjects is worthy of a film but Shin struggles to tie them altogether in the film.

The film is also downright silly. Silliness has become an endearing quality in recent South Korean films ("The Host" is the perfect example). However, the characters in "Chaw" are not well developed or likeable enough to make the sillyness endearing. It also undermined the fairly serious undertones that the film tries to explore.

That’s not to say there aren’t a few likeable aspects of the movie. The relationship between the two hunters that are called upon to kill the boar is fairly well developed and smart (albeit a tad clichéd). There also are a few pretty awesome boar rampage sequences. But it wasn't enough to tie the film together. In the end, it seemed as if Shin overreached. In trying to do and say too much, the film doesn’t say much at all.


Grade: C-

"Chaw"

Movie Review

By our guest blogger, Aidan Thomas

"Chaw," the South-Korean import by Director Jeong-Won Shin, is as ambitious as it is sloppy.

Shin’s film, about a giant boar that ravages a town, had so much campy potential. I mean, who doesn’t want to see a film where people are killed by something or someone that they helped to create (and a giant boar to boot)?

It’s an age-old formula for an entertaining film. However, Shin seems to have spread himself and his story too thin. The film attempted a lot but didn't achieve much of anything. In the first 15 minutes, we are presented with animal rights documentary footage, a typical horror movie opening sequence, a critique of capitalistic pursuit, and an introduction of police incompetence. Each of these subjects is worthy of a film but Shin struggles to tie them altogether in the film.

The film is also downright silly. Silliness has become an endearing quality in recent South Korean films ("The Host" is the perfect example). However, the characters in "Chaw" are not well developed or likeable enough to make the sillyness endearing. It also undermined the fairly serious undertones that the film tries to explore.

That’s not to say there aren’t a few likeable aspects of the movie. The relationship between the two hunters that are called upon to kill the boar is fairly well developed and smart (albeit a tad clichéd). There also are a few pretty awesome boar rampage sequences. But it wasn't enough to tie the film together. In the end, it seemed as if Shin overreached. In trying to do and say too much, the film doesn’t say much at all.


Grade: C-

DVD, Blu-ray Movie Review

"Ninja Assassin"

Directed by James McTeigue, written by Matthew Sand and J. Michael Straczynski, rated R, 99 minutes.

By our guest blogger, Rob Stammitti

To call "V for Vendetta" director James McTeigue's sophomore feature gratuitous would be an overwhelming understatement. It's hard to come by a scene where someone isn't being gutted or dismembered in increasingly violent ways, limbs flying every which way and bright, cartoonish blood spraying every dry spot in a room. "Ninja Assassin" is, appropriately, about a ninja assassin named Raizo, who is on a vengeful journey to kill the man that made him the mad killing machine he is. It's one of the emptiest revenge stories ever committed to celluloid, and it's by far one of the worst films to come out of 2009.

Raizo is portrayed by South Korean pop singer Rain, who was hired by the Wachowski Brothers (who produced the film) after being impressed by his action film abilities in their film "Speed Racer." Funny that they found him so impressive when the scene in question was 90 percent computer generated, but that's beside the point. Rain is suitable enough for the role, but the character is so one-note that it wouldn't really matter who played him.

Raizo is kidnapped and raised from infancy in the Ozunu Clan, an age-old group that trains children to be cold-blooded ninja assassins. Raizo makes the mistake of falling in love with one of the only women in the clan, and when she attempts to escape and is subsequently killed, Raizo finds himself split between his fate in the Clan and his desire to leave and live a normal life in the real world. He eventually escapes and goes about the world murdering members of his former Clan, and eventually meets a Europol agent (Naomie Harris) investigating the group and joining forces with her when she becomes a target.

The plot is insanely incoherent, with new motives and personal histories popping up for the sake of convenience and characters randomly changing from allies to villains and back every few minutes. This isn't particularly surprising when you discover J. Michael Straczynski rushed out the screenplay in a little over two days. The whole thing would be partially forgivable if the film was made with the understanding that this is all campy nonsense, but there are so many pathetic attempts at profundity in the film that it appears they're taking the whole thing seriously.

Also incoherent are the action scenes, which are few and far between.  Still, when they do arise, they're almost all exactly the same and they're literally all between Raizo and a dozen or so ninjas dressed in black, and everytime in a nearly pitch-black room where hardly anything can be seen except the silver of shurikens and swords and the aforementioned shimmery pools of blood. Every action sequence follows one particular formula as well, I noticed this--Raizo fights ninjas, ninjas get upper-hand, Raizo jumps through window/off ledge/into traffic in slow motion, ninjas catch up to him, repeat. To call these sequences dreadfully boring would be generous.

The direction is generally competent, which is to be expected, as "V for Vendetta" was rather well-made. The primary difference between that film and "Ninja Assassin" is that there was a purpose to the violence, it served as a catharsis for its protagonist, whose motives were entirely understandable and whose character arc was believable from frame one. That is definitely not the case here, and it almost brings to question the legitimacy of "Vendetta"'s brilliance--was the film good solely because of the source material? Is McTeigue just another director in the long line of those who hold style over substance?

Whatever the case, McTeigue (as well as the Wachowskis) have really taken a step down with this one. It's a wild mess, and it commits the worst crime a messy film can make--it completely lacks entertainment. It's an overly violent, unintelligible bore.

Grade: D

View the trailer for "Ninja Assassin" below.  Thoughts?

DVD, Blu-ray Movie Review

"Ninja Assassin"

Directed by James McTeigue, written by Matthew Sand and J. Michael Straczynski, rated R, 99 minutes.

By our guest blogger, Rob Stammitti

To call "V for Vendetta" director James McTeigue's sophomore feature gratuitous would be an overwhelming understatement. It's hard to come by a scene where someone isn't being gutted or dismembered in increasingly violent ways, limbs flying every which way and bright, cartoonish blood spraying every dry spot in a room. "Ninja Assassin" is, appropriately, about a ninja assassin named Raizo, who is on a vengeful journey to kill the man that made him the mad killing machine he is. It's one of the emptiest revenge stories ever committed to celluloid, and it's by far one of the worst films to come out of 2009.

Raizo is portrayed by South Korean pop singer Rain, who was hired by the Wachowski Brothers (who produced the film) after being impressed by his action film abilities in their film "Speed Racer." Funny that they found him so impressive when the scene in question was 90 percent computer generated, but that's beside the point. Rain is suitable enough for the role, but the character is so one-note that it wouldn't really matter who played him.

Raizo is kidnapped and raised from infancy in the Ozunu Clan, an age-old group that trains children to be cold-blooded ninja assassins. Raizo makes the mistake of falling in love with one of the only women in the clan, and when she attempts to escape and is subsequently killed, Raizo finds himself split between his fate in the Clan and his desire to leave and live a normal life in the real world. He eventually escapes and goes about the world murdering members of his former Clan, and eventually meets a Europol agent (Naomie Harris) investigating the group and joining forces with her when she becomes a target.

The plot is insanely incoherent, with new motives and personal histories popping up for the sake of convenience and characters randomly changing from allies to villains and back every few minutes. This isn't particularly surprising when you discover J. Michael Straczynski rushed out the screenplay in a little over two days. The whole thing would be partially forgivable if the film was made with the understanding that this is all campy nonsense, but there are so many pathetic attempts at profundity in the film that it appears they're taking the whole thing seriously.

Also incoherent are the action scenes, which are few and far between.  Still, when they do arise, they're almost all exactly the same and they're literally all between Raizo and a dozen or so ninjas dressed in black, and everytime in a nearly pitch-black room where hardly anything can be seen except the silver of shurikens and swords and the aforementioned shimmery pools of blood. Every action sequence follows one particular formula as well, I noticed this--Raizo fights ninjas, ninjas get upper-hand, Raizo jumps through window/off ledge/into traffic in slow motion, ninjas catch up to him, repeat. To call these sequences dreadfully boring would be generous.

The direction is generally competent, which is to be expected, as "V for Vendetta" was rather well-made. The primary difference between that film and "Ninja Assassin" is that there was a purpose to the violence, it served as a catharsis for its protagonist, whose motives were entirely understandable and whose character arc was believable from frame one. That is definitely not the case here, and it almost brings to question the legitimacy of "Vendetta"'s brilliance--was the film good solely because of the source material? Is McTeigue just another director in the long line of those who hold style over substance?

Whatever the case, McTeigue (as well as the Wachowskis) have really taken a step down with this one. It's a wild mess, and it commits the worst crime a messy film can make--it completely lacks entertainment. It's an overly violent, unintelligible bore.

Grade: D

View the trailer for "Ninja Assassin" below.  Thoughts?

Movie Review

"Daybreakers"

Directed by Peter and Michael Spierig, written by the Spierig brothers, 98 minutes, rated R.

By our guest blogger, Rob Stammitti

It is the year 2019. For 10 years, the human race has slowly come closer and closer to extinction following the mass turning of most of the world's population into vampires, and these certainly aren't your little sister's sparkly ones. The planet has hardly changed, however--though most humans have become vampires, they still live in normal homes and work normal jobs, they just happen to have a constant craving for blood and get quite a bit more than a sunburn in the daytime.

Ethan Hawke is Edward Dalton, a doctor tasked with finding a replacement to blood due to the decreasing supply of farmed human blood. Edward has never been very taken with his new lifestyle--he strives more to find a cure for vampirism than to extend the life of this new, far more terrifying human species. He finds hope when he meets a seemingly cured vampire named Lionel (call him "Elvis"), who hopes to both cure the human race and repopulate the planet before it's too late.

Sounds like dreadfully serious stuff, but you'd be surprised. The Spierig brothers are known in their native Australia for mixing horror and comedy much in the same vein as Sam Raimi has with his "Evil Dead" films and "Drag Me to Hell," or perhaps more appropriately the recent neo-grindhouse films by Rob Zombie, Eli Roth and the like. The Spierigs play it straight, but they fill their dark dystopic world with cheesy references to vampire lore, over-the-top dialogue, and action sequences that bring more chuckles than thrills.

That's not to say the brothers are by any means incompetent directors. They know what they're doing, and the film's a riot. In fact, the entire style of the film itself seems to be one big joke. Huge, overdramatic setpieces with epic music, beautifully choreographed slow-motion sequences showing people getting torn apart or flying through the air--the Spierigs seem to be mocking both dystopian fiction and the typical Hollywood action film by overstylizing ordinary occurences and pointing out how silly all the cliches are. Basically, the film is fantastically directed, and that the Spierigs display their talent so deftly but as one big joke brings to question if this even is the best they can do.

The performances are tough to judge.  Depending on whether you take the film at heart or not, the hammy acting may not appear too impressive. But taken as the silly, unpretentious work it is, everyone is up to par (especially Willem Defoe as Elvis, at the top of his game and quite reminiscent of his insane and insanely funny "Boondock Saints" performance). Hawke, typically playing a man in way over his head, fits his straight-man turned hero role perfectly.

Of course, I can't go without confronting what seems to be the overall purpose of the film. The vampires' overuse of resources (blood, in this case) is a parallel to our modern troubles regarding resources such as oil, water, etc. As important as this theme is, it comes off as just another ploy in mocking today's Hollywood entertainment, which always seeks to carry some sort of blatant message without really having a solution. Whether this is the case or not, I couldn't help but take it that way, and it makes the overall grindhouse interpretation of the film all the more appropriate.

Overall, if you go into the film expecting some darkly serious and profound experience, you're very likely to be disappointed. But if you like your entertainment to be completely unpretentious and to have a good sense of humor about itself, "Daybreakers" is definitely one for you. A bloody, fun start to the new year.

Grade: B

View the trailer for the movie "Daybreakers" below. What are your thoughts?

Movie Review

"Daybreakers"

Directed by Peter and Michael Spierig, written by the Spierig brothers, 98 minutes, rated R.

By our guest blogger, Rob Stammitti

It is the year 2019. For 10 years, the human race has slowly come closer and closer to extinction following the mass turning of most of the world's population into vampires, and these certainly aren't your little sister's sparkly ones. The planet has hardly changed, however--though most humans have become vampires, they still live in normal homes and work normal jobs, they just happen to have a constant craving for blood and get quite a bit more than a sunburn in the daytime.

Ethan Hawke is Edward Dalton, a doctor tasked with finding a replacement to blood due to the decreasing supply of farmed human blood. Edward has never been very taken with his new lifestyle--he strives more to find a cure for vampirism than to extend the life of this new, far more terrifying human species. He finds hope when he meets a seemingly cured vampire named Lionel (call him "Elvis"), who hopes to both cure the human race and repopulate the planet before it's too late.

Sounds like dreadfully serious stuff, but you'd be surprised. The Spierig brothers are known in their native Australia for mixing horror and comedy much in the same vein as Sam Raimi has with his "Evil Dead" films and "Drag Me to Hell," or perhaps more appropriately the recent neo-grindhouse films by Rob Zombie, Eli Roth and the like. The Spierigs play it straight, but they fill their dark dystopic world with cheesy references to vampire lore, over-the-top dialogue, and action sequences that bring more chuckles than thrills.

That's not to say the brothers are by any means incompetent directors. They know what they're doing, and the film's a riot. In fact, the entire style of the film itself seems to be one big joke. Huge, overdramatic setpieces with epic music, beautifully choreographed slow-motion sequences showing people getting torn apart or flying through the air--the Spierigs seem to be mocking both dystopian fiction and the typical Hollywood action film by overstylizing ordinary occurences and pointing out how silly all the cliches are. Basically, the film is fantastically directed, and that the Spierigs display their talent so deftly but as one big joke brings to question if this even is the best they can do.

The performances are tough to judge.  Depending on whether you take the film at heart or not, the hammy acting may not appear too impressive. But taken as the silly, unpretentious work it is, everyone is up to par (especially Willem Defoe as Elvis, at the top of his game and quite reminiscent of his insane and insanely funny "Boondock Saints" performance). Hawke, typically playing a man in way over his head, fits his straight-man turned hero role perfectly.

Of course, I can't go without confronting what seems to be the overall purpose of the film. The vampires' overuse of resources (blood, in this case) is a parallel to our modern troubles regarding resources such as oil, water, etc. As important as this theme is, it comes off as just another ploy in mocking today's Hollywood entertainment, which always seeks to carry some sort of blatant message without really having a solution. Whether this is the case or not, I couldn't help but take it that way, and it makes the overall grindhouse interpretation of the film all the more appropriate.

Overall, if you go into the film expecting some darkly serious and profound experience, you're very likely to be disappointed. But if you like your entertainment to be completely unpretentious and to have a good sense of humor about itself, "Daybreakers" is definitely one for you. A bloody, fun start to the new year.

Grade: B

View the trailer for the movie "Daybreakers" below. What are your thoughts?

DVD, Blu-ray Movie Review

“Jennifer’s Body”

Directed by Karyn Kusama, written by Diablo Cody, 102 minutes, rated R.

By Christopher Smith

Karyn Kusama's "Jennifer’s Body,” really is about Megan Fox’s body, which is honed and toned into the sort of flawless shape that many would have appreciated had people actually turned out to see the movie, which they didn’t upon its initial theatrical release.

Now that it's available on DVD and Blu-ray disc, well, we'll see, especially since the movie itself could have benefitted by going under the knife....


The story she cranked out is reduced to this: Jennifer (Fox) is longtime best friends with the less-attractive Needy Lesnicki (Amanda Seyfried), whose name sounds something like “lesbian” because lesbian undercurrents run throughout the movie. Isn’t that clever? So is this: Their friendship is a classic cliche--pretty girl boosts her self-esteem by sticking close to a friend who will fuel it.

That’s Needy for you. She’ll do anything for Jennifer, including going into some random bar where some random Satanic band is playing some random rock music. Convinced Jennifer is a virgin (ha, ha, ha), the band members decide to scurry her away into their van and then do all sorts of uncool voodoo stuff to her. The result? Jennifer and her body are turned into some sort of blood-munching demon thing while poor Needy’s life becomes a hot hell-fire mess because of it.

“Jennifer’s Body” has issues. It wants to walk that fine line between comedy and horror. On paper, this is why Cody was an inspired choice to write the script--as anyone who saw “Juno” knows, Cody has a way with a cutting quip.

Unfortunately, her wit is wasted here, party because she doesn’t seem inspired by her own material and partly because Fox doesn’t have the required bite to carry off the good writing when it hits. Essentially, she’s a poseur posing onscreen, and while she looks great doing so, you wish there was some intelligence within that body to give the movie the boost it needs.

Grade: C-

View the trailer for "Jennifer's Body" here:

DVD, Blu-ray Movie Review

“Jennifer’s Body”

Directed by Karyn Kusama, written by Diablo Cody, 102 minutes, rated R.

By Christopher Smith

Karyn Kusama's "Jennifer’s Body,” really is about Megan Fox’s body, which is honed and toned into the sort of flawless shape that many would have appreciated had people actually turned out to see the movie, which they didn’t upon its initial theatrical release.

Now that it's available on DVD and Blu-ray disc, well, we'll see, especially since the movie itself could have benefitted by going under the knife....


The story she cranked out is reduced to this: Jennifer (Fox) is longtime best friends with the less-attractive Needy Lesnicki (Amanda Seyfried), whose name sounds something like “lesbian” because lesbian undercurrents run throughout the movie. Isn’t that clever? So is this: Their friendship is a classic cliche--pretty girl boosts her self-esteem by sticking close to a friend who will fuel it.

That’s Needy for you. She’ll do anything for Jennifer, including going into some random bar where some random Satanic band is playing some random rock music. Convinced Jennifer is a virgin (ha, ha, ha), the band members decide to scurry her away into their van and then do all sorts of uncool voodoo stuff to her. The result? Jennifer and her body are turned into some sort of blood-munching demon thing while poor Needy’s life becomes a hot hell-fire mess because of it.

“Jennifer’s Body” has issues. It wants to walk that fine line between comedy and horror. On paper, this is why Cody was an inspired choice to write the script--as anyone who saw “Juno” knows, Cody has a way with a cutting quip.

Unfortunately, her wit is wasted here, party because she doesn’t seem inspired by her own material and partly because Fox doesn’t have the required bite to carry off the good writing when it hits. Essentially, she’s a poseur posing onscreen, and while she looks great doing so, you wish there was some intelligence within that body to give the movie the boost it needs.

Grade: C-

View the trailer for "Jennifer's Body" here:

Movie review

“The Twilight Saga: New Moon”

Directed by Chris Weitz, written by Melissa Rosenberg, 1330 minutes, rated PG-13.

By Christopher Smith

The new Christ Weitz movie, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon,” had the sold-out audience at my screening heaving and sighing so often--usually when a young man’s shirt came off, which was often--here’s a recommendation for those who haven’t seen it: Bring an oxygen tank. You’ll need it and a mask, particularly in the presence of so much heaving and sighing and busy shirtlessness.

I’m telling you, if the crowd is packed, the air will be sucked free from the room. Just saying.

This follow-up to “Twilight,” which also is based on a Stephenie Meyers’ best-selling novel, is custom-made for hormonal tween girls just as the “Star Wars” movies were made for sci-fi loving young boys.

So, let’s give it up to its creators because regardless of how drawn out and dumb this movie is, with $142 million in the bank last weekend alone, this movie knows what its audience wants--shirtless boys, chaste kisses, and a female character caught between the hotness of two hotties (a werewolf, a vampire) who apparently is willing to throw garlic cloves to the wind to give her soul to the latter.

About the young woman in question--her name is Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), she’s slumming in Forks, Washington with her single dad, Charlie (Billy Burke), and her hormones are boiling over as if lit by a satanic hellfire.

We don’t know this because Bella expresses her emotions easily--she’s nearly a mute, poor thing, parting her lips but saying as little as possible--but because when the vampire, Edward (Robert Pattinson), decides he must remove himself from her life in order to protect her from his kind, she literally writhes in pain, screams out in agony and has nightmares that suggests one hell of an epic yearning.

With Edward gone for most of the movie, there to pick up the pieces for Bella is Jacob (Taylor Lautner), her lifelong friend who wants more than a friendship with her. Together, they grow close over motorcycles, mutual sidelong glances and his bulging new muscles. But here’s the thing--turns out Jacob has a gene that allows him to morph into a werewolf.

Who knew? He didn’t. And here’s the real issue at hand. Just as with Edward, if the two take the risk of edging toward sexual intimacy, Jacob could potentially harm her if things got out of hand between them. After all, all one has to do is look at the shredded face of one of the wives of Jacob’s werewolf leaders to know how dire having sexy times with a werewolf can be. Just as it could with Edward, it might cost Bella her life, or at the very least, a disfigurement. And who wants that?

Bella does--of course, she does--though not with Jacob. She wants Edward, who appears to her in ghostly flashes during those moments when she nearly harms herself. These moments fuel her desire for him even more--he wouldn’t appear to her if he didn’t love her!--and so as the movie unfolds, she becomes more and more determined to have him back in her life so she can strip down and give him her, um, soul.

What unspools from this is another glum film about the perils of teen intimacy that still finds life hinging on abstinence and morality. While those are fine messages to send out to young audiences, the way its played here is so brooding, its nearly bloodless. That is, of course, until the film’s final moments, when real heat emerges in Italy.

Just what goes down there, we’ll leave for you, but it says a lot for the movie that the two most interesting characters come at the end--Dakota Fanning rules the screen as a dead vampire zealot with a mean stare, a tight golden bun and a hot clip, and Michael Sheen creates all kinds of chaos as the leader of all vampires. Each ooze menace to the point that you think--finally, characters who fill up a room, tear up the scenery and allow fear to creep into your heart. These two actors are so superior to the juiceless love otherwise served up in the movie, you can’t help wishing they had a movie of their own.

Grade: C-


View the trailer for "Twilight Saga: New Moon" below. Thoughts?

Movie review

“The Twilight Saga: New Moon”

Directed by Chris Weitz, written by Melissa Rosenberg, 1330 minutes, rated PG-13.

By Christopher Smith

The new Christ Weitz movie, “The Twilight Saga: New Moon,” had the sold-out audience at my screening heaving and sighing so often--usually when a young man’s shirt came off, which was often--here’s a recommendation for those who haven’t seen it: Bring an oxygen tank. You’ll need it and a mask, particularly in the presence of so much heaving and sighing and busy shirtlessness.

I’m telling you, if the crowd is packed, the air will be sucked free from the room. Just saying.

This follow-up to “Twilight,” which also is based on a Stephenie Meyers’ best-selling novel, is custom-made for hormonal tween girls just as the “Star Wars” movies were made for sci-fi loving young boys.

So, let’s give it up to its creators because regardless of how drawn out and dumb this movie is, with $142 million in the bank last weekend alone, this movie knows what its audience wants--shirtless boys, chaste kisses, and a female character caught between the hotness of two hotties (a werewolf, a vampire) who apparently is willing to throw garlic cloves to the wind to give her soul to the latter.

About the young woman in question--her name is Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), she’s slumming in Forks, Washington with her single dad, Charlie (Billy Burke), and her hormones are boiling over as if lit by a satanic hellfire.

We don’t know this because Bella expresses her emotions easily--she’s nearly a mute, poor thing, parting her lips but saying as little as possible--but because when the vampire, Edward (Robert Pattinson), decides he must remove himself from her life in order to protect her from his kind, she literally writhes in pain, screams out in agony and has nightmares that suggests one hell of an epic yearning.

With Edward gone for most of the movie, there to pick up the pieces for Bella is Jacob (Taylor Lautner), her lifelong friend who wants more than a friendship with her. Together, they grow close over motorcycles, mutual sidelong glances and his bulging new muscles. But here’s the thing--turns out Jacob has a gene that allows him to morph into a werewolf.

Who knew? He didn’t. And here’s the real issue at hand. Just as with Edward, if the two take the risk of edging toward sexual intimacy, Jacob could potentially harm her if things got out of hand between them. After all, all one has to do is look at the shredded face of one of the wives of Jacob’s werewolf leaders to know how dire having sexy times with a werewolf can be. Just as it could with Edward, it might cost Bella her life, or at the very least, a disfigurement. And who wants that?

Bella does--of course, she does--though not with Jacob. She wants Edward, who appears to her in ghostly flashes during those moments when she nearly harms herself. These moments fuel her desire for him even more--he wouldn’t appear to her if he didn’t love her!--and so as the movie unfolds, she becomes more and more determined to have him back in her life so she can strip down and give him her, um, soul.

What unspools from this is another glum film about the perils of teen intimacy that still finds life hinging on abstinence and morality. While those are fine messages to send out to young audiences, the way its played here is so brooding, its nearly bloodless. That is, of course, until the film’s final moments, when real heat emerges in Italy.

Just what goes down there, we’ll leave for you, but it says a lot for the movie that the two most interesting characters come at the end--Dakota Fanning rules the screen as a dead vampire zealot with a mean stare, a tight golden bun and a hot clip, and Michael Sheen creates all kinds of chaos as the leader of all vampires. Each ooze menace to the point that you think--finally, characters who fill up a room, tear up the scenery and allow fear to creep into your heart. These two actors are so superior to the juiceless love otherwise served up in the movie, you can’t help wishing they had a movie of their own.

Grade: C-


View the trailer for "Twilight Saga: New Moon" below. Thoughts?

Movie Review

"The Twilight Saga: New Moon"

Directed by Chris Weitz, written by Melissa Rosenberg, rated PG-13, 130 minutes.

By our guest blogger, Gavin Stone

First and foremost, I have read these books and I think Stephenie Meyer is a twit. I have no clue how this saga of a whiny teenaged girl who thinks she knows everything has become so popular. It’s kind of insulting actually to know that this is what our world has come to--Vampires are disco balls in the sun and kids know everything.

The first movie "Twilight" movie introduced Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), who had just moved in with her estranged father in Washington, and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), who is part of a mysterious yet friendly vampire clan.

Girl meet boy, boy is undead. Girl whines about wanting to be undead. End of story. The first movie seemed rushed and forced. Now, I was dragged to "New Moon" by the missus. Yes, I do like the book (It was so much better than the first), but did I want to sit through two hours of pointless teen angst? Nope. In "New Moon," Edward leaves Bella for her own protection, and she takes it really hard. She bonds with her childhood friend Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) and realizes that when she puts herself in danger, she can see Edward in her mind scolding her. So she becomes an adrenaline junkie and uses Jacob to get that high. Only some feelings emerge between the two. Oh, and Jacob becomes a Werewolf, sworn enemy of the vampires. When Edward thinks Bella is dead, he decides to end his life by having the vampire council--The Volturi--kill him. Bella runs off to save him and leaves Jacob behind.

Let’s be clear--not many over the age of 20 have had a lot of good things to say about this movie. I went in expecting to hate it but instead I really kinda liked it.

Is it a good movie? Not really, but then it is not supposed to be “Casablanca." At no time does this movie not know who it is aimed at. I heard a lot of groans from adults in the theater but every tween girl sighed every time a shirt came off. And a lot of shirts came off until the young men just stopped wearing them altogether. My only complaint is that this movie began to drag about half way through. Coming in at a hefty two hours, this story could have used some more editing. The pacing is slow.

Sensibility wise, the characters in this movie are infuriating. Bella Swan is a whiny teen girl who will give up everything for a guy. Edward isn’t even a worthwhile guy to give your life for. He is flaky and overbearing. On the other hand, you have Jacob, who is grounded in reality and generally a good guy. Yet stupid girl goes for the wrong guy. As an adult, I look at this and just sigh. The stupidity of youth. This is what legions of girls are looking up to. All the girls in the audience are eating it up--mad, corny dialogue and all. I weep for our future.

Yet all of the other complaints about this movie are pretty unfounded. For one, critics have torn apart the acting. In all reality, these are kids acting like kids. Look around you. Kids are kids. They are not Kurt Douglas. Give them some credit. I have worked around tweens all my life and yes, they don't exactly possess much range. Also under fire is the whole glitter-skinned vampire deal. Do I like it? No. Vampires are not sparkly. But why couldn’t they be? We let zombies run. Why can’t a vampire sparkle? It’s just another take on a classic monster that has been done to death.

"New Moon" is 100 percent better than the original "Twilight." If you can’t really sit through the first one, don’t see this one. If you are like me and can tolerate "Twilight," then ‘New Moon’ will definitely be far more entertaining.

View the trailer for "Twilight Saga: New Moon" below. Thoughts on the movie?

Movie Review

"The Twilight Saga: New Moon"

Directed by Chris Weitz, written by Melissa Rosenberg, rated PG-13, 130 minutes.

By our guest blogger, Gavin Stone

First and foremost, I have read these books and I think Stephenie Meyer is a twit. I have no clue how this saga of a whiny teenaged girl who thinks she knows everything has become so popular. It’s kind of insulting actually to know that this is what our world has come to--Vampires are disco balls in the sun and kids know everything.

The first movie "Twilight" movie introduced Bella Swan (Kristen Stewart), who had just moved in with her estranged father in Washington, and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson), who is part of a mysterious yet friendly vampire clan.

Girl meet boy, boy is undead. Girl whines about wanting to be undead. End of story. The first movie seemed rushed and forced. Now, I was dragged to "New Moon" by the missus. Yes, I do like the book (It was so much better than the first), but did I want to sit through two hours of pointless teen angst? Nope. In "New Moon," Edward leaves Bella for her own protection, and she takes it really hard. She bonds with her childhood friend Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner) and realizes that when she puts herself in danger, she can see Edward in her mind scolding her. So she becomes an adrenaline junkie and uses Jacob to get that high. Only some feelings emerge between the two. Oh, and Jacob becomes a Werewolf, sworn enemy of the vampires. When Edward thinks Bella is dead, he decides to end his life by having the vampire council--The Volturi--kill him. Bella runs off to save him and leaves Jacob behind.

Let’s be clear--not many over the age of 20 have had a lot of good things to say about this movie. I went in expecting to hate it but instead I really kinda liked it.

Is it a good movie? Not really, but then it is not supposed to be “Casablanca." At no time does this movie not know who it is aimed at. I heard a lot of groans from adults in the theater but every tween girl sighed every time a shirt came off. And a lot of shirts came off until the young men just stopped wearing them altogether. My only complaint is that this movie began to drag about half way through. Coming in at a hefty two hours, this story could have used some more editing. The pacing is slow.

Sensibility wise, the characters in this movie are infuriating. Bella Swan is a whiny teen girl who will give up everything for a guy. Edward isn’t even a worthwhile guy to give your life for. He is flaky and overbearing. On the other hand, you have Jacob, who is grounded in reality and generally a good guy. Yet stupid girl goes for the wrong guy. As an adult, I look at this and just sigh. The stupidity of youth. This is what legions of girls are looking up to. All the girls in the audience are eating it up--mad, corny dialogue and all. I weep for our future.

Yet all of the other complaints about this movie are pretty unfounded. For one, critics have torn apart the acting. In all reality, these are kids acting like kids. Look around you. Kids are kids. They are not Kurt Douglas. Give them some credit. I have worked around tweens all my life and yes, they don't exactly possess much range. Also under fire is the whole glitter-skinned vampire deal. Do I like it? No. Vampires are not sparkly. But why couldn’t they be? We let zombies run. Why can’t a vampire sparkle? It’s just another take on a classic monster that has been done to death.

"New Moon" is 100 percent better than the original "Twilight." If you can’t really sit through the first one, don’t see this one. If you are like me and can tolerate "Twilight," then ‘New Moon’ will definitely be far more entertaining.

View the trailer for "Twilight Saga: New Moon" below. Thoughts on the movie?

Movie, DVD Review

(Originally published 2002)

Leave it to Hollywood to try to keep spinning gold from toxic waste.

Ever since the mid-1950s, when B-movie classics such as "Them!," "Tarantula" and "The Deadly Mantis" proved there's nothing financially itsy-bitsy about big bugs gone berserk, Hollywood has delivered a wealth of creature-features starring the leggy beasts, from such insect-infested shockers as "Beginning of the End,” “Earth vs. The Spider" and "Invasion of the Bee Girls" to the more recent "Tremors," "Starship Troopers" and "Mimic."

Now, in this definitive summer of the spider, the toxic creepy-crawlies have come creeping again, this time in the form of Ellory Elkayem's "Eight Legged Freaks," a postmodern homage to the B-movies of yesteryear that features scores of huge, mutant spiders taking over the woefully misnamed town of Prosperity, Ariz.

Obviously, any film that features spiders as large as a city block isn’t going to be for everyone, certainly not those who prefer their spiders beneath the heel of their shoe or at the business end of a can of Raid. Still, for those who dig this sort of thing, "Eight Legged Freaks" is mindless fun, especially during its lively first half, which has a great time winking at the absurdity of its premise before getting kneecapped by repetition midway through.

In the film, David Arquette is Chris McCormick, a mining engineer who returns to Prosperity after his father’s death to collect his inheritance—a gold mine, no less—and to rekindle a romance with his old flame, Sam Parker (Kari Wuhrer), who’s now Prosperity’s no-nonsense sheriff and a single mother of two, Ashley (Scarlett Johansson) and Mike (Scott Terra).

Unfortunately for Chris, his plans to put the squeeze on Sam are temporarily shelved when a barrel of toxic waste is accidentally dumped into a pond, an event that inadvertently leads to one man’s spider collection mutating out of control and viciously mugging the folks of Prosperity.

As produced by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich, the duo who botched 1998’s “Godzilla,” “Eight Legged Freaks” takes itself a lot less seriously and scores because of it. It pointedly pilfers from other films, particularly George Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead,” whose influence is realized at the end when the townsfolk, fleeing the spiders, take refuge at a shopping mall and realize some unexpected savings. Specifically, their lives.

Grade: B

View the trailer here:

Movie, DVD Review

(Originally published 2002)

Leave it to Hollywood to try to keep spinning gold from toxic waste.

Ever since the mid-1950s, when B-movie classics such as "Them!," "Tarantula" and "The Deadly Mantis" proved there's nothing financially itsy-bitsy about big bugs gone berserk, Hollywood has delivered a wealth of creature-features starring the leggy beasts, from such insect-infested shockers as "Beginning of the End,” “Earth vs. The Spider" and "Invasion of the Bee Girls" to the more recent "Tremors," "Starship Troopers" and "Mimic."

Now, in this definitive summer of the spider, the toxic creepy-crawlies have come creeping again, this time in the form of Ellory Elkayem's "Eight Legged Freaks," a postmodern homage to the B-movies of yesteryear that features scores of huge, mutant spiders taking over the woefully misnamed town of Prosperity, Ariz.

Obviously, any film that features spiders as large as a city block isn’t going to be for everyone, certainly not those who prefer their spiders beneath the heel of their shoe or at the business end of a can of Raid. Still, for those who dig this sort of thing, "Eight Legged Freaks" is mindless fun, especially during its lively first half, which has a great time winking at the absurdity of its premise before getting kneecapped by repetition midway through.

In the film, David Arquette is Chris McCormick, a mining engineer who returns to Prosperity after his father’s death to collect his inheritance—a gold mine, no less—and to rekindle a romance with his old flame, Sam Parker (Kari Wuhrer), who’s now Prosperity’s no-nonsense sheriff and a single mother of two, Ashley (Scarlett Johansson) and Mike (Scott Terra).

Unfortunately for Chris, his plans to put the squeeze on Sam are temporarily shelved when a barrel of toxic waste is accidentally dumped into a pond, an event that inadvertently leads to one man’s spider collection mutating out of control and viciously mugging the folks of Prosperity.

As produced by Dean Devlin and Roland Emmerich, the duo who botched 1998’s “Godzilla,” “Eight Legged Freaks” takes itself a lot less seriously and scores because of it. It pointedly pilfers from other films, particularly George Romero’s “Dawn of the Dead,” whose influence is realized at the end when the townsfolk, fleeing the spiders, take refuge at a shopping mall and realize some unexpected savings. Specifically, their lives.

Grade: B

View the trailer here:

Directed by Pitof, written by John Rogers, Theresa Rebeck, John Brancato, Michael Ferris and Bob Kane, 91 minutes, rated PG-13.

The superhero movie, "Catwoman," now out on Blu-ray disc, is a vain, choppy mess filled with unintentional laughs and groan-worthy moments that scrape bottom.

This over-the-top extravaganza (and it must be viewed that way in order to enjoy it) also is laced with sharp one-liners, style and sex appeal. Mix it all together, and what’s left in the litter is a bizarre movie that essentially is camp on a catnip high.

The film stars Halle Berry as Catwoman and Sharon Stone as the castrating witch out to 86 her nine lives. Stone is Laurel Hedare, an evil, aging supermodel with a blonde fright wig, glam clothes and a leggy strut who will go to any lengths to skirt a wrinkle.

At a time when youth and beauty are increasingly valued over age and experience, it's tough to blame Laurel for trying to stay young, particularly when what's at stake here is a beauty cream that's so powerful, it can turn one's skin into uncrackable marble - as it has done for Laurel.

For unwitting consumers, the problem is that the cream is highly toxic, a truth Laurel's husband, the cosmetics giant George Hedare (Lambert Wilson), would rather cover with one of his concealers.

What he and Laurel don't want anyone to know is that once the cream is applied, it must be used for life. Otherwise, the moment one stops using it, there isn't enough Botox in the world to repair the sagging damage.

The film's first third is shaky and awkward, chronicling how Berry's bumbling Patience Philips, a shy graphic designer who works for Laurel and George, becomes the outrageously confident Catwoman. That's just how I'll leave it for you, but the good news is that the movie recovers, with Patience trying to learn what it means to be Catwoman, which includes wielding a whip and wearing a push-up bra.

Her love interest in the movie is policeman Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt), who joins a long line of superhero suitors in that he initially has no clue that his intended has the most unusual of side jobs. Together, there is a snap of chemistry between Berry and Bratt - they look great together - though the film's quick-cut editing undermines that whenever it can. It doesn't allow us to linger on them.

Since "Catwoman" would be lacking without a cat fight between Berry and Stone, Pitof delivers in the final moments. These two just don't go after each other with their claws and fists, but with a string of quick, funny retorts that blister the screen.

That gets to the real strength of "Catwoman." Some of the dialogue is genuinely clever, such as when Catwoman enters a disco in her full dominatrix leather drag, her whip swirling in the air around her, and asks the bartender for "a white Russian - hold the vodka, hold the Kahlua." Considering the suggestive way she licks the milk mustache from her lips, it's surprising this movie wasn't scratched with an R rating.

This is widely considered a terrible movie, but if you enjoy the camp genre, it’s a must-see.

Grade: B-

View the trailer for "Catwoman" here:

Directed by Pitof, written by John Rogers, Theresa Rebeck, John Brancato, Michael Ferris and Bob Kane, 91 minutes, rated PG-13.

The superhero movie, "Catwoman," now out on Blu-ray disc, is a vain, choppy mess filled with unintentional laughs and groan-worthy moments that scrape bottom.

This over-the-top extravaganza (and it must be viewed that way in order to enjoy it) also is laced with sharp one-liners, style and sex appeal. Mix it all together, and what’s left in the litter is a bizarre movie that essentially is camp on a catnip high.

The film stars Halle Berry as Catwoman and Sharon Stone as the castrating witch out to 86 her nine lives. Stone is Laurel Hedare, an evil, aging supermodel with a blonde fright wig, glam clothes and a leggy strut who will go to any lengths to skirt a wrinkle.

At a time when youth and beauty are increasingly valued over age and experience, it's tough to blame Laurel for trying to stay young, particularly when what's at stake here is a beauty cream that's so powerful, it can turn one's skin into uncrackable marble - as it has done for Laurel.

For unwitting consumers, the problem is that the cream is highly toxic, a truth Laurel's husband, the cosmetics giant George Hedare (Lambert Wilson), would rather cover with one of his concealers.

What he and Laurel don't want anyone to know is that once the cream is applied, it must be used for life. Otherwise, the moment one stops using it, there isn't enough Botox in the world to repair the sagging damage.

The film's first third is shaky and awkward, chronicling how Berry's bumbling Patience Philips, a shy graphic designer who works for Laurel and George, becomes the outrageously confident Catwoman. That's just how I'll leave it for you, but the good news is that the movie recovers, with Patience trying to learn what it means to be Catwoman, which includes wielding a whip and wearing a push-up bra.

Her love interest in the movie is policeman Tom Lone (Benjamin Bratt), who joins a long line of superhero suitors in that he initially has no clue that his intended has the most unusual of side jobs. Together, there is a snap of chemistry between Berry and Bratt - they look great together - though the film's quick-cut editing undermines that whenever it can. It doesn't allow us to linger on them.

Since "Catwoman" would be lacking without a cat fight between Berry and Stone, Pitof delivers in the final moments. These two just don't go after each other with their claws and fists, but with a string of quick, funny retorts that blister the screen.

That gets to the real strength of "Catwoman." Some of the dialogue is genuinely clever, such as when Catwoman enters a disco in her full dominatrix leather drag, her whip swirling in the air around her, and asks the bartender for "a white Russian - hold the vodka, hold the Kahlua." Considering the suggestive way she licks the milk mustache from her lips, it's surprising this movie wasn't scratched with an R rating.

This is widely considered a terrible movie, but if you enjoy the camp genre, it’s a must-see.

Grade: B-

View the trailer for "Catwoman" here:

“The Ninth Gate” Blu-ray
Satanic librarians unite! In the Blu-ray release of “The Ninth Gage,” Hollywood finally serves that long-overlooked niche market with a film that gives devil-worshipping bibliophiles real reason to fall from grace. The film stars Johnny Depp as a scurrilous rare book dealer who hooks up with billionaire Boris Balkan (Frank Langella), a cool piece of work who’s interested in authenticating his copy of “The Nine Gates of the Kingdom of Shadows,” a 17th-century satanic text whose engravings allegedly hold the power of hauling the devil straight out of the pits of hell. Issuing Depp a check, Balkan sends the man overseas to Europe, where he not only hunts down and studies the text’s two remaining copies, but where he also comes upon a flying nude Euromodel (Emmanuelle Seigner), the fiery death of a wheelchair-bound baroness, and a swanky hooded orgy ripped straight out of Stanley Kubrick’s “Eyes Wide Shut.” In fact, it’s at this orgy that Polanski has his most fun in a film without much fun: He blatantly stages the scene to look like Kubrick’s--rows of burning candles, naked people milling about in shimmering cowls, the location a posh mansion--and then snubs his nose at it in a way that’s so funny, and so surprising, it won’t be revealed here. “The Ninth Gate” has none of the same depth and energy of Polanski’s best films, it has nothing new or interesting to say about the occult Polanski has courted for years, and it features an ending that’s the anti-Christ of all anti-climaxes, but it nevertheless moves in its own groove. There are moments here when Polanski reveals his greatness--the way a room is lit, a scene is cut, the stage is stacked--but those moments are fleeting, and they leave the viewer with only with a mildly satisfying whole. Rated R. Grade: C+

“Best Actor Collection”
A varied mix of five excellent performances in five Academy Award-winning films. Included are 1928’s “In Old Arizona,” with Warner Baxter as The Cisco Kid; 1956’s “The King and I,” in which Yul Brynner took a shine to Deborah Kerr, danced her off her feet--and won an Oscar for his trouble; and 1970’s “Patton,” which finds George C. Scott becoming the infamous general so seamlessly, he never shook his association with the role. Also in the set is 1973’s “Harry and Tonto,” with Art Carney winning the Oscar for portraying the retired teacher Harry Coombes, and quite a different movie is found in “Wall Street,” which teaches us other lessons about life. Through the vehicle of Michael Douglas' cold, Oscar-winning performance, we recall that greed might have had a good time of it in the late ‘80s, but just look where it’s gotten us now. Grade: A-

“Best Actress Collection”
Fox is hoping you'll really like it. The set, after all, features Sally Field in her Academy Award-winning turn in 1979’s “Norma Rae,” Joanne Woodward splitting into three different personalities in “The Three Faces of Eve,” and Hilary Swank altering her body and falling for a girl (Chloe Sevigny) in the moving “Boys Don’t Cry." In the musical biopic “Walk the Line,” which is based on the life of Johnny Cash, Reese Witherspoon takes on the difficult role of portraying June Carter Cash (and does her own singing), while in 1956's "Anastasia," Ingrid Bergman is paired opposite a devious Yul Brynner in an entertaining movie that's nevertheless riddled with inaccuracies. Grade: B+


“Best Picture Collection”
Out of all of these collections from Fox, this is the one to own. In it are some of our best movies, starting with 1941’s timely “How Green Was My Valley,” with Donald Crisp and Sara Allgood struggling to keep their family together in the face of great hardship; 1947’s “Gentleman’s Agreement,” which found Gregory Peck as a journalist posing as a Jew--and getting hit hard by prejudice in the process; and Bette Davis in William Wyler’s 1950 masterpiece “All About Eve,” which isn't just one of the finest films in Davis' storied career, but also one of our finest films, period. On a lighter note, Julie Andrews twirls and twitters and deals with those von Trapps in 1965’s “The Sound of Music,” while on the far end of the spectrum is 1971’s “The French Connection," a great action movie about a drug bust gone wrong that stars Gene Hackman and Roy Schreider, not to mention that unforgettable car chase through the streets of New York. Grade: A

"Cult Camp Classics Vol. 2: Women in Peril"
What the “Cult Camp” series continues to understand is that sometimes horror isn't a boogeyman wielding a knife or a monster munching on a co-ed's throat, but something never intended to be scary, such as a botched performance gone awry, the fiery end of a career or a movie so bad, you couldn't beat it down with a wire hanger. All can give you the willies. Take Joan Crawford, for instance. In 1970, Crawford, having hit rock bottom at age 66, decided to throw back her shoulders and take the lead as anthropologist Dr. Brockton in "Trog," a movie in which a troglodyte is discovered, feared, misunderstood and who then goes berserk. Crawford's great misfortune wasn't just playing nursemaid to a man in an ape suit, but selling this sort of dialogue: "You've got Durando on the brain!" Crawford has been paying for those words for 37 years. Other films in the collection include the 1950 crime thriller "Caged," in which a young woman (Eleanor Parker) is sent down to the big house and corrupted by a female prison tough. Finally, there's "The Big Cube," in which Lana Turner gets addicted to LCD and becomes a hot mess. Poor Lana, sure--but in this tawdry movie, lucky us. Grade: A-

“The Lucille Ball Film Collection”
Includes five films, none of which are Ball’s best--missing is “Stage Door” and “Without Love,” and especially “Room Service” with the Marx brothers. Still, we do get a mix of those movies that helped to make Ball a screen star--“Dance, Girl, Dance,” in which Ball leaves ballet for burlesque (and goes on to stardom as Bubbles), and “The Big Street,” which is about as far removed as one can get from the Lucy audiences know from “I Love Lucy.” Here, she’s a bitter ex-chanteuse in a wheelchair, with Henry Fonda starring opposite her. The collection also includes the slight "Du Barry Was a Lady," with Red Skelton and Gene Kelly, and the 1963 comedy "Critic's Choice," with Bob Hope. Perhaps most interesting is Ball as Auntie Mame in "Mame,” in which she sings (sort of), dances (she tries), and goes for the jugular with cutting asides (she succeeds). Ball has nothing on Rosalind Russell’s Mame, but with a bulldozing Bea Arthur joining her, the proceedings do become nicely unhinged. Grade: B-

Also on DVD and Blu-ray disc

Several new titles are available on DVD and Blu-ray disc this week, the best of which is the romance comedy “I Love You, Man” (DVD, Blu-ray), with Paul Rudd and Jason Segal featured as two budding friends who bring out the best and worst in each other among the film’s ongoing set of pratfalls. The movie is about male bonding--the necessity of it, the apparent dangers inherent in it--and the result is charming, smart and likeable. Echoes of “The Odd Couple” abound, with a shot of Judd Apatow’s earlier influence tossed in to spark the tomfoolery.

Less successful is the Blu-ray release of the risible romantic comedy “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” with Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey struggling through a cliché-heavy script and losing their audience in 10 minutes, as well as the thriller “Obsessed” (DVD, Blu-ray), a direct rip-off of “Fatal Attraction” that stars Idris Elba in the Michael Douglas role, Beyonce Knowles in the Anne Archer role, and Ali Larter in the Glenn Close role. Sex it up, throw in a catfight between Knowles and Larter that admittedly is fun to watch, and you have in spirit a near carbon copy of “Fatal Attraction,” but also a movie that lacks a shape and an edge of its own.

A modest improvement over that film is “Dragonball: Evolution” (DVD, Blu-ray), which is based on the popular comic books. Not surprisingly, the movie will appeal best to fans of those books, but for the casual viewer unfamiliar with them (like me), the plot is a maze of confusion, the action is chaos, the special effects are cheap, and the storyline and characters have all the substance of a video game. You know, like Pong.

Dragging the week further into the basement is the sci-fi movie “Mutant Chronicles” (DVD, Blu-ray), with Thomas Jane, John Malkovich and Ron Perlman slumming grandly through the gory stupidity. But saving the week are the Blu-ray releases of the timeless rock band spoof “This is Spinal Tap,” as well as Irwin Allen’s Academy Award-winning “The Towering Inferno,” which finds Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, Fred Astaire, Faye Dunaway and O.J. Simpson, of all people, scrambling amid a tornado of high-rise embers while managing all the larger-than-life melodramas exploding at its core.

“The Ninth Gate” Blu-ray
Satanic librarians unite! In the Blu-ray release of “The Ninth Gage,” Hollywood finally serves that long-overlooked niche market with a film that gives devil-worshipping bibliophiles real reason to fall from grace. The film stars Johnny Depp as a scurrilous rare book dealer who hooks up with billionaire Boris Balkan (Frank Langella), a cool piece of work who’s interested in authenticating his copy of “The Nine Gates of the Kingdom of Shadows,” a 17th-century satanic text whose engravings allegedly hold the power of hauling the devil straight out of the pits of hell. Issuing Depp a check, Balkan sends the man overseas to Europe, where he not only hunts down and studies the text’s two remaining copies, but where he also comes upon a flying nude Euromodel (Emmanuelle Seigner), the fiery death of a wheelchair-bound baroness, and a swanky hooded orgy ripped straight out of Stanley Kubrick’s “Eyes Wide Shut.” In fact, it’s at this orgy that Polanski has his most fun in a film without much fun: He blatantly stages the scene to look like Kubrick’s--rows of burning candles, naked people milling about in shimmering cowls, the location a posh mansion--and then snubs his nose at it in a way that’s so funny, and so surprising, it won’t be revealed here. “The Ninth Gate” has none of the same depth and energy of Polanski’s best films, it has nothing new or interesting to say about the occult Polanski has courted for years, and it features an ending that’s the anti-Christ of all anti-climaxes, but it nevertheless moves in its own groove. There are moments here when Polanski reveals his greatness--the way a room is lit, a scene is cut, the stage is stacked--but those moments are fleeting, and they leave the viewer with only with a mildly satisfying whole. Rated R. Grade: C+

“Best Actor Collection”
A varied mix of five excellent performances in five Academy Award-winning films. Included are 1928’s “In Old Arizona,” with Warner Baxter as The Cisco Kid; 1956’s “The King and I,” in which Yul Brynner took a shine to Deborah Kerr, danced her off her feet--and won an Oscar for his trouble; and 1970’s “Patton,” which finds George C. Scott becoming the infamous general so seamlessly, he never shook his association with the role. Also in the set is 1973’s “Harry and Tonto,” with Art Carney winning the Oscar for portraying the retired teacher Harry Coombes, and quite a different movie is found in “Wall Street,” which teaches us other lessons about life. Through the vehicle of Michael Douglas' cold, Oscar-winning performance, we recall that greed might have had a good time of it in the late ‘80s, but just look where it’s gotten us now. Grade: A-

“Best Actress Collection”
Fox is hoping you'll really like it. The set, after all, features Sally Field in her Academy Award-winning turn in 1979’s “Norma Rae,” Joanne Woodward splitting into three different personalities in “The Three Faces of Eve,” and Hilary Swank altering her body and falling for a girl (Chloe Sevigny) in the moving “Boys Don’t Cry." In the musical biopic “Walk the Line,” which is based on the life of Johnny Cash, Reese Witherspoon takes on the difficult role of portraying June Carter Cash (and does her own singing), while in 1956's "Anastasia," Ingrid Bergman is paired opposite a devious Yul Brynner in an entertaining movie that's nevertheless riddled with inaccuracies. Grade: B+


“Best Picture Collection”
Out of all of these collections from Fox, this is the one to own. In it are some of our best movies, starting with 1941’s timely “How Green Was My Valley,” with Donald Crisp and Sara Allgood struggling to keep their family together in the face of great hardship; 1947’s “Gentleman’s Agreement,” which found Gregory Peck as a journalist posing as a Jew--and getting hit hard by prejudice in the process; and Bette Davis in William Wyler’s 1950 masterpiece “All About Eve,” which isn't just one of the finest films in Davis' storied career, but also one of our finest films, period. On a lighter note, Julie Andrews twirls and twitters and deals with those von Trapps in 1965’s “The Sound of Music,” while on the far end of the spectrum is 1971’s “The French Connection," a great action movie about a drug bust gone wrong that stars Gene Hackman and Roy Schreider, not to mention that unforgettable car chase through the streets of New York. Grade: A

"Cult Camp Classics Vol. 2: Women in Peril"
What the “Cult Camp” series continues to understand is that sometimes horror isn't a boogeyman wielding a knife or a monster munching on a co-ed's throat, but something never intended to be scary, such as a botched performance gone awry, the fiery end of a career or a movie so bad, you couldn't beat it down with a wire hanger. All can give you the willies. Take Joan Crawford, for instance. In 1970, Crawford, having hit rock bottom at age 66, decided to throw back her shoulders and take the lead as anthropologist Dr. Brockton in "Trog," a movie in which a troglodyte is discovered, feared, misunderstood and who then goes berserk. Crawford's great misfortune wasn't just playing nursemaid to a man in an ape suit, but selling this sort of dialogue: "You've got Durando on the brain!" Crawford has been paying for those words for 37 years. Other films in the collection include the 1950 crime thriller "Caged," in which a young woman (Eleanor Parker) is sent down to the big house and corrupted by a female prison tough. Finally, there's "The Big Cube," in which Lana Turner gets addicted to LCD and becomes a hot mess. Poor Lana, sure--but in this tawdry movie, lucky us. Grade: A-

“The Lucille Ball Film Collection”
Includes five films, none of which are Ball’s best--missing is “Stage Door” and “Without Love,” and especially “Room Service” with the Marx brothers. Still, we do get a mix of those movies that helped to make Ball a screen star--“Dance, Girl, Dance,” in which Ball leaves ballet for burlesque (and goes on to stardom as Bubbles), and “The Big Street,” which is about as far removed as one can get from the Lucy audiences know from “I Love Lucy.” Here, she’s a bitter ex-chanteuse in a wheelchair, with Henry Fonda starring opposite her. The collection also includes the slight "Du Barry Was a Lady," with Red Skelton and Gene Kelly, and the 1963 comedy "Critic's Choice," with Bob Hope. Perhaps most interesting is Ball as Auntie Mame in "Mame,” in which she sings (sort of), dances (she tries), and goes for the jugular with cutting asides (she succeeds). Ball has nothing on Rosalind Russell’s Mame, but with a bulldozing Bea Arthur joining her, the proceedings do become nicely unhinged. Grade: B-

Also on DVD and Blu-ray disc

Several new titles are available on DVD and Blu-ray disc this week, the best of which is the romance comedy “I Love You, Man” (DVD, Blu-ray), with Paul Rudd and Jason Segal featured as two budding friends who bring out the best and worst in each other among the film’s ongoing set of pratfalls. The movie is about male bonding--the necessity of it, the apparent dangers inherent in it--and the result is charming, smart and likeable. Echoes of “The Odd Couple” abound, with a shot of Judd Apatow’s earlier influence tossed in to spark the tomfoolery.

Less successful is the Blu-ray release of the risible romantic comedy “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days,” with Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey struggling through a cliché-heavy script and losing their audience in 10 minutes, as well as the thriller “Obsessed” (DVD, Blu-ray), a direct rip-off of “Fatal Attraction” that stars Idris Elba in the Michael Douglas role, Beyonce Knowles in the Anne Archer role, and Ali Larter in the Glenn Close role. Sex it up, throw in a catfight between Knowles and Larter that admittedly is fun to watch, and you have in spirit a near carbon copy of “Fatal Attraction,” but also a movie that lacks a shape and an edge of its own.

A modest improvement over that film is “Dragonball: Evolution” (DVD, Blu-ray), which is based on the popular comic books. Not surprisingly, the movie will appeal best to fans of those books, but for the casual viewer unfamiliar with them (like me), the plot is a maze of confusion, the action is chaos, the special effects are cheap, and the storyline and characters have all the substance of a video game. You know, like Pong.

Dragging the week further into the basement is the sci-fi movie “Mutant Chronicles” (DVD, Blu-ray), with Thomas Jane, John Malkovich and Ron Perlman slumming grandly through the gory stupidity. But saving the week are the Blu-ray releases of the timeless rock band spoof “This is Spinal Tap,” as well as Irwin Allen’s Academy Award-winning “The Towering Inferno,” which finds Steve McQueen, Paul Newman, Fred Astaire, Faye Dunaway and O.J. Simpson, of all people, scrambling amid a tornado of high-rise embers while managing all the larger-than-life melodramas exploding at its core.

Directed by Nicholas Ray, written by Philip Yordan, 105 minutes, unrated.

Nicholas Ray’s great camp movie, “Johnny Guitar," stars Joan Crawford as Vienna, a swanky saloon-casino owner in the Old West who knows the value of cutting cards, employing men to spin her roulette wheel, and who at one point is called “a railroad tramp not fit to live among decent people.”

Sounds harsh, but Vienna can take it.

Crawford plays Vienna as nobody’s fool. Back straight, hair pulled into a vice grip of brown curls, lips as red as a stop sign, gun at the ready, she’s a force, this one. As one of her employees remarks, “Never seen a woman who was more a man. She thinks like one, acts like one, and sometimes makes me feel like I’m not one.” And yet Vienna has a softer, more feminine side, such as when she closes the bar, puts on an elaborate white gown, and plays the piano with festive pluck.

Philip Yordan wrote the script (under the influence?) and what he conceived is a story that involves how a mean, ferocious woman named Emma (Mercedes McCambridge, unforgettable) is determined to see Vienna hang because she believes that Vienna was involved in her brother’s murder.

When Vienna’s long-ago lover, Johnny Guitar (Sterling Hayden), rides back into her life, the movie heaves and sighs as the Dancin’ Kid (Scott Brady) and his gang (including Ernest Borgnine) also storm the saloon and start to cause trouble. Were they also involved in the death of Emma’s brother? Since Emma is certain of it--and because she wields absolute control over the men in this movie--soon the kid gloves are off, guns are drawn, and accusations are hurled.

About those accusations--the dialogue in this movie is beyond comprehension. Consider, for example, this exchange between a gun-wielding Vienna, the law men who have come to get her, and Emma, who wants her dead.

Vienna: “Get out! Get out all of you!”

Emma, in a low voice: “That’s big talk for a little gun. You can’t shoot all of us.”

Vienna, bemused: “Two of you will do.”

Emma, challenging: “You don’t have the nerve.”

Vienna: “Try me.”

The men around them: “Put down that gun, Vienna. Put down the gun.”

Vienna: “Down there I sell whiskey and cards. All you can buy up these stairs is a bullet in the head.” She swaggers. She smirks. “Now…which do you want?”

As the men scramble away, Emma approaches like a pint-sized version of the Black Death in a green elf’s uniform: “I’m going to kill you.”

Vienna, towering over her: “I know--if I don’t kill you first.”

Here’s what’s certain--the movie will kill audiences, but in the best way. Just watching the sparring between Crawford and McCambridge is enough to send you over the moon. As for the movie, it’s an absurdist’s dream--in one scene in which guns are drawn and tensions are high, the strapping Hayden enters the bar with a delicate tea cup in his hand. You watch the scene thinking, “Oh, no he didn’t.” But he did. And that’s just the start of it in what’s easily a must film for your Netflix queue.

Grade: A

Directed by Nicholas Ray, written by Philip Yordan, 105 minutes, unrated.

Nicholas Ray’s great camp movie, “Johnny Guitar," stars Joan Crawford as Vienna, a swanky saloon-casino owner in the Old West who knows the value of cutting cards, employing men to spin her roulette wheel, and who at one point is called “a railroad tramp not fit to live among decent people.”

Sounds harsh, but Vienna can take it.

Crawford plays Vienna as nobody’s fool. Back straight, hair pulled into a vice grip of brown curls, lips as red as a stop sign, gun at the ready, she’s a force, this one. As one of her employees remarks, “Never seen a woman who was more a man. She thinks like one, acts like one, and sometimes makes me feel like I’m not one.” And yet Vienna has a softer, more feminine side, such as when she closes the bar, puts on an elaborate white gown, and plays the piano with festive pluck.

Philip Yordan wrote the script (under the influence?) and what he conceived is a story that involves how a mean, ferocious woman named Emma (Mercedes McCambridge, unforgettable) is determined to see Vienna hang because she believes that Vienna was involved in her brother’s murder.

When Vienna’s long-ago lover, Johnny Guitar (Sterling Hayden), rides back into her life, the movie heaves and sighs as the Dancin’ Kid (Scott Brady) and his gang (including Ernest Borgnine) also storm the saloon and start to cause trouble. Were they also involved in the death of Emma’s brother? Since Emma is certain of it--and because she wields absolute control over the men in this movie--soon the kid gloves are off, guns are drawn, and accusations are hurled.

About those accusations--the dialogue in this movie is beyond comprehension. Consider, for example, this exchange between a gun-wielding Vienna, the law men who have come to get her, and Emma, who wants her dead.

Vienna: “Get out! Get out all of you!”

Emma, in a low voice: “That’s big talk for a little gun. You can’t shoot all of us.”

Vienna, bemused: “Two of you will do.”

Emma, challenging: “You don’t have the nerve.”

Vienna: “Try me.”

The men around them: “Put down that gun, Vienna. Put down the gun.”

Vienna: “Down there I sell whiskey and cards. All you can buy up these stairs is a bullet in the head.” She swaggers. She smirks. “Now…which do you want?”

As the men scramble away, Emma approaches like a pint-sized version of the Black Death in a green elf’s uniform: “I’m going to kill you.”

Vienna, towering over her: “I know--if I don’t kill you first.”

Here’s what’s certain--the movie will kill audiences, but in the best way. Just watching the sparring between Crawford and McCambridge is enough to send you over the moon. As for the movie, it’s an absurdist’s dream--in one scene in which guns are drawn and tensions are high, the strapping Hayden enters the bar with a delicate tea cup in his hand. You watch the scene thinking, “Oh, no he didn’t.” But he did. And that’s just the start of it in what’s easily a must film for your Netflix queue.

Grade: A

Out of all the films Bette Davis kicked and wrestled and screamed onto the screen in the latter years of her storied career, those that could be considered camp — “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?,” “Beyond the Forest,” “The Nanny,” “Hush … Hush, Sweet Charlotte” and all the drunken ugliness that festers merrily in “The Star” — perhaps “Dead Ringer” is the one film least known to mainstream audiences.

Though it made a splash upon its 1964 debut, it since has slid under the radar, which is curious given its double billing: Bette Davis playing opposite Bette Davis. When it comes to camp, it doesn’t get much better than that.

Director Paul Henreid based the film on Albert Beich and Oscar Millard’s script, and what he created is a mix of well-done noir caught up in a clutch of hilarious scenes.

At this point of her career, Davis was eager to work and so she came to the film knowing that while it was beneath her formidable talents, she at least could give her audience something that seemed, on paper, to top her Academy Award-nominated performance in 1961’s “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” She would, after all, be playing a murderous twin aiming to off the other twin.

Given that little morsel and the fact that Davis knew exactly what she had been dealt with in this movie, the film should be considered intentional camp. Davis was playing wealthy socialite Margaret de Lorca and poor, downtrodden Edith Phillips for all they were worth. Wisely, she also tucked in real moments of drama when the script allowed it, which lifts the film into something more than an entertaining embarrassment. The movie actually is very good for all sorts of reasons, most of which come down to Davis herself.

In brief, the plot: When Edith goes to the funeral of her former love, Frank de Lorca, she is faced with the sister who tricked him into marriage. That would be Margaret, a high-end socialite Edith hasn’t seen for nearly two decades and whom she decides to knock off for reasons best left for the screen.

Now posing as Margaret, Edith has a hell of a time trying to fit into this other world. In the meantime, she also tries to forget her former love Sgt. Jim Hobbson (Karl Malden) while also dealing with Maggie’s lover, Tony Collins (Peter Lawford), who appears on the scene and makes things difficult for Edith.

To give you an idea of what you’re in for, in an early, key scene between the women, which takes place at Maggie’s palatial Hollywood estate, things grow heated between the two in a blissful exchange of dialogue. Maggie, having just buried her husband and already tired of wearing black, turns her back to frumpy, smoky Edith.

Maggie, exhausted: “Unzip me, will you? I want to get out of these things. God, how I hate mourning. Did you see those characters at the funeral? Old California up to their stiff necks. Do you have any idea how long I have to wear black?”

Edith, bristling: “Louses things up for you, doesn’t it, Maggie? You’re really broken up, I can see that.”

Maggie, oblivious: “When are you going back to San Francisco?”

Edith, simmering: “I haven’t lived in San Francisco for 10 years. Not since father died — a wino.”

Maggie, incredulous: “A wino?”

Edith, fuming: “Yes, he drank wine because he couldn’t afford to buy whiskey anymore … after he was fired off the Express and every other newspaper west of the Rockies. They finally took him away in a strait jacket!”

Maggie, sweeping into the room in an outrageous, feathered robe: “Oh, Edie, how awful! Poor father! Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Edith, indignant: “I did let you know about the funeral, but you didn’t come. Somehow.”

Maggie, rising above it while half-twirling in front of a mirror: “We must have been in Europe. Frank and I traveled a lot in those days. Where do you live now?”

Edith: “In L.A.”

Maggie: “In Los Angeles? For the past 10 years?”

Edith, proud: “Yes, I have a … a cocktail lounge on Figueroa Street. It’s called ‘Edie’s.”

Maggie, repelled: “A cocktail lounge? Well, why didn’t you ever ask me …”

Edith: “For the fare out of town? The last time I left Los Angeles you met me at the station with the glad news that you were pregnant and that Frank was marrying you.”

Maggie: “Oh, Edie, that was 20 years ago!”

Edie: “To be exact — 18.”

Maggie: “You, you really hate me, don’t you? You’ve, you’ve never forgiven me in all these years.”

Edith: “Why should I? Tell me why I should?”

Maggie: “Well, we’re sisters!”

Edith, in full rage: “So, we are. And to hell with you!”

To hell with her, maybe, but it’s straight to heaven for us. “Dead Ringer” is the sort of movie you go back to time and again — it tirelessly keeps on giving. Just to see Davis spar with herself is reason enough to see the film, but if you want a real treat, see it to hear her sing. It’s true. In spite of that voice of hers, which could poi-son an ocean, Davis sings here (the song she warbles is “Shuffle Off to Buffalo”) and her voice is so bad, she sounds like a vacuum caught up in a bucket full of yogurt. It’s wonderful.

It’s also true that the movie isn’t as great as “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” Still, it is a feast of bad manners, ugly situations, moral dilemmas and sugar-roasted dialogue left on the flame to bubble over and burn. It also features special effects that are surprisingly seamless for the time — you really believe that Davis is staring down Davis. So, how can you resist any of this? The answer is, you don’t.

Grade: B+

Out of all the films Bette Davis kicked and wrestled and screamed onto the screen in the latter years of her storied career, those that could be considered camp — “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?,” “Beyond the Forest,” “The Nanny,” “Hush … Hush, Sweet Charlotte” and all the drunken ugliness that festers merrily in “The Star” — perhaps “Dead Ringer” is the one film least known to mainstream audiences.

Though it made a splash upon its 1964 debut, it since has slid under the radar, which is curious given its double billing: Bette Davis playing opposite Bette Davis. When it comes to camp, it doesn’t get much better than that.

Director Paul Henreid based the film on Albert Beich and Oscar Millard’s script, and what he created is a mix of well-done noir caught up in a clutch of hilarious scenes.

At this point of her career, Davis was eager to work and so she came to the film knowing that while it was beneath her formidable talents, she at least could give her audience something that seemed, on paper, to top her Academy Award-nominated performance in 1961’s “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” She would, after all, be playing a murderous twin aiming to off the other twin.

Given that little morsel and the fact that Davis knew exactly what she had been dealt with in this movie, the film should be considered intentional camp. Davis was playing wealthy socialite Margaret de Lorca and poor, downtrodden Edith Phillips for all they were worth. Wisely, she also tucked in real moments of drama when the script allowed it, which lifts the film into something more than an entertaining embarrassment. The movie actually is very good for all sorts of reasons, most of which come down to Davis herself.

In brief, the plot: When Edith goes to the funeral of her former love, Frank de Lorca, she is faced with the sister who tricked him into marriage. That would be Margaret, a high-end socialite Edith hasn’t seen for nearly two decades and whom she decides to knock off for reasons best left for the screen.

Now posing as Margaret, Edith has a hell of a time trying to fit into this other world. In the meantime, she also tries to forget her former love Sgt. Jim Hobbson (Karl Malden) while also dealing with Maggie’s lover, Tony Collins (Peter Lawford), who appears on the scene and makes things difficult for Edith.

To give you an idea of what you’re in for, in an early, key scene between the women, which takes place at Maggie’s palatial Hollywood estate, things grow heated between the two in a blissful exchange of dialogue. Maggie, having just buried her husband and already tired of wearing black, turns her back to frumpy, smoky Edith.

Maggie, exhausted: “Unzip me, will you? I want to get out of these things. God, how I hate mourning. Did you see those characters at the funeral? Old California up to their stiff necks. Do you have any idea how long I have to wear black?”

Edith, bristling: “Louses things up for you, doesn’t it, Maggie? You’re really broken up, I can see that.”

Maggie, oblivious: “When are you going back to San Francisco?”

Edith, simmering: “I haven’t lived in San Francisco for 10 years. Not since father died — a wino.”

Maggie, incredulous: “A wino?”

Edith, fuming: “Yes, he drank wine because he couldn’t afford to buy whiskey anymore … after he was fired off the Express and every other newspaper west of the Rockies. They finally took him away in a strait jacket!”

Maggie, sweeping into the room in an outrageous, feathered robe: “Oh, Edie, how awful! Poor father! Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Edith, indignant: “I did let you know about the funeral, but you didn’t come. Somehow.”

Maggie, rising above it while half-twirling in front of a mirror: “We must have been in Europe. Frank and I traveled a lot in those days. Where do you live now?”

Edith: “In L.A.”

Maggie: “In Los Angeles? For the past 10 years?”

Edith, proud: “Yes, I have a … a cocktail lounge on Figueroa Street. It’s called ‘Edie’s.”

Maggie, repelled: “A cocktail lounge? Well, why didn’t you ever ask me …”

Edith: “For the fare out of town? The last time I left Los Angeles you met me at the station with the glad news that you were pregnant and that Frank was marrying you.”

Maggie: “Oh, Edie, that was 20 years ago!”

Edie: “To be exact — 18.”

Maggie: “You, you really hate me, don’t you? You’ve, you’ve never forgiven me in all these years.”

Edith: “Why should I? Tell me why I should?”

Maggie: “Well, we’re sisters!”

Edith, in full rage: “So, we are. And to hell with you!”

To hell with her, maybe, but it’s straight to heaven for us. “Dead Ringer” is the sort of movie you go back to time and again — it tirelessly keeps on giving. Just to see Davis spar with herself is reason enough to see the film, but if you want a real treat, see it to hear her sing. It’s true. In spite of that voice of hers, which could poi-son an ocean, Davis sings here (the song she warbles is “Shuffle Off to Buffalo”) and her voice is so bad, she sounds like a vacuum caught up in a bucket full of yogurt. It’s wonderful.

It’s also true that the movie isn’t as great as “Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?” Still, it is a feast of bad manners, ugly situations, moral dilemmas and sugar-roasted dialogue left on the flame to bubble over and burn. It also features special effects that are surprisingly seamless for the time — you really believe that Davis is staring down Davis. So, how can you resist any of this? The answer is, you don’t.

Grade: B+

“The Carmen Miranda Collection”
Includes five films from the Brazilian queen of the fruited hat--and it’s a strong collection, with Fox coming through with some of Miranda’s best films, many of which lifted the sprits of plenty during the Second World War. The set features 1943’s “The Gang’s All Here,” with Miranda, Alice Fay and James Ellison all backed by Busby Berkeley and the Benny Goodman Orchestra; 1944’s “Greenwich Village,” with Miranda cast as a fortuneteller opposite Don Ameche and Vivian Blaine; and 1944’s “Something for the Boys,” in which Miranda’s Chiquita Hart literally saves herself, Vivian Blaine and Phil Silvers from financial straits. Rounding out the set are 1946’s “Doll Face” and 1946’s “If I’m Lucky,” each with Blaine and Perry Como. The latter finds Miranda singing “Bet Your Bottom Dollar,” which is exactly what audiences should do on this entertaining collection. Grade: A-

"The Glamour Collections"
From Universal, three women, three collections, 15 movies--"The Marlene Dietrich Glamour Collection," "The Mae West Glamour Collection," "The Carole Lombard Glamour Collection." So, yes, that should be enough glamour for anyone--and each is a must. In "Dietrich," fine films are assembled, including "Morocco," "Blonde Venus," "The Devil is a Woman," "Flame of New Orleans" and "Golden Earrings." For West, look for "Go West Young Man," "Goin' to Town," 'I'm No Angel," "My Little Chickadee" and "Night After Night." In "Lombard," slapstick is key in the movies "Hands Across the Table," "Love Before Breakfast," "Man of the World," "The Princess Comes Across," "True Confessions" and "We're Not Dancing." Thing is, all three of these women were dancing--sometimes literally, often metaphorically--with some scenes in these collections proving so memorable, they've become iconic. In "Morocco," for example, Dietrich dons a tux with tails and bends to kiss a woman, which caused a sensation upon the film's 1930 release. In "Blonde Venus," she appears in a monkey suit to sing "Hot Voodoo," and strips to reveal the sort of glamour for which she was known (Madonna learned plenty from her). For West, all she has to do is put a hand on her hip, flash her eyes and screw up her face, and she gets a laugh. It's the surprise that comes out of her mouth, however, that sends you over the edge. Grade: A

“Matlock: Season Three”
Andy Griffith’s career--reborn. After years of slogging through such humiliating guest appearances on such shows as “The Love Boat,” “Fantasy Island” and “Hotel,” Griffith took a cue from Raymond Burr’s “Perry Mason” and realized one of his greatest career successes in a similar show that ran from 1986-1995. This third season surpasses the first two seasons that it fully has settled into itself. On five discs, most of the episodes focus on one culprit, such as “The Other Woman,” “The Starlet,” “The Psychic,” etc. Griffith’s easy Southern charm is in stark contrast to the grisly crime series pop culture now favors, but for many, that’s exactly what will sell it. Grade: B



“Monsterquest: Complete Season Three”
The monsters are real! Well, no they’re not. Or maybe they are! But then again, maybe they’re not. Essentially, that’s how this reasonably entertaining series from the History Channel plays out, with real scientists and high-tech gadgetry hauled in to discern what might be living among us (don’t come seeking definitive answers). The monsters in question include everything from the regulars such as the Loch Ness monster to such other oddities as Cattle Killers, Swamp Stalkers and Snowbeasts. Eye witness accounts abound, some humorous--all dead serious. Grade: B-






“The Tyrone Power Matinee Idol Collection”
From Fox, 10 films featuring that brooding, camera-ready idol, some of them solid, a few of them good, and others only barely up to par. In it are 1936’s throwaway melodrama “Girls’ Dormitory,” with Powers appearing only fleetingly opposite Simone Simon; two energetic comedies in 1937’s “Love is News” and “Café Metropole,” with Powers waxing cute with Loretta Young. It’s Young again in 1937’s “Second Honeymoon,” but third time wasn’t exactly a charm--the movie is second rate. The same also is true for 1939’s disappointing “Daytime Wife,” but not so for 1940’s “Johnny Apollo,” by far the best in the collection, with Powers cast as a gangster in one of his best-regarded films. Look for Joan Fontaine in 1942’s very good “This Above All,” Gene Tierney in 1948’s so-so comedy “That Wonderful Urge,” Jayne Meadows and Cecil Kellaway in the unstoppable “The Luck of the Irish” and Any Blyth in 1951’s “I’ll Never Forget You,” a movie that neatly sums up how many feel about Power himself. Grade: B-

“The White Countess”
A well-acted, beautifully shot movie that’s maddening in its civility. You watch it hoping for a spark, but forget it--this last film from Merchant-Ivory leaves you feeling ambivalent. Set in 1936, the film stars Natasha Richardson as Sofia, a widowed Russian countess exiled to Shanghai who becomes a taxi dancer to pay the rent for her family (Madeleine Day, Vanessa Redgrave, Lynn Redgrave, Madeleine Potter, John Wood). Ralph Fiennes is Todd Jackson, the blind American diplomat with a troubled past who hires Sofia to be the hostess at his swank nightclub. Before war begins, the club is a success, though the movie isn't. It keeps Sofia and Todd’s relationship at arm's length until the very end, when it’s too late to care. Rated PG-13. Grade: C

“The Carmen Miranda Collection”
Includes five films from the Brazilian queen of the fruited hat--and it’s a strong collection, with Fox coming through with some of Miranda’s best films, many of which lifted the sprits of plenty during the Second World War. The set features 1943’s “The Gang’s All Here,” with Miranda, Alice Fay and James Ellison all backed by Busby Berkeley and the Benny Goodman Orchestra; 1944’s “Greenwich Village,” with Miranda cast as a fortuneteller opposite Don Ameche and Vivian Blaine; and 1944’s “Something for the Boys,” in which Miranda’s Chiquita Hart literally saves herself, Vivian Blaine and Phil Silvers from financial straits. Rounding out the set are 1946’s “Doll Face” and 1946’s “If I’m Lucky,” each with Blaine and Perry Como. The latter finds Miranda singing “Bet Your Bottom Dollar,” which is exactly what audiences should do on this entertaining collection. Grade: A-

"The Glamour Collections"
From Universal, three women, three collections, 15 movies--"The Marlene Dietrich Glamour Collection," "The Mae West Glamour Collection," "The Carole Lombard Glamour Collection." So, yes, that should be enough glamour for anyone--and each is a must. In "Dietrich," fine films are assembled, including "Morocco," "Blonde Venus," "The Devil is a Woman," "Flame of New Orleans" and "Golden Earrings." For West, look for "Go West Young Man," "Goin' to Town," 'I'm No Angel," "My Little Chickadee" and "Night After Night." In "Lombard," slapstick is key in the movies "Hands Across the Table," "Love Before Breakfast," "Man of the World," "The Princess Comes Across," "True Confessions" and "We're Not Dancing." Thing is, all three of these women were dancing--sometimes literally, often metaphorically--with some scenes in these collections proving so memorable, they've become iconic. In "Morocco," for example, Dietrich dons a tux with tails and bends to kiss a woman, which caused a sensation upon the film's 1930 release. In "Blonde Venus," she appears in a monkey suit to sing "Hot Voodoo," and strips to reveal the sort of glamour for which she was known (Madonna learned plenty from her). For West, all she has to do is put a hand on her hip, flash her eyes and screw up her face, and she gets a laugh. It's the surprise that comes out of her mouth, however, that sends you over the edge. Grade: A

“Matlock: Season Three”
Andy Griffith’s career--reborn. After years of slogging through such humiliating guest appearances on such shows as “The Love Boat,” “Fantasy Island” and “Hotel,” Griffith took a cue from Raymond Burr’s “Perry Mason” and realized one of his greatest career successes in a similar show that ran from 1986-1995. This third season surpasses the first two seasons that it fully has settled into itself. On five discs, most of the episodes focus on one culprit, such as “The Other Woman,” “The Starlet,” “The Psychic,” etc. Griffith’s easy Southern charm is in stark contrast to the grisly crime series pop culture now favors, but for many, that’s exactly what will sell it. Grade: B



“Monsterquest: Complete Season Three”
The monsters are real! Well, no they’re not. Or maybe they are! But then again, maybe they’re not. Essentially, that’s how this reasonably entertaining series from the History Channel plays out, with real scientists and high-tech gadgetry hauled in to discern what might be living among us (don’t come seeking definitive answers). The monsters in question include everything from the regulars such as the Loch Ness monster to such other oddities as Cattle Killers, Swamp Stalkers and Snowbeasts. Eye witness accounts abound, some humorous--all dead serious. Grade: B-






“The Tyrone Power Matinee Idol Collection”
From Fox, 10 films featuring that brooding, camera-ready idol, some of them solid, a few of them good, and others only barely up to par. In it are 1936’s throwaway melodrama “Girls’ Dormitory,” with Powers appearing only fleetingly opposite Simone Simon; two energetic comedies in 1937’s “Love is News” and “Café Metropole,” with Powers waxing cute with Loretta Young. It’s Young again in 1937’s “Second Honeymoon,” but third time wasn’t exactly a charm--the movie is second rate. The same also is true for 1939’s disappointing “Daytime Wife,” but not so for 1940’s “Johnny Apollo,” by far the best in the collection, with Powers cast as a gangster in one of his best-regarded films. Look for Joan Fontaine in 1942’s very good “This Above All,” Gene Tierney in 1948’s so-so comedy “That Wonderful Urge,” Jayne Meadows and Cecil Kellaway in the unstoppable “The Luck of the Irish” and Any Blyth in 1951’s “I’ll Never Forget You,” a movie that neatly sums up how many feel about Power himself. Grade: B-

“The White Countess”
A well-acted, beautifully shot movie that’s maddening in its civility. You watch it hoping for a spark, but forget it--this last film from Merchant-Ivory leaves you feeling ambivalent. Set in 1936, the film stars Natasha Richardson as Sofia, a widowed Russian countess exiled to Shanghai who becomes a taxi dancer to pay the rent for her family (Madeleine Day, Vanessa Redgrave, Lynn Redgrave, Madeleine Potter, John Wood). Ralph Fiennes is Todd Jackson, the blind American diplomat with a troubled past who hires Sofia to be the hostess at his swank nightclub. Before war begins, the club is a success, though the movie isn't. It keeps Sofia and Todd’s relationship at arm's length until the very end, when it’s too late to care. Rated PG-13. Grade: C

From the folks at Gillette, who obviously know a few things about how to make a commercial go "viral." Though in this case, that might not be such a good thing.

Check it out---I give it a resounding "A"!

From the folks at Gillette, who obviously know a few things about how to make a commercial go "viral." Though in this case, that might not be such a good thing.

Check it out---I give it a resounding "A"!

“The Day the Earth Stood Still” DVD, Blu-ray

This bum remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic casts Keanu Reeves as the alien Klaatu, who is here to usher in the end of the world. And what a relief--few watching the movie will argue that the dumb humans the film employs aren’t deserving of their fate. The movie’s premise is that we are the virus destroying Earth (tough to argue with that one), and so the only way to save it is to rid it of us. That’s Klaatu’s job and Reeves goes through the motions of doing so with such restraint, you’d swear the actor left his body before showing up onset. Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Bates and John Cleese co-star, but don’t get too excited just yet--in this busy movie of so much chaos and comic disorder, they’re only here to slum along the sidelines. Meanwhile, sentiment is encouraged, then demanded, then whipped from the cast, while swarms of metallic bugs pull a Joan Crawford on the world by trying to rid it of dirt. Rated PG-13. Grade: C-

"Ravenous"
Antonia Bird’s culturally bulimic film, “Ravenous,” is about people--people who eat people. It’s not very good. It makes “Flesh Eating Mothers,” “Rabid Grannies,” “Bloodsucking Pharaohs of Pittsburgh” and, yes, even “Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death,” look as if they were farm raised by Julia Child. The film, which suggests humans are the other white meat, isn’t a complete waste of time; parts of it are beautifully shot and there are moments of tension. Bird, who took a memorable jab at audiences with the eyebrow-raising “Priest,” has a camp sensibility that lightens what could have been a truly pungent stew. She knows she can’t take much of this seriously, so she leavens her film with much-needed humor. That saves some of it. What undermines most of it is Ted Griffin’s script, which cranks out such stunning lines as “He’s licking me!” before trudging on without a conscience to destroy whatever credibility its stars, Guy Pearce and Robert Carlyle, had before coming to the project. The film takes place during the Mexican-American War, but it never featured a Taco Bell tie-in, proving, in the end, that this bloody, soupy mix wasn’t completely without restraint after all. Rated R. Grade: C-

Also on DVD

Also available on DVD are three television series from Paramount, including the eighth season of “Wings,” where comedy and melodrama slam awkwardly into each other over the friendly skies. This season ended the series, and it’s easy to see why--much of it is a groaner.

"Dynasty: Season Four, Vol. 1," on the other hand, is a howler, bringing with it such torrid episodes as “The Arrest,” “The Bungalow” and “Tender Comrades.” Essentially, the show is a defecation of diamonds, scotch, botched affairs, bitch slaps and mud fights, with John Forsythe, Linda Evans and Joan Collins continuing to embrace their low-rent doom with high-end style.

Camp also can be found in the seventh season of “Beverly Hills 90210,” which is fueled by the amusing wrecking ball that is Tiffani-Amber Thiessen’s Valerie Malone. No, she didn’t take humanity to the lows achieved by Shannen Doherty’s Brenda, but you have to give it to Thiessen--she had her moments.

Once again, more turmoil boils in Beverly Hills--particularly in such episodes as “Unnecessary Roughness,” “Spring Breakdown” and “Phantom of CU”--and also because Tori Spelling’s face and body continue to morph in ways that have zip to do with leaving adolescence’s grasp. In between, there’s more gossip to fill a week’s worth of posts at PerezHilton.com, which is just how fans want it. On those terms, the seventh season succeeds.

“The Day the Earth Stood Still” DVD, Blu-ray

This bum remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic casts Keanu Reeves as the alien Klaatu, who is here to usher in the end of the world. And what a relief--few watching the movie will argue that the dumb humans the film employs aren’t deserving of their fate. The movie’s premise is that we are the virus destroying Earth (tough to argue with that one), and so the only way to save it is to rid it of us. That’s Klaatu’s job and Reeves goes through the motions of doing so with such restraint, you’d swear the actor left his body before showing up onset. Jennifer Connelly, Kathy Bates and John Cleese co-star, but don’t get too excited just yet--in this busy movie of so much chaos and comic disorder, they’re only here to slum along the sidelines. Meanwhile, sentiment is encouraged, then demanded, then whipped from the cast, while swarms of metallic bugs pull a Joan Crawford on the world by trying to rid it of dirt. Rated PG-13. Grade: C-

"Ravenous"
Antonia Bird’s culturally bulimic film, “Ravenous,” is about people--people who eat people. It’s not very good. It makes “Flesh Eating Mothers,” “Rabid Grannies,” “Bloodsucking Pharaohs of Pittsburgh” and, yes, even “Cannibal Women in the Avocado Jungle of Death,” look as if they were farm raised by Julia Child. The film, which suggests humans are the other white meat, isn’t a complete waste of time; parts of it are beautifully shot and there are moments of tension. Bird, who took a memorable jab at audiences with the eyebrow-raising “Priest,” has a camp sensibility that lightens what could have been a truly pungent stew. She knows she can’t take much of this seriously, so she leavens her film with much-needed humor. That saves some of it. What undermines most of it is Ted Griffin’s script, which cranks out such stunning lines as “He’s licking me!” before trudging on without a conscience to destroy whatever credibility its stars, Guy Pearce and Robert Carlyle, had before coming to the project. The film takes place during the Mexican-American War, but it never featured a Taco Bell tie-in, proving, in the end, that this bloody, soupy mix wasn’t completely without restraint after all. Rated R. Grade: C-

Also on DVD

Also available on DVD are three television series from Paramount, including the eighth season of “Wings,” where comedy and melodrama slam awkwardly into each other over the friendly skies. This season ended the series, and it’s easy to see why--much of it is a groaner.

"Dynasty: Season Four, Vol. 1," on the other hand, is a howler, bringing with it such torrid episodes as “The Arrest,” “The Bungalow” and “Tender Comrades.” Essentially, the show is a defecation of diamonds, scotch, botched affairs, bitch slaps and mud fights, with John Forsythe, Linda Evans and Joan Collins continuing to embrace their low-rent doom with high-end style.

Camp also can be found in the seventh season of “Beverly Hills 90210,” which is fueled by the amusing wrecking ball that is Tiffani-Amber Thiessen’s Valerie Malone. No, she didn’t take humanity to the lows achieved by Shannen Doherty’s Brenda, but you have to give it to Thiessen--she had her moments.

Once again, more turmoil boils in Beverly Hills--particularly in such episodes as “Unnecessary Roughness,” “Spring Breakdown” and “Phantom of CU”--and also because Tori Spelling’s face and body continue to morph in ways that have zip to do with leaving adolescence’s grasp. In between, there’s more gossip to fill a week’s worth of posts at PerezHilton.com, which is just how fans want it. On those terms, the seventh season succeeds.

Title says it all...

Title says it all...

.

.

Video speaks for itself.

More of her, please. I need a laugh every once in a while.

Video speaks for itself.

More of her, please. I need a laugh every once in a while.

Give it up for him.  Best Actor.  Best Musical Score.  Best Costume Design.  Best Direction.  Best Short Film.  Best Documentary.  Best Special Effect.

Give it up for him.  Best Actor.  Best Musical Score.  Best Costume Design.  Best Direction.  Best Short Film.  Best Documentary.  Best Special Effect.

(Originally published 2004)

At the start of “Seed of Chucky,” Don Mancini’s fifth film in Chucky-the-crazed-slasher-doll series, the screen drips with what appears to be rivers of liquid latex.

Appearances, of course, can be deceiving.

Soon, the ugly truth of all that dripping reveals itself to be scores of white, angry-looking mini Chuckies. Replete with tails, they race through an undulating tube and find their mark in a gelatinous egg. Cells split, a baby’s screech rings through the theater, a child is born.

Hello, not-so-gorgeous.

Flash forward several years and what we have is spawn of Chucky, a sensitive, bug-eyed softie with razor sharp teeth who toils in London as a ventriloquist’s dummy; it looks like a cross between Ziggy Stardust, Clay Aiken and Johnny Rotten by way of a morgue. When it learns that its parents, Chucky and Tiffany, are shooting a movie in the States called “Chucky Goes Psycho,” it decides to flee London in an effort to find them.

Meanwhile, Academy Award-nominated actress, Jennifer Tilly, shows up to do what so many actors do when they’ve fallen out of favor with the public. In an effort to remind us that she’s still eager to work, she throws good sense to the wind and goes for attention-getting camp.

Tilly has been with the Chucky franchise since 1998’s “Bride of Chucky,” in which she played a caricature of herself and also lent her voice to Chucky’s buxom, murdering doll-bride, Tiffany. Encouraged by the modest hit she enjoyed with that movie--and perhaps a bit depressed by the series of flops that followed it (“Lil’ Pimp,” “Fast Sofa,” “Dirt” and “Pigs Next Door” chief among them)--Tilly takes a much-expanded role here. She stars as a higher-strung version of herself, while also lending her voice to Tiffany.

Good work if you can get it? I’m not convinced. It is Tilly, after all, who is eventually used by Chucky and Tiffany to be the host for their new child, which can only be accomplished with the help of restraints, a turkey baster, and Chucky’s fevered imagination. It’s also Tilly who must seduce rap star Redman, also playing himself, so she can become the Virgin Mary in his new movie based on the Bible. The irony of it!

Amid the inevitable slaughterings, beheadings, stabbings and the like, the movie is never scary, though it does find jolts of humor in Tilly’s excess and in John Waters’ supporting role as a paparazzo. What makes it less punchy than “Bride of Chucky” is its focus. Somehow, the franchise has become about a dysfunctional family of living dolls trying to make it in the world.

Facing them aren’t the potential difficulties of whom to kill--those decisions are still made on the fly--but the gender issues surrounding their long-lost child from London. You see, Chucky and Tiffany aren’t sure whether it’s a boy or a girl. A quick drop of its pants confirms an androgynous nature, so they decide to call it Glen and Glenda, a nod at Ed Wood’s “Glen or Glenda,” the infamously bad movie that “Seed of Chucky” doesn’t have the guts to be.

Grade: C-

(Originally published 2004)

At the start of “Seed of Chucky,” Don Mancini’s fifth film in Chucky-the-crazed-slasher-doll series, the screen drips with what appears to be rivers of liquid latex.

Appearances, of course, can be deceiving.

Soon, the ugly truth of all that dripping reveals itself to be scores of white, angry-looking mini Chuckies. Replete with tails, they race through an undulating tube and find their mark in a gelatinous egg. Cells split, a baby’s screech rings through the theater, a child is born.

Hello, not-so-gorgeous.

Flash forward several years and what we have is spawn of Chucky, a sensitive, bug-eyed softie with razor sharp teeth who toils in London as a ventriloquist’s dummy; it looks like a cross between Ziggy Stardust, Clay Aiken and Johnny Rotten by way of a morgue. When it learns that its parents, Chucky and Tiffany, are shooting a movie in the States called “Chucky Goes Psycho,” it decides to flee London in an effort to find them.

Meanwhile, Academy Award-nominated actress, Jennifer Tilly, shows up to do what so many actors do when they’ve fallen out of favor with the public. In an effort to remind us that she’s still eager to work, she throws good sense to the wind and goes for attention-getting camp.

Tilly has been with the Chucky franchise since 1998’s “Bride of Chucky,” in which she played a caricature of herself and also lent her voice to Chucky’s buxom, murdering doll-bride, Tiffany. Encouraged by the modest hit she enjoyed with that movie--and perhaps a bit depressed by the series of flops that followed it (“Lil’ Pimp,” “Fast Sofa,” “Dirt” and “Pigs Next Door” chief among them)--Tilly takes a much-expanded role here. She stars as a higher-strung version of herself, while also lending her voice to Tiffany.

Good work if you can get it? I’m not convinced. It is Tilly, after all, who is eventually used by Chucky and Tiffany to be the host for their new child, which can only be accomplished with the help of restraints, a turkey baster, and Chucky’s fevered imagination. It’s also Tilly who must seduce rap star Redman, also playing himself, so she can become the Virgin Mary in his new movie based on the Bible. The irony of it!

Amid the inevitable slaughterings, beheadings, stabbings and the like, the movie is never scary, though it does find jolts of humor in Tilly’s excess and in John Waters’ supporting role as a paparazzo. What makes it less punchy than “Bride of Chucky” is its focus. Somehow, the franchise has become about a dysfunctional family of living dolls trying to make it in the world.

Facing them aren’t the potential difficulties of whom to kill--those decisions are still made on the fly--but the gender issues surrounding their long-lost child from London. You see, Chucky and Tiffany aren’t sure whether it’s a boy or a girl. A quick drop of its pants confirms an androgynous nature, so they decide to call it Glen and Glenda, a nod at Ed Wood’s “Glen or Glenda,” the infamously bad movie that “Seed of Chucky” doesn’t have the guts to be.

Grade: C-