Justin Bieber Gets $1 Million for Israel Gig

Music News

By our guest blogger, Joe Oliveto

At an age when the primary source of income for most of his peers is a weekly allowance, Justin Bieber is doing pretty well for himself in the world of finance. He recently performed a show in Israel, and according to The Hollywood Reporter, he was paid a whopping $1 million for his services.

Not bad for a ninety minute long concert.

However, despite the money he made, attendance was fairly low. It was hoped that Bieber would bring in 35,000 people, but according to reports from the producers, only 24,000 were in attendance. Local police put the number even lower, estimating that there were only about 17,000 people at the event.

Still, Bieber has skyrocketed to stardom, and we doubt that this minor setback will have any negative effects on his career. What might have an effect, however, is the fact that like so many others going through puberty, he is aging. Sure, he has undeniable talent as a vocalist—even if you don’t exactly care for the type of music he performs—but it must also be acknowledged that part of his image is bound to his young age. It is what makes him “cute” and, more importantly, unique. When he hits his late teens, he may become just another male pop star, and while that won’t kill his career, it will severely diminish his role in the pop music world.

In the meantime, he’s making lots of money breaking the hearts of tween girls everywhere. Good for him.

Justin Bieber Gets $1 Million for Israel Gig

Music News

By our guest blogger, Joe Oliveto

At an age when the primary source of income for most of his peers is a weekly allowance, Justin Bieber is doing pretty well for himself in the world of finance. He recently performed a show in Israel, and according to The Hollywood Reporter, he was paid a whopping $1 million for his services.

Not bad for a ninety minute long concert.

However, despite the money he made, attendance was fairly low. It was hoped that Bieber would bring in 35,000 people, but according to reports from the producers, only 24,000 were in attendance. Local police put the number even lower, estimating that there were only about 17,000 people at the event.

Still, Bieber has skyrocketed to stardom, and we doubt that this minor setback will have any negative effects on his career. What might have an effect, however, is the fact that like so many others going through puberty, he is aging. Sure, he has undeniable talent as a vocalist—even if you don’t exactly care for the type of music he performs—but it must also be acknowledged that part of his image is bound to his young age. It is what makes him “cute” and, more importantly, unique. When he hits his late teens, he may become just another male pop star, and while that won’t kill his career, it will severely diminish his role in the pop music world.

In the meantime, he’s making lots of money breaking the hearts of tween girls everywhere. Good for him.

Katy Perry "E.T. (Ft. Kanye West)"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

At its start, the video for Katy Perry's Kanye collaboration "E.T." seems to be referencing both Wall-E and the Fallout franchise. The Wall-E components come from the garbage heap we look down on as the video starts while the Fallout traits are visible in the video's use of the '50s radio sounds and fiery symbolism so key to that that classic game series' intro cut scenes. One of those references would be weird on its own in a Katy Perry clip but the two combined is all kinds of crazy. Far odder, though, is the fact that the video swiftly abandons that hybrid style in favor of some super slick aerial action.

What starts as some kind of fatalist vision instead becomes a CGI-heavy love story between a shape shifting alien woman and a "big headed astronaut," played by Perry and West respectively (or maybe not, more on this later). The two seem to literally fall in love as the video shows the two figures crashing through the clouds in their respective ways. West is stuck in some kind of space capsule while Perry is just floating with the aid of either a dress or a series of scarves. The jury's still out on that one.

Perry as an alien is flat-out creepy but really only because I've long suspected the automaton pop star hails from somewhere otherworldly. She shoots fireworks from her breasts. Her eyes are as big as saucers. She is draining Russel Brand of his precious bodily fluids. This I know.

So, call it pitch-perfect casting. Whoever did Perry's make-up deserves some kind of reward for completely distracting viewers from all of this song's insanely stupid lyrics and instead shifting the focus squarely on Perry's creepier and creepier visage. The song in its original form was merely a platform for one of the most strained relationship metaphors ever but here with the video we get a work that appears to be intent on showing what Matthew Barney's version of E.T. would look like.

By the time Perry makes it to the rubbish that is what remains of Earth and frees her androgynous Wall-E boytoy, the fantasy is so complete it doesn't even matter that the particulars are so incongruous. Why does Perry have deer legs now? Doesn't matter. Why is the figure in the robot suit a Grace Jones lookalike instead of West? Doesn't matter. Why the hell is West vowing to "probe" Perry while they have some "alien sex?" Doesn't he see that she's already found herself a replica of David Bowie's Man Who Fell to Earth character? And why are they just standing around naked while West's spaceship cruises by? Does. Not. Matter.

Katy Perry "E.T. (Ft. Kanye West)"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

At its start, the video for Katy Perry's Kanye collaboration "E.T." seems to be referencing both Wall-E and the Fallout franchise. The Wall-E components come from the garbage heap we look down on as the video starts while the Fallout traits are visible in the video's use of the '50s radio sounds and fiery symbolism so key to that that classic game series' intro cut scenes. One of those references would be weird on its own in a Katy Perry clip but the two combined is all kinds of crazy. Far odder, though, is the fact that the video swiftly abandons that hybrid style in favor of some super slick aerial action.

What starts as some kind of fatalist vision instead becomes a CGI-heavy love story between a shape shifting alien woman and a "big headed astronaut," played by Perry and West respectively (or maybe not, more on this later). The two seem to literally fall in love as the video shows the two figures crashing through the clouds in their respective ways. West is stuck in some kind of space capsule while Perry is just floating with the aid of either a dress or a series of scarves. The jury's still out on that one.

Perry as an alien is flat-out creepy but really only because I've long suspected the automaton pop star hails from somewhere otherworldly. She shoots fireworks from her breasts. Her eyes are as big as saucers. She is draining Russel Brand of his precious bodily fluids. This I know.

So, call it pitch-perfect casting. Whoever did Perry's make-up deserves some kind of reward for completely distracting viewers from all of this song's insanely stupid lyrics and instead shifting the focus squarely on Perry's creepier and creepier visage. The song in its original form was merely a platform for one of the most strained relationship metaphors ever but here with the video we get a work that appears to be intent on showing what Matthew Barney's version of E.T. would look like.

By the time Perry makes it to the rubbish that is what remains of Earth and frees her androgynous Wall-E boytoy, the fantasy is so complete it doesn't even matter that the particulars are so incongruous. Why does Perry have deer legs now? Doesn't matter. Why is the figure in the robot suit a Grace Jones lookalike instead of West? Doesn't matter. Why the hell is West vowing to "probe" Perry while they have some "alien sex?" Doesn't he see that she's already found herself a replica of David Bowie's Man Who Fell to Earth character? And why are they just standing around naked while West's spaceship cruises by? Does. Not. Matter.

Mother Mother "The Stand"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

My first reaction to seeing Mother Mother's "The Stand" on MTV's Most Popular Videos feed was honestly WTF? And not because of the video's peculiar form. As hooky as Mother Mother songs are, there is no way to overstate the weirdness of the band itself. Most of that oddity is on display in "The Stand," from the clip's '80s sci-fi aesthetic to the song's conversational back and forth and, as always, the nasally, off-kilter vocals of siblings Ryan and Molly Guldemond. But should I be surprised?

The skewed perspective of "The Stand" is a wonder to behold, so completely confident in letting the freak flag fly that to resist it would be a mistake. Equally irresistible are the Guldemonds, who are so creepily well-synced it might not be too unrealistic to suggest they share a brain. Or are at least telepathic. "The Stand" configures itself as some kind of psychological examination where Ryan is the subject. Fielding questions from Molly and keyboardist Jasmin Parkin, who are made up like extras from a Lady Gaga video, Ryan's lyrics are made out to be neuroses and character tics that are displayed in shifting Rorschach blobs around him.

The clip is chic but minimalist, wisely sticking to a stark black and white palette before exploding in color and texture for the chorus and the appearance of the full band. In their signature way, Mother Mother don't go from verse to chorus to verse so much as they shift entire genres. The beginning is a heady mix of hip-hop and outre indie, the chorus more straightforwardly poppy and the next verse a psychedelic twang. If Girl Talk were an indie pop songsmith rather than a cut-up artist, it's easy to imagine he might sound something like Mother Mother.

The thing to remember is that in the early days of MTV, this is exactly the kind of video that would have been a hit. Before labels got wise and the network transformed itself first into a crassly commercial enterprise and then a home to constant proof of society's descent into reality tv hell, MTV brought British oddities to the masses on a daily basis. Mother Mother are Canadian, sure, but they hail from a province called British Columbia so let's not call it too much of a stretch to say that they're honoring that tradition by finding success on the network's website.

Mother Mother "The Stand"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

My first reaction to seeing Mother Mother's "The Stand" on MTV's Most Popular Videos feed was honestly WTF? And not because of the video's peculiar form. As hooky as Mother Mother songs are, there is no way to overstate the weirdness of the band itself. Most of that oddity is on display in "The Stand," from the clip's '80s sci-fi aesthetic to the song's conversational back and forth and, as always, the nasally, off-kilter vocals of siblings Ryan and Molly Guldemond. But should I be surprised?

The skewed perspective of "The Stand" is a wonder to behold, so completely confident in letting the freak flag fly that to resist it would be a mistake. Equally irresistible are the Guldemonds, who are so creepily well-synced it might not be too unrealistic to suggest they share a brain. Or are at least telepathic. "The Stand" configures itself as some kind of psychological examination where Ryan is the subject. Fielding questions from Molly and keyboardist Jasmin Parkin, who are made up like extras from a Lady Gaga video, Ryan's lyrics are made out to be neuroses and character tics that are displayed in shifting Rorschach blobs around him.

The clip is chic but minimalist, wisely sticking to a stark black and white palette before exploding in color and texture for the chorus and the appearance of the full band. In their signature way, Mother Mother don't go from verse to chorus to verse so much as they shift entire genres. The beginning is a heady mix of hip-hop and outre indie, the chorus more straightforwardly poppy and the next verse a psychedelic twang. If Girl Talk were an indie pop songsmith rather than a cut-up artist, it's easy to imagine he might sound something like Mother Mother.

The thing to remember is that in the early days of MTV, this is exactly the kind of video that would have been a hit. Before labels got wise and the network transformed itself first into a crassly commercial enterprise and then a home to constant proof of society's descent into reality tv hell, MTV brought British oddities to the masses on a daily basis. Mother Mother are Canadian, sure, but they hail from a province called British Columbia so let's not call it too much of a stretch to say that they're honoring that tradition by finding success on the network's website.

The Lonely Forest "We Sing in Time"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

The boys in the Lonely Forest have always had trouble fitting in. Back in Seattle, their over earnest lyrics and late '90s indie sound didn't really enamor them with critics though younger fans found plenty to love. But one look at the video for "We Sing in Time" shows that for WMG, the latter point is far more important, or at least I assume that's what all of those unnecessary close-ups of frontman John van Deusen are trying to tell me.

Yes, van Deusen has the sharp features of a Jake Gyllenhal or Brad Pitt. Yes, his eyes are oh so very dreamy. And if I were a thirteen year old girl or a twentysomething gay man, those traits might even factor into my buying habits. But as far as I know I am neither of those things, so all I have to go on is the music itself. "We Sing in Time," by that measure, is not a bad song but it's not all that memorable of one either. Truth be told, the only bits of it that actually stand out are the cringe inducing, vaguely political lyrics that van Deusen sings, most notably "I’ve seen the tweaker struggle/syringes lined the floor/A cycle churned to life/by dead end jobs and a government’s war" and "Let us burn the nation’s budget/Let’s send boys overseas to fight ghosts in the desert/instead of teaching them to give and lead."

As cute as it is that someone with no real world experience to speak of thinks they've stumbled onto something truly revolutionary by saying addiction, economic strife and war are bad things, the lines are so awkward and clumsy they fall far short of enlivening anything. I don't mean to take van Deusen to task for making what is for him probably an earnest effort at seriousness, but there is nothing about the Lonely Forest's music that makes such effort necessary. The Lonely Forest will most likely be the Jimmy Eat World for this era. They will make high energy, lightly punk-infused little ditties for the kids and the kids will love them. But they will not love them because they are aware that war is bad and having no money sucks. They will love them because they are awkward and out of place and unsure of how to deal with the real world. Just like them.

The Lonely Forest "We Sing in Time"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

The boys in the Lonely Forest have always had trouble fitting in. Back in Seattle, their over earnest lyrics and late '90s indie sound didn't really enamor them with critics though younger fans found plenty to love. But one look at the video for "We Sing in Time" shows that for WMG, the latter point is far more important, or at least I assume that's what all of those unnecessary close-ups of frontman John van Deusen are trying to tell me.

Yes, van Deusen has the sharp features of a Jake Gyllenhal or Brad Pitt. Yes, his eyes are oh so very dreamy. And if I were a thirteen year old girl or a twentysomething gay man, those traits might even factor into my buying habits. But as far as I know I am neither of those things, so all I have to go on is the music itself. "We Sing in Time," by that measure, is not a bad song but it's not all that memorable of one either. Truth be told, the only bits of it that actually stand out are the cringe inducing, vaguely political lyrics that van Deusen sings, most notably "I’ve seen the tweaker struggle/syringes lined the floor/A cycle churned to life/by dead end jobs and a government’s war" and "Let us burn the nation’s budget/Let’s send boys overseas to fight ghosts in the desert/instead of teaching them to give and lead."

As cute as it is that someone with no real world experience to speak of thinks they've stumbled onto something truly revolutionary by saying addiction, economic strife and war are bad things, the lines are so awkward and clumsy they fall far short of enlivening anything. I don't mean to take van Deusen to task for making what is for him probably an earnest effort at seriousness, but there is nothing about the Lonely Forest's music that makes such effort necessary. The Lonely Forest will most likely be the Jimmy Eat World for this era. They will make high energy, lightly punk-infused little ditties for the kids and the kids will love them. But they will not love them because they are aware that war is bad and having no money sucks. They will love them because they are awkward and out of place and unsure of how to deal with the real world. Just like them.

Cake "Long Time"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Cake have been at this whole "ironic detachment" game since before it was cool, so I have to wonder if the video for "Long Time" is purposefully animated in a way that recalls the craptacular aesthetic of "Xavier: Renegade Angel" or if I'm reading too much into the situation. Given the overly somber story of the video, I suppose it's the latter.

"Long Time" is a weirdly dark little tale of some kind of criminal and his monkey. Unfortunately, its visuals are a huge obstacle towards its entertainment value- too serious to be laughable, too much like a student's final animation project to be notable. It's never really clear why this is criminal is awaiting execution (he seems to have stolen what looks like a Christmas ornament that he for some reason still has in his possession while he's in jail) nor is it clear how he even got caught in the first place. I suspect the monkey betrayed him. You can see in that monkey's eyes that he's up to no good.

Weirder still, the video doesn't fit all that well with the song no matter how you look at it. Glacially paced, barely whimsical, "Long Time" as a video just feels like a complete miss, especially given how high concept Cake videos normally are. Don't believe me? Go back and take a look at the clip for their breakthrough hit "The Distance," which had an anonymous business man running against furries before such a term existed. It also probably cost half as much as this piece of crap. Likely even cheaper was Cake's video for "Short Skirt/Long Jacket" which was just a series of man-on-the-street interviews about the song itself. It's more entertaining than it sounds, honest.

Point being, Cake are no strangers to clever concepts. The tragedy of that statement comes in the realization that we are in the midst of what is, by all accounts, a latter day renaissance for music videos and somehow a band that really understood the value of this kind of marketing have found themselves in the dust precisely because they have seemingly abandoned all the traits that made their prior videos pre-Reddit era viral sensations.

Cake "Long Time"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Cake have been at this whole "ironic detachment" game since before it was cool, so I have to wonder if the video for "Long Time" is purposefully animated in a way that recalls the craptacular aesthetic of "Xavier: Renegade Angel" or if I'm reading too much into the situation. Given the overly somber story of the video, I suppose it's the latter.

"Long Time" is a weirdly dark little tale of some kind of criminal and his monkey. Unfortunately, its visuals are a huge obstacle towards its entertainment value- too serious to be laughable, too much like a student's final animation project to be notable. It's never really clear why this is criminal is awaiting execution (he seems to have stolen what looks like a Christmas ornament that he for some reason still has in his possession while he's in jail) nor is it clear how he even got caught in the first place. I suspect the monkey betrayed him. You can see in that monkey's eyes that he's up to no good.

Weirder still, the video doesn't fit all that well with the song no matter how you look at it. Glacially paced, barely whimsical, "Long Time" as a video just feels like a complete miss, especially given how high concept Cake videos normally are. Don't believe me? Go back and take a look at the clip for their breakthrough hit "The Distance," which had an anonymous business man running against furries before such a term existed. It also probably cost half as much as this piece of crap. Likely even cheaper was Cake's video for "Short Skirt/Long Jacket" which was just a series of man-on-the-street interviews about the song itself. It's more entertaining than it sounds, honest.

Point being, Cake are no strangers to clever concepts. The tragedy of that statement comes in the realization that we are in the midst of what is, by all accounts, a latter day renaissance for music videos and somehow a band that really understood the value of this kind of marketing have found themselves in the dust precisely because they have seemingly abandoned all the traits that made their prior videos pre-Reddit era viral sensations.

Black Lips "Modern Art"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Any video by Black Lips has the unfortunate problem of having to live up to the band's reputation. Live, Black Lips are known for the type of antics that would make Iggy Pop blush, such as when they got themselves banned from India after stripping naked. How can your videos not be deathly dull in contrast to such a fearful live history?

Even so, the band's "Modern Art" video is about as exciting and original as Breaking 2: Electric Boogaloo and not even half as funny. Opening with a "trippy" smokey image of some kind of squid or cuttlefish, "Modern Art" only gets worse from there. Looking like it was edited in iMovie while some stoner left the sepia effect on, "Modern Art" has all the action of a poorly dubbed Care Bears episode. There's, of course, a bar. Purple smoke is everywhere. People are getting drunk and squeezing roosters. Then comes archival footage of, uh, airplanes and bombings behind the boys of Black Lips dressed as what I can only describe as hillbilly Jihadists.

Is it meant to be offensive? Funny? Cutting edge satire? Who fucking knows. The cuttlefish makes a triumphant return for no particular reason as the video goes back to the bar and then everything anticlimactically ends.

Yes, everything about Black Lips is meant to be dumb. The band revels in its stupidity. It turns idiocy into a revolutionary action. But stupid is not to be equated with dull and the band would be wise to remember that. Frankly, when we're in the middle a sudden resurgence of music videos, where smart artists are seeing YouTube as a massive opportunity, it simply makes no sense that an outfit as dangerous and unpredictable as Black Lips would allow themselves to be so boring. Unless, of course, that is the punchline to this particular joke.

The video is below. Thoughts?

Black Lips "Modern Art"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Any video by Black Lips has the unfortunate problem of having to live up to the band's reputation. Live, Black Lips are known for the type of antics that would make Iggy Pop blush, such as when they got themselves banned from India after stripping naked. How can your videos not be deathly dull in contrast to such a fearful live history?

Even so, the band's "Modern Art" video is about as exciting and original as Breaking 2: Electric Boogaloo and not even half as funny. Opening with a "trippy" smokey image of some kind of squid or cuttlefish, "Modern Art" only gets worse from there. Looking like it was edited in iMovie while some stoner left the sepia effect on, "Modern Art" has all the action of a poorly dubbed Care Bears episode. There's, of course, a bar. Purple smoke is everywhere. People are getting drunk and squeezing roosters. Then comes archival footage of, uh, airplanes and bombings behind the boys of Black Lips dressed as what I can only describe as hillbilly Jihadists.

Is it meant to be offensive? Funny? Cutting edge satire? Who fucking knows. The cuttlefish makes a triumphant return for no particular reason as the video goes back to the bar and then everything anticlimactically ends.

Yes, everything about Black Lips is meant to be dumb. The band revels in its stupidity. It turns idiocy into a revolutionary action. But stupid is not to be equated with dull and the band would be wise to remember that. Frankly, when we're in the middle a sudden resurgence of music videos, where smart artists are seeing YouTube as a massive opportunity, it simply makes no sense that an outfit as dangerous and unpredictable as Black Lips would allow themselves to be so boring. Unless, of course, that is the punchline to this particular joke.

The video is below. Thoughts?

Childish Gambino "Freaks and Geeks"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

By all rights, Donald Glover's hip-hop alter ego, Childish Gambino, should be a joke. So, if you came across "Freaks and Geeks" and expected it to be on the level of the Spanish rap Glover and Danny Pudi after the credits on one of "Community's" early episode, don't worry--you weren't alone. Instead, "Freaks and Geeks" is a promising single from a gifted young man who doesn't seem content to let a single sitcom dominate his career.

"Freaks and Geeks" will immediately click with Lil' Wayne fans thanks both to Glover's Weezy-like flow and the overtly digital percussion of the backing track ("this beat is a disaster/yeah, 9/11 this track"). Like Wayne, Glover has a rapid-fire flow that remains completely clear throughout, allowing every punch line (of which there are too many to count) ring true. The video is wisely directed in a way that keeps everything focused on Glover, shot as it is in what looks like an empty warehouse where Glover practices his stage antics.

Leaping around like a kid on cocoa puffs, Glover absolutely kills the track, his performance completely mesmerizing and wholly overcoming any of the deficiencies his Weezy imitation might otherwise have. That's because hip-hop remains one of the few genres where total devotion to craft and an impassioned display can rightfully wipe away less-than-perfect production or delivery. Glover's crack comic timing helps matters as well, since he's found the perfect way to integrate it into mixtape culture, escalating his flow to mask the repetition of the beat, dropping out to make a loop that's been going forever suddenly sound like a new hook.

While Glover states that he's "running this bitch/you are just a dogwalker," it's still clear that "Freaks and Geeks" is just a stepping stone to where he'll eventually be if he keeps Childish Gambino going instead of using it as a momentary diversion from his blossoming acting career. Glover's widely hailed performance at this year's SXSW indicates that he's pretty serious about the Gambino moniker though, so we're likely going to see a breakout on the level of Drake in a year or so. Unless I'm sorely mistaken. But that never happens, right?

View the video below. Thoughts?

Childish Gambino "Freaks and Geeks"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

By all rights, Donald Glover's hip-hop alter ego, Childish Gambino, should be a joke. So, if you came across "Freaks and Geeks" and expected it to be on the level of the Spanish rap Glover and Danny Pudi after the credits on one of "Community's" early episode, don't worry--you weren't alone. Instead, "Freaks and Geeks" is a promising single from a gifted young man who doesn't seem content to let a single sitcom dominate his career.

"Freaks and Geeks" will immediately click with Lil' Wayne fans thanks both to Glover's Weezy-like flow and the overtly digital percussion of the backing track ("this beat is a disaster/yeah, 9/11 this track"). Like Wayne, Glover has a rapid-fire flow that remains completely clear throughout, allowing every punch line (of which there are too many to count) ring true. The video is wisely directed in a way that keeps everything focused on Glover, shot as it is in what looks like an empty warehouse where Glover practices his stage antics.

Leaping around like a kid on cocoa puffs, Glover absolutely kills the track, his performance completely mesmerizing and wholly overcoming any of the deficiencies his Weezy imitation might otherwise have. That's because hip-hop remains one of the few genres where total devotion to craft and an impassioned display can rightfully wipe away less-than-perfect production or delivery. Glover's crack comic timing helps matters as well, since he's found the perfect way to integrate it into mixtape culture, escalating his flow to mask the repetition of the beat, dropping out to make a loop that's been going forever suddenly sound like a new hook.

While Glover states that he's "running this bitch/you are just a dogwalker," it's still clear that "Freaks and Geeks" is just a stepping stone to where he'll eventually be if he keeps Childish Gambino going instead of using it as a momentary diversion from his blossoming acting career. Glover's widely hailed performance at this year's SXSW indicates that he's pretty serious about the Gambino moniker though, so we're likely going to see a breakout on the level of Drake in a year or so. Unless I'm sorely mistaken. But that never happens, right?

View the video below. Thoughts?

Britney Spears "Till the End of the World"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

I may be wrong, but I think Britney Spears' newest video is trying to warn all of us that Britney is going to bring about the end of the world.

For one, it's right there in the title. Further proof is found in the extreme coincidence of Britney organizing some kind of sleazy orgy in the city's subway system just in time for some kind of freak meteorological event that just so happens to be perfectly synced up to her awkward dance moves. Is someone from within Spears' camp responsible for this warning? Or is Spears so cocky about her power over us that she feels confident she can display our fate without any of us being able to do a damn thing about it?

My instinct says it's the latter.

Admittedly that could be because Spears spends half her time in the video switching out various S&M outfits while flouting her goods in front of a wall made of her own platinum records as everyone else stands by--terrified. Like the demented offspring of Last Night, Road Warrior and that underground rave/swinger party scene from that one Matrix sequel, "Till the End of the World" is all about the decadence an apocalypse would bring. Because Spears clearly needs an excuse on the level of the destruction of the entire planet to be scandalous and scantily clad.

Nonetheless, "Till the World Ends" is an improvement over Spears' last effort, which managed to cram in a terrible reference to online dating and remind everyone that Spears was once something other than a laughing stock through its strategic use of archival footage of the pop tartlet. The weird thing? That video also had a reference to a freak meteorological event. Prophecy? Threat? Considering how screwed up reality already is, wouldn't it just be that much more fitting to have Spears wind up as the savior of all mankind thanks to her heretofore unknown Nostradamus-like abilities?

View the video below. Thoughts?

Britney Spears "Till the End of the World"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

I may be wrong, but I think Britney Spears' newest video is trying to warn all of us that Britney is going to bring about the end of the world.

For one, it's right there in the title. Further proof is found in the extreme coincidence of Britney organizing some kind of sleazy orgy in the city's subway system just in time for some kind of freak meteorological event that just so happens to be perfectly synced up to her awkward dance moves. Is someone from within Spears' camp responsible for this warning? Or is Spears so cocky about her power over us that she feels confident she can display our fate without any of us being able to do a damn thing about it?

My instinct says it's the latter.

Admittedly that could be because Spears spends half her time in the video switching out various S&M outfits while flouting her goods in front of a wall made of her own platinum records as everyone else stands by--terrified. Like the demented offspring of Last Night, Road Warrior and that underground rave/swinger party scene from that one Matrix sequel, "Till the End of the World" is all about the decadence an apocalypse would bring. Because Spears clearly needs an excuse on the level of the destruction of the entire planet to be scandalous and scantily clad.

Nonetheless, "Till the World Ends" is an improvement over Spears' last effort, which managed to cram in a terrible reference to online dating and remind everyone that Spears was once something other than a laughing stock through its strategic use of archival footage of the pop tartlet. The weird thing? That video also had a reference to a freak meteorological event. Prophecy? Threat? Considering how screwed up reality already is, wouldn't it just be that much more fitting to have Spears wind up as the savior of all mankind thanks to her heretofore unknown Nostradamus-like abilities?

View the video below. Thoughts?

British Sea Power "Who's In Control?"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Note: Not Suitable For Work!

The key lyric in British Sea Power's new single "Who's In Control?" is "Protesting was sexy/On a Saturday night." It's by no means a new thing to equate violence and struggle with sex but British Sea Power's blunt, unsubtle way of bringing the two together is, well, novel. Following some teens or twentysomething or other sufficiently youthful gang from a hormone drenched car ride (flashing!) to unstructured anonymous protest (breaking sh!t) to an afterparty (streaking!), "Who's In Control?" structures its question not as one of political authority but biological imperative.

Tempting as it is to consider "Who's In Control?" a micro update of Bernardo Bertolucci's latter day effort The Dreamers, the reality is probably that it is, like so many things British Sea Power, a visual prank. Once known as the band that would dress up in antique naval regalia while flanked by stuffed birds of every variety, BSP's more recent shenanigans have found the band posing as U2 for this era of irony. That means a big arena sound with big hollow lyrics and big pretend ideals. In lesser hands it could have been a massive failure but BSP know their shit and are nothing if not committed.

What does that mean, exactly? Well, it means the joke's not on them, it's on us. BSP get that rock music is far more likely to stir your loins than your head and so the cast of characters for the video seem to be attending a protest not as devoted political enthusiasts but as players in a rite of passage. They get their scuffs and wounds, sure, but that all just adds to the thrill. The surge of adrenaline they take in after the fact turns them not towards further political action but further acts of horniness, taking to the streets in a defiantly nude manner.

Is it art? God, no. Does it make perfect sense for the music? Oh, yes.

View the video below.  Thoughts?

British Sea Power "Who's In Control?"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Note: Not Suitable For Work!

The key lyric in British Sea Power's new single "Who's In Control?" is "Protesting was sexy/On a Saturday night." It's by no means a new thing to equate violence and struggle with sex but British Sea Power's blunt, unsubtle way of bringing the two together is, well, novel. Following some teens or twentysomething or other sufficiently youthful gang from a hormone drenched car ride (flashing!) to unstructured anonymous protest (breaking sh!t) to an afterparty (streaking!), "Who's In Control?" structures its question not as one of political authority but biological imperative.

Tempting as it is to consider "Who's In Control?" a micro update of Bernardo Bertolucci's latter day effort The Dreamers, the reality is probably that it is, like so many things British Sea Power, a visual prank. Once known as the band that would dress up in antique naval regalia while flanked by stuffed birds of every variety, BSP's more recent shenanigans have found the band posing as U2 for this era of irony. That means a big arena sound with big hollow lyrics and big pretend ideals. In lesser hands it could have been a massive failure but BSP know their shit and are nothing if not committed.

What does that mean, exactly? Well, it means the joke's not on them, it's on us. BSP get that rock music is far more likely to stir your loins than your head and so the cast of characters for the video seem to be attending a protest not as devoted political enthusiasts but as players in a rite of passage. They get their scuffs and wounds, sure, but that all just adds to the thrill. The surge of adrenaline they take in after the fact turns them not towards further political action but further acts of horniness, taking to the streets in a defiantly nude manner.

Is it art? God, no. Does it make perfect sense for the music? Oh, yes.

View the video below.  Thoughts?

New Pornographers "Moves"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Tom Scharpling's video for the New Pornographers' "Moves" is so simple, it's genius. Like an indie rock music video version of Tropic Thunder, the "Best Show" co-host turned video director has assembled an all-star cast of comedians to make what is essentially one big faux-trailer for a Hollywood production of the New Pornographers' story, complete with a Paul Rudd and Bill Hader-starring preceding trailer. Scharpling hits all the right notes in "Moves," with scenes that cleverly reference films like Ray or Walk the Line while remaining relatively faithful to parts of New Pornographers history.

We begin with a look at a young A.C. Newman (played by Scharpling collaborator and Superchunk member Jon Wurster), quietly strumming his guitar on the streets of 1977 Toronto before some bullies shut him down. Undeterred, young Newman puts up an ad seeking a baseball team's-worth of backing musicians. Faux-Newman finds help in the form of the Daily Show's Wyatt Cenac, Horatio Sanz, character actor Kevin Corrigan as co-band leader Dan Bejar (actually a pretty fitting resemblance), Julie Klausner as Neko Case, a crossdressing Ted Leo and others. Success, in typical Hollywood fashion, hits the band soon after as we see Todd Barry struggling to keep up with consumer demand for the band's 7" at his store.

From there the band hits the top of the charts (if only!) and flies southward to achieve fame and glory in the US, where they have a press conference (with Donald Glover in attendance, no less) and are mobbed by passionate fans on the street. The real fun starts when everything goes downhill, though, as we get Wyatt Cenac sprinkling his pizza with cocaine while Leo lounges drunkenly about in a cocktail dress and the inevitable overblown studio sessions have everything from Corrigan strumming his guitar with a gun and then pointing at a Ziggy Stardust make-up coated Michael Lisk. There's also the matter of John Hodgman's over demanding CEO getting his ass kicked.

"Moves" may not be the most original video you've ever seen, but it's more hilarious than it has any right to be.

View it below.  Thoughts?

New Pornographers "Moves"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Tom Scharpling's video for the New Pornographers' "Moves" is so simple, it's genius. Like an indie rock music video version of Tropic Thunder, the "Best Show" co-host turned video director has assembled an all-star cast of comedians to make what is essentially one big faux-trailer for a Hollywood production of the New Pornographers' story, complete with a Paul Rudd and Bill Hader-starring preceding trailer. Scharpling hits all the right notes in "Moves," with scenes that cleverly reference films like Ray or Walk the Line while remaining relatively faithful to parts of New Pornographers history.

We begin with a look at a young A.C. Newman (played by Scharpling collaborator and Superchunk member Jon Wurster), quietly strumming his guitar on the streets of 1977 Toronto before some bullies shut him down. Undeterred, young Newman puts up an ad seeking a baseball team's-worth of backing musicians. Faux-Newman finds help in the form of the Daily Show's Wyatt Cenac, Horatio Sanz, character actor Kevin Corrigan as co-band leader Dan Bejar (actually a pretty fitting resemblance), Julie Klausner as Neko Case, a crossdressing Ted Leo and others. Success, in typical Hollywood fashion, hits the band soon after as we see Todd Barry struggling to keep up with consumer demand for the band's 7" at his store.

From there the band hits the top of the charts (if only!) and flies southward to achieve fame and glory in the US, where they have a press conference (with Donald Glover in attendance, no less) and are mobbed by passionate fans on the street. The real fun starts when everything goes downhill, though, as we get Wyatt Cenac sprinkling his pizza with cocaine while Leo lounges drunkenly about in a cocktail dress and the inevitable overblown studio sessions have everything from Corrigan strumming his guitar with a gun and then pointing at a Ziggy Stardust make-up coated Michael Lisk. There's also the matter of John Hodgman's over demanding CEO getting his ass kicked.

"Moves" may not be the most original video you've ever seen, but it's more hilarious than it has any right to be.

View it below.  Thoughts?

Kanye West "All of the Lights ft. Rihanna, Kid Cudi"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

The big buzz amongst critics about Kanye West's "All of the Lights" video is that director Hype Williams pretty much entirely lifted the title sequence from Gaspar Noe's Enter the Void for the middle portion of the video. Hell, Williams even went out of his way to play up the epileptic fit-inducing traits of that part of West's video, with a warning at the beginning and in the YouTube description. It's pretty easy to see why, since Hype Williams is and will always be a music video director who is first and foremost concerned with spectacle and flash.

As such, the portions of the video that aren't a rip-off of Noe's screwe- up drug epic feel a little lacking. There's some kind of story here but it's thin at best and the fact that "All of the Lights" features Rihanna prominently while West goes off about a (one time) abusive partner trying to be forgiven makes that story unnecessarily awkward.

Sopleasefortheloveofgodjustkeepshowingtheprettyprettylights.

Ahem.

Williams does manage to fit those pretty pretty lights into lots of places, though, like alleyways and on top of police cars and in a house that feels vaguely like the abode from one and/or both of those Paranormal Activity movies. No, it doesn't make sense. No, no one cares. All that should matter to you is that the whole thing could make you have an epileptic fit and that at one point, West is jumping on cop car roofs like he was Michael Jackson in "Black or White." Or maybe I only think that because I swear both West and Kid Cudi are rocking leather jackets from separate eras of Michael Jackson history.

Is "All of the Lights" a good video? Not in comparison to other West or Hype Williams productions, no. Will it enhance and/or totally ruin your acid trip? Yes, most definitely.

View the video below. Thoughts?

Kanye West "All of the Lights ft. Rihanna, Kid Cudi"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

The big buzz amongst critics about Kanye West's "All of the Lights" video is that director Hype Williams pretty much entirely lifted the title sequence from Gaspar Noe's Enter the Void for the middle portion of the video. Hell, Williams even went out of his way to play up the epileptic fit-inducing traits of that part of West's video, with a warning at the beginning and in the YouTube description. It's pretty easy to see why, since Hype Williams is and will always be a music video director who is first and foremost concerned with spectacle and flash.

As such, the portions of the video that aren't a rip-off of Noe's screwe- up drug epic feel a little lacking. There's some kind of story here but it's thin at best and the fact that "All of the Lights" features Rihanna prominently while West goes off about a (one time) abusive partner trying to be forgiven makes that story unnecessarily awkward.

Sopleasefortheloveofgodjustkeepshowingtheprettyprettylights.

Ahem.

Williams does manage to fit those pretty pretty lights into lots of places, though, like alleyways and on top of police cars and in a house that feels vaguely like the abode from one and/or both of those Paranormal Activity movies. No, it doesn't make sense. No, no one cares. All that should matter to you is that the whole thing could make you have an epileptic fit and that at one point, West is jumping on cop car roofs like he was Michael Jackson in "Black or White." Or maybe I only think that because I swear both West and Kid Cudi are rocking leather jackets from separate eras of Michael Jackson history.

Is "All of the Lights" a good video? Not in comparison to other West or Hype Williams productions, no. Will it enhance and/or totally ruin your acid trip? Yes, most definitely.

View the video below. Thoughts?

Tyler the Creator "Yonkers"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

When Odd Future made their big breakthrough thanks to an incendiary appearance on Jimmy Fallon, there was a clear feeling of "What's next?" amongst those who'd been digging the crew for some time.

At the center of Odd Future, and thus its commercial stakes for the moment, is Tyler the Creator, a smart guy who knows a thing or two about image and theatrics. Tyler is smart enough to realize that a big part of the growing interest in him and the rest of Odd Future is the result of their passion for horror imagery and sinister beats. So, for the video for his big XL single "Yonkers," Tyler has kept that overarching feeling of dread and cleaned it up a bit without sacrificing anything. The effect is startling not just in its execution but also in how assured it makes the young artist seem.

Like the video for Gnarls Barkley's own breakthrough hit "Crazy," "Yonkers" is simple in the extreme. With Tyler framed dead center and the camera shifting focus constantly, you can't help but focus on Tyler's face and hands. Showcasing a surprising degree of acting ability, Tyler's performance is unhinged without being hammy, insane without seeming forced- his facial expressions alone convey more horror than the entire Scream franchise. Armed with only his facial contortions and a Madagascar hissing cockroach, Tyler doesn't need big special effects or camera tricks to scare the shit out of you.

The impressive thing, though, is that "Yonkers" is no novelty track. As serious as a landmine, "Yonkers" is a brooding, unfiltered look through the psyche of an angry young man with a beat you can't help but get infected by. Every look Tyler gives in its video, every act, from vomiting to eating a roach, feels scary but logical; "Yonkers" is the sound of an open wound, the video's shots just a reflection of the healing process, ugly but necessary. If you've ever doubted hip-hop is art, here's your chance for redemption.

View the video below. Thoughts?

Tyler the Creator "Yonkers"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

When Odd Future made their big breakthrough thanks to an incendiary appearance on Jimmy Fallon, there was a clear feeling of "What's next?" amongst those who'd been digging the crew for some time.

At the center of Odd Future, and thus its commercial stakes for the moment, is Tyler the Creator, a smart guy who knows a thing or two about image and theatrics. Tyler is smart enough to realize that a big part of the growing interest in him and the rest of Odd Future is the result of their passion for horror imagery and sinister beats. So, for the video for his big XL single "Yonkers," Tyler has kept that overarching feeling of dread and cleaned it up a bit without sacrificing anything. The effect is startling not just in its execution but also in how assured it makes the young artist seem.

Like the video for Gnarls Barkley's own breakthrough hit "Crazy," "Yonkers" is simple in the extreme. With Tyler framed dead center and the camera shifting focus constantly, you can't help but focus on Tyler's face and hands. Showcasing a surprising degree of acting ability, Tyler's performance is unhinged without being hammy, insane without seeming forced- his facial expressions alone convey more horror than the entire Scream franchise. Armed with only his facial contortions and a Madagascar hissing cockroach, Tyler doesn't need big special effects or camera tricks to scare the shit out of you.

The impressive thing, though, is that "Yonkers" is no novelty track. As serious as a landmine, "Yonkers" is a brooding, unfiltered look through the psyche of an angry young man with a beat you can't help but get infected by. Every look Tyler gives in its video, every act, from vomiting to eating a roach, feels scary but logical; "Yonkers" is the sound of an open wound, the video's shots just a reflection of the healing process, ugly but necessary. If you've ever doubted hip-hop is art, here's your chance for redemption.

View the video below. Thoughts?

Jennifer Lopez "On the Floor ft. Pitbull"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

I may as well be reviewing a commercial with Jennifer Lopez's new video "On the Floor." The clip actually starts out with a long, luxurious look at the fine, sleek body of a new BMW before moving up to examine the luscious curves and lines of some Swarovksi earrings. I don't know what the freaky extras made up to look like a cosplay version of the X-Men films' version of Mystique are advertising, but if buying it will make them go away and stop haunting my every waking moment, I'll gladly pay up.

Product placement is pretty much the only thing "On the Floor" is good for, what with the track featuring J. Lo doing the world's worst Nicki Minaj imitation (complete with Linda Blair-like head rolls!) and some bald SNL character who I assume is Pitbull dropping mindless provocations on the verses. There are probably worse J. Lo songs out there, but absolutely nothing in this video doesn't scream "HEY! I'M ON AMERICAN IDOL NOW! THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT ME AGAIN! OKAY?!"

J. Lo's biggest issue remains her inability to figure out what kind of pop star she is. In "On the Floor," she seems to think she's of the aggressively dancey variety, a tarted up bar star eager to make her lust known. The problem is that J. Lo is wholly unconvincing in this role. Have you seen J. Lo's face? Have you seen how flawlessly delicate and royal it is? She may think she's Jenny from the block, but everyone knows she's an urban princess at worst, a Latin queen at best. Worse, her "American Idol" stint, as good as it has admittedly been, has made it extremely obvious that J. Lo is soft and romantic, a person who (at least while in front of millions of home viewers) looks for the best in everyone and takes every failure to heart.

That J. Lo has never played to that aspect of her image honestly kind of confuses me. I don't know who these image makers are that have convinced J. Lo to combine Nicki Minaj's schizophrenic alpha sexuality with Black Swan reject costuming, but they don't know what they're doing (and hey, Crown Royal? You need to figure your image out too, there's no way in hell some Swan queen sitting on a throne is going to be ordering you, golden platter or not). It's high time someone figured out who J. Lo is before she uses up all nine of her celebrity lives.

View the video below. Thoughts?

Jennifer Lopez "On the Floor ft. Pitbull"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

I may as well be reviewing a commercial with Jennifer Lopez's new video "On the Floor." The clip actually starts out with a long, luxurious look at the fine, sleek body of a new BMW before moving up to examine the luscious curves and lines of some Swarovksi earrings. I don't know what the freaky extras made up to look like a cosplay version of the X-Men films' version of Mystique are advertising, but if buying it will make them go away and stop haunting my every waking moment, I'll gladly pay up.

Product placement is pretty much the only thing "On the Floor" is good for, what with the track featuring J. Lo doing the world's worst Nicki Minaj imitation (complete with Linda Blair-like head rolls!) and some bald SNL character who I assume is Pitbull dropping mindless provocations on the verses. There are probably worse J. Lo songs out there, but absolutely nothing in this video doesn't scream "HEY! I'M ON AMERICAN IDOL NOW! THAT MEANS YOU SHOULD CARE ABOUT ME AGAIN! OKAY?!"

J. Lo's biggest issue remains her inability to figure out what kind of pop star she is. In "On the Floor," she seems to think she's of the aggressively dancey variety, a tarted up bar star eager to make her lust known. The problem is that J. Lo is wholly unconvincing in this role. Have you seen J. Lo's face? Have you seen how flawlessly delicate and royal it is? She may think she's Jenny from the block, but everyone knows she's an urban princess at worst, a Latin queen at best. Worse, her "American Idol" stint, as good as it has admittedly been, has made it extremely obvious that J. Lo is soft and romantic, a person who (at least while in front of millions of home viewers) looks for the best in everyone and takes every failure to heart.

That J. Lo has never played to that aspect of her image honestly kind of confuses me. I don't know who these image makers are that have convinced J. Lo to combine Nicki Minaj's schizophrenic alpha sexuality with Black Swan reject costuming, but they don't know what they're doing (and hey, Crown Royal? You need to figure your image out too, there's no way in hell some Swan queen sitting on a throne is going to be ordering you, golden platter or not). It's high time someone figured out who J. Lo is before she uses up all nine of her celebrity lives.

View the video below. Thoughts?

Lady Gaga "Born This Way"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

I bet once or twice you've asked yourself, "Self, what exactly would a hybridization of Legend, Dune and 2001: A Space Odyssey look like? Better yet, "Self, what would it look like with Lady Gaga at the center?" Well Self, your answer is all here in Lady Gaga's most recent, most hilarious attempt at high art in "Born This Way."

Even by Gaga standards, "Born This Way" is monumentally pretentious. Outside of the video's stunted aesthetic, full of every piece of retro throwback iconography you can think of (unicorns, triangles, cubes, um, beehive hairdos), you have its opening sequence, which goes through a checklist of wankery. There's the high-falutin' narration that references intergalactic races and rebirths, then there's the literal rebirth as Lady Gaga actually gives birth to herself not once but twice. The first birth is done through trick photography, including lens swipes and kaleidoscopes, but there's still the matter of Gaga's face being covered in embryonic fluids. The second one...well, I prefer to block that one from my memory altogether for fear of being struck down by night terrors.

Anyway, it's all just meant as a distraction from what is Lady Gaga's most blatant bid for Madonna's throne yet, since "Born This Way" is essentially a 21st century update on "Express Yourself." As far as I can figure, the only difference is Madonna had the good sense to have David Fincher direct her video and keep her clad in smart pant suits while a German Expressionist set caught the viewers' eyes until the mighty cone bra made its appearance.  Meanwhile, Lady Gaga chooses to dispense with all that foreplay and just get straight to the birthing vaginas, phallic guns and dance numbers done in underwear.

Lady Gaga's smartest move remains her devotion to making the most  crazy and pretentious of videos as an effort to disguise the otherwise bland, rehashed elements of her music. I don't fault Gaga at all for choosing style over substance and recognizing that she needn't worry about being a totally mediocre songwriter and singer when she can just make her image the product instead of the music itself. Gaga recognizes that consumers want spectacle above all else and she gives it to them, never mind the fact that she's basically just stealing from people who are much more talented than her.

The obvious takeaway of that last statement, of course, is that she's by no means the first or the last to do this. In fact, if you wanted to be really clever, you could point out that Madonna herself is pretty much guilty of the same thing. Except for one small little difference: Madonna's skill has always been in her ability to merge trends and be ahead of the curve. True, she can't sing or write, but Madonna's true cultural importance is her genius talent for staying way ahead of pop culture. If you're looking for a new Madonna I can tell you with certainty that it's M.I.A. not Gaga, but since M.I.A. tends to mostly keep her clothes on, I guess she'll remain second fiddle as far as the public's concerned.

Video the video below. Thoughts?

Lady Gaga "Born This Way"

Music Video Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

I bet once or twice you've asked yourself, "Self, what exactly would a hybridization of Legend, Dune and 2001: A Space Odyssey look like? Better yet, "Self, what would it look like with Lady Gaga at the center?" Well Self, your answer is all here in Lady Gaga's most recent, most hilarious attempt at high art in "Born This Way."

Even by Gaga standards, "Born This Way" is monumentally pretentious. Outside of the video's stunted aesthetic, full of every piece of retro throwback iconography you can think of (unicorns, triangles, cubes, um, beehive hairdos), you have its opening sequence, which goes through a checklist of wankery. There's the high-falutin' narration that references intergalactic races and rebirths, then there's the literal rebirth as Lady Gaga actually gives birth to herself not once but twice. The first birth is done through trick photography, including lens swipes and kaleidoscopes, but there's still the matter of Gaga's face being covered in embryonic fluids. The second one...well, I prefer to block that one from my memory altogether for fear of being struck down by night terrors.

Anyway, it's all just meant as a distraction from what is Lady Gaga's most blatant bid for Madonna's throne yet, since "Born This Way" is essentially a 21st century update on "Express Yourself." As far as I can figure, the only difference is Madonna had the good sense to have David Fincher direct her video and keep her clad in smart pant suits while a German Expressionist set caught the viewers' eyes until the mighty cone bra made its appearance.  Meanwhile, Lady Gaga chooses to dispense with all that foreplay and just get straight to the birthing vaginas, phallic guns and dance numbers done in underwear.

Lady Gaga's smartest move remains her devotion to making the most  crazy and pretentious of videos as an effort to disguise the otherwise bland, rehashed elements of her music. I don't fault Gaga at all for choosing style over substance and recognizing that she needn't worry about being a totally mediocre songwriter and singer when she can just make her image the product instead of the music itself. Gaga recognizes that consumers want spectacle above all else and she gives it to them, never mind the fact that she's basically just stealing from people who are much more talented than her.

The obvious takeaway of that last statement, of course, is that she's by no means the first or the last to do this. In fact, if you wanted to be really clever, you could point out that Madonna herself is pretty much guilty of the same thing. Except for one small little difference: Madonna's skill has always been in her ability to merge trends and be ahead of the curve. True, she can't sing or write, but Madonna's true cultural importance is her genius talent for staying way ahead of pop culture. If you're looking for a new Madonna I can tell you with certainty that it's M.I.A. not Gaga, but since M.I.A. tends to mostly keep her clothes on, I guess she'll remain second fiddle as far as the public's concerned.

Video the video below. Thoughts?

"American Idol" Season 10, Episode 17: When 13 Becomes 12

Television Review

By our guest blogger, Catherine Fuentes

My predictions for the bottom three were two-thirds right: I should’ve known that Stefano is too attractive to be in the bottom three so soon. I clearly forgot the voting demographic of "American Idol."

I guess Ryan Seacrest got used to having two hours to eliminate contestants, rather than one hour, and he only brought up less than half of the contestants before announcing that Karen, Haley and Ashthon were in the bottom three. It made the whole night seem a little rushed and anti-climactic.

While I didn’t have Karen in my guess of the bottom three, I didn’t find her inclusion to be particularly surprising. She didn’t give as impressive or as memorable a performance as she could have, and it was very apparent that she was having a rough night.

Ashthon got the bad news, and after her swan song, which was an improvement on Tuesday’s weak performance, Jennifer Lopez called upon her other career as an actress to deliver the bad news. Why was a deliberation even necessary? The judges save should never be used in week one, especially for a contestant who had already been saved by the judges.

It all makes me wish that someone more deserving of the Top 13, someone like Robbie Rosen, had gotten saved last week over Ashthon. I really don’t think Robbie would’ve been sent home tonight.

In an actually surprising turn of events, Lauren Alaina broke down into tears when acknowledging her performance from Tuesday was not good. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Lauren! And shame on you, Ryan, for allowing a perfectly talented and young girl reduce herself to tears due to your shameless prodding. It’s true: her performance on Tuesday wasn’t her best, but it still was easily in the top half of performances that night.

Other news to keep an eye on: Casey Abrams is back in the hospital. As soon as the Top 24 was announced two weeks ago he was hospitalized, and unfortunately, he’s returned. I really hope nothing is serious, and that he makes a speedy recovery. I don’t want to imagine this competition without Casey Abrams.

"American Idol" Season 10, Episode 17: When 13 Becomes 12

Television Review

By our guest blogger, Catherine Fuentes

My predictions for the bottom three were two-thirds right: I should’ve known that Stefano is too attractive to be in the bottom three so soon. I clearly forgot the voting demographic of "American Idol."

I guess Ryan Seacrest got used to having two hours to eliminate contestants, rather than one hour, and he only brought up less than half of the contestants before announcing that Karen, Haley and Ashthon were in the bottom three. It made the whole night seem a little rushed and anti-climactic.

While I didn’t have Karen in my guess of the bottom three, I didn’t find her inclusion to be particularly surprising. She didn’t give as impressive or as memorable a performance as she could have, and it was very apparent that she was having a rough night.

Ashthon got the bad news, and after her swan song, which was an improvement on Tuesday’s weak performance, Jennifer Lopez called upon her other career as an actress to deliver the bad news. Why was a deliberation even necessary? The judges save should never be used in week one, especially for a contestant who had already been saved by the judges.

It all makes me wish that someone more deserving of the Top 13, someone like Robbie Rosen, had gotten saved last week over Ashthon. I really don’t think Robbie would’ve been sent home tonight.

In an actually surprising turn of events, Lauren Alaina broke down into tears when acknowledging her performance from Tuesday was not good. Don’t be so hard on yourself, Lauren! And shame on you, Ryan, for allowing a perfectly talented and young girl reduce herself to tears due to your shameless prodding. It’s true: her performance on Tuesday wasn’t her best, but it still was easily in the top half of performances that night.

Other news to keep an eye on: Casey Abrams is back in the hospital. As soon as the Top 24 was announced two weeks ago he was hospitalized, and unfortunately, he’s returned. I really hope nothing is serious, and that he makes a speedy recovery. I don’t want to imagine this competition without Casey Abrams.

Britney Spears' "Hold It Against Me"

Video Music Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

I bet you're asking yourself "How does Britney Spears make it through all those arduous photo shoots?" Luckily for you, friend, the answer can be found right here in Spears' latest video, "Hold It Against Me."

You see, Spears has patented a trademark daily system that allows her to overcome all the difficulties of her tasks and work and now you can too!  Just watch the video below: The first step is to calculate the trajectory of the closest meteoroid and be sure to set yourself up in the vicinity of its Earthly impact point. Step two is to strip down to just your underwear and some choice accessories. Once you've removed yourself of modesty, you're ready to get into the proper Spearsian headspace.

That last bit is pretty important because if you aren't in that headspace, it'll be difficult if not impossible for you to pull off your choreographed underwear dance routine with your assistants or coworkers. And if you can't pull off the dance routine, you simply won't be able to go to your Spears place, where you'll be frolicking in your wedding gown while watching videos of yourself from back in your prime.

Spears' trademark daily system will also help you find true love through its complex mixture of chemical injections to your fingers, strong hallucinogenics that make you think you're floating and, um, the perfect PlentyofFish profile. It's a little known fact that achieving true love is much easier when you're flanked by faceless bodyguards/dancers, something about the lack of features instills calm. This daily system will even teach you how to combat your doubting inner self to a dubstep breakdown...in heels no less!

Watch as Spears displays her highly effective yet easy to learn combination of white trash dirty fighting and Matrix-influenced vaguely Asian kicks and blocks. Part of what makes Spears-jitsu so effective is the element of surprise- namely, your opponents will be so surprised that you're actually trying to punch them in the kneecap that they'll let their guards down just long enough for you to get that TKO. *Dubstep remix not included, users must purchase their own separately.

So, sign up before it's too late! You'll be required to submit to endless product placement and may at some point find yourself shaving your head bald but aren't these just small prices to pay for true happiness?

View the video below. Thoughts?

Britney Spears' "Hold It Against Me"

Video Music Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

I bet you're asking yourself "How does Britney Spears make it through all those arduous photo shoots?" Luckily for you, friend, the answer can be found right here in Spears' latest video, "Hold It Against Me."

You see, Spears has patented a trademark daily system that allows her to overcome all the difficulties of her tasks and work and now you can too!  Just watch the video below: The first step is to calculate the trajectory of the closest meteoroid and be sure to set yourself up in the vicinity of its Earthly impact point. Step two is to strip down to just your underwear and some choice accessories. Once you've removed yourself of modesty, you're ready to get into the proper Spearsian headspace.

That last bit is pretty important because if you aren't in that headspace, it'll be difficult if not impossible for you to pull off your choreographed underwear dance routine with your assistants or coworkers. And if you can't pull off the dance routine, you simply won't be able to go to your Spears place, where you'll be frolicking in your wedding gown while watching videos of yourself from back in your prime.

Spears' trademark daily system will also help you find true love through its complex mixture of chemical injections to your fingers, strong hallucinogenics that make you think you're floating and, um, the perfect PlentyofFish profile. It's a little known fact that achieving true love is much easier when you're flanked by faceless bodyguards/dancers, something about the lack of features instills calm. This daily system will even teach you how to combat your doubting inner self to a dubstep breakdown...in heels no less!

Watch as Spears displays her highly effective yet easy to learn combination of white trash dirty fighting and Matrix-influenced vaguely Asian kicks and blocks. Part of what makes Spears-jitsu so effective is the element of surprise- namely, your opponents will be so surprised that you're actually trying to punch them in the kneecap that they'll let their guards down just long enough for you to get that TKO. *Dubstep remix not included, users must purchase their own separately.

So, sign up before it's too late! You'll be required to submit to endless product placement and may at some point find yourself shaving your head bald but aren't these just small prices to pay for true happiness?

View the video below. Thoughts?

Ghostface Killah "2getha Baby"

Video Music Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Even though the video for "2getha Baby" seems to be mostly about women dressing Ghostface, I can't help but be excited. Why? Well, "2getha Baby" is a pretty great cut from the unfortunately slept-on Apollo Kids, which was an extremely welcome return to form for ol' Ghostface after the bizarrely good but no less odd slow jams album Ghostdini.

By contrast, Apollo Kids is prime Ghostface Killah, full of impenetrable jargon and menacing swagger set to a schizophrenic Yakub beat that channels old school R&B (courtesy of a Huff & Gamble-penned Intruders track) before launching fully into the trademark Wu-Tang sound.

That, of course, means a piercing hook and lo-fi drums, clearing the air completely for Ghostface's flow. The video itself is completely at odds with the track, which has a kind of claustrophobic glory to it, like Ghostface is fighting his way out of hell itself in the vocal booth. I guess skin sells but that still doesn't explain why Ghostface spends the bulk of his time in the clip getting jackets placed on him or why some poor girl appears to be trapped in a shower.

Like latter day Clipse videos, it's almost as if the goal of the video directors is to minimize the cocaine references completely even though absolutely no one who's into these acts is unaware of that aspect of their narrative. The effect winds up being one of severe dissonance, like watching Reservoir Dogs on ABC or listening to a Kidz Bop take on Only Built 4 Cuban Linx. Why Ghostface can't find himself getting "The Wire" treatment or at least landing a director with the balls to tell his street narrative the way it should be is beyond me. It just begs the question: is there a video form of mute? Oh, right, it's called an album, forgot about those things.

View the video below. Thoughts?

Ghostface Killah "2getha Baby"

Video Music Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Even though the video for "2getha Baby" seems to be mostly about women dressing Ghostface, I can't help but be excited. Why? Well, "2getha Baby" is a pretty great cut from the unfortunately slept-on Apollo Kids, which was an extremely welcome return to form for ol' Ghostface after the bizarrely good but no less odd slow jams album Ghostdini.

By contrast, Apollo Kids is prime Ghostface Killah, full of impenetrable jargon and menacing swagger set to a schizophrenic Yakub beat that channels old school R&B (courtesy of a Huff & Gamble-penned Intruders track) before launching fully into the trademark Wu-Tang sound.

That, of course, means a piercing hook and lo-fi drums, clearing the air completely for Ghostface's flow. The video itself is completely at odds with the track, which has a kind of claustrophobic glory to it, like Ghostface is fighting his way out of hell itself in the vocal booth. I guess skin sells but that still doesn't explain why Ghostface spends the bulk of his time in the clip getting jackets placed on him or why some poor girl appears to be trapped in a shower.

Like latter day Clipse videos, it's almost as if the goal of the video directors is to minimize the cocaine references completely even though absolutely no one who's into these acts is unaware of that aspect of their narrative. The effect winds up being one of severe dissonance, like watching Reservoir Dogs on ABC or listening to a Kidz Bop take on Only Built 4 Cuban Linx. Why Ghostface can't find himself getting "The Wire" treatment or at least landing a director with the balls to tell his street narrative the way it should be is beyond me. It just begs the question: is there a video form of mute? Oh, right, it's called an album, forgot about those things.

View the video below. Thoughts?

She & Him "Don't Look Back"

Video Music Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

I have quite the dilemma when it comes to quirky indie outfit She & Him. I love Zooey Deschanel and even though I occasionally doubt her acting range, I'll admit that the appearance of her in pretty much anything is enough to warm this cold heart. On the other hand, I loath M. Ward. I can't even explain why. Something about him just irks me (let's just go ahead and blame the ever-present sun glasses) and I've never been able to stomach any release he's gone near.

Until She & Him.

It helps that She & Him is a project that's mostly confined to updating the girl group sound of the '60s, a sound I happen to be completely enamored with. There's also that Zooey connection, what with her fronting the group and having a surprisingly tender, effective voice. And I have to confess that they've managed to lock down a pretty fascinating aesthetic as well, which is on prime display in their latest video "Don't Look Back."

Opening like an educational film from the 1960's about the "sound of tomorrow," "Don't Look Back" is incredibly stylish in its own throwback way, even managing to avoid otherwise inevitable "Mad Men" comparisons by sticking to the more quaint, wholesome end of that particular picture. The instrument collector geek in me also gets excited by the cameo from a Vox Continental organ (though it's weirdly used here as an electric piano).

Sure, at times it looks like a hip Target commercial, and it feels a little gimmicky and there's that slight rip on Herbie Hancock's "Rock-It" video going on for discernible reason. But I dare you to go watch it and not come out warmed. If you do manage to do that, I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest it's just your deep seated fear of hipsters doing that to you and you've inadvertently lumped this duo in with that lot. Hell, it even has jetpacks. What's not to love?

Now, I just need to find some way to replace M. Ward with myself.

View the video below. Thoughts?

She & Him "Don't Look Back"

Video Music Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

I have quite the dilemma when it comes to quirky indie outfit She & Him. I love Zooey Deschanel and even though I occasionally doubt her acting range, I'll admit that the appearance of her in pretty much anything is enough to warm this cold heart. On the other hand, I loath M. Ward. I can't even explain why. Something about him just irks me (let's just go ahead and blame the ever-present sun glasses) and I've never been able to stomach any release he's gone near.

Until She & Him.

It helps that She & Him is a project that's mostly confined to updating the girl group sound of the '60s, a sound I happen to be completely enamored with. There's also that Zooey connection, what with her fronting the group and having a surprisingly tender, effective voice. And I have to confess that they've managed to lock down a pretty fascinating aesthetic as well, which is on prime display in their latest video "Don't Look Back."

Opening like an educational film from the 1960's about the "sound of tomorrow," "Don't Look Back" is incredibly stylish in its own throwback way, even managing to avoid otherwise inevitable "Mad Men" comparisons by sticking to the more quaint, wholesome end of that particular picture. The instrument collector geek in me also gets excited by the cameo from a Vox Continental organ (though it's weirdly used here as an electric piano).

Sure, at times it looks like a hip Target commercial, and it feels a little gimmicky and there's that slight rip on Herbie Hancock's "Rock-It" video going on for discernible reason. But I dare you to go watch it and not come out warmed. If you do manage to do that, I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest it's just your deep seated fear of hipsters doing that to you and you've inadvertently lumped this duo in with that lot. Hell, it even has jetpacks. What's not to love?

Now, I just need to find some way to replace M. Ward with myself.

View the video below. Thoughts?

"Justin Bieber: Never Say Never"

Movie Review

Directed by Jon Chu, 105-minutes, Rated G.

By our guest blogger, Matthew Schimkowitz

To the nation's many Bieber fans, “Never Say Never” is a Godsend--a chance to get up close and personal with their teen idol, as the people who know him best add to Bieber-lore, with tales of his sudden rise to fame. It's an intimate look that still keeps him at a distance -- and hence, a pop-deity.

To the non-believers, “Never Say Never” should be avoided like the plague (and probably will be). They'll see it as a quick cash grab, which could've been released as a 10 minute MTV doc, blown to epic proportions in -- you guessed it -- 3D, which seems even more unnecessary here, because half of the film is YouTube clips of Bieber's early career.

Bieber’s sudden rise to fame takes up much of the film’s discussion. At 16, the young teen became an international superstar in less than a year. His early YouTube clips take up a majority of this part of the tale, documenting his first performances in all their pixelated glory. It’s certainly a surprising story, but it’ll certainly make you wonder why you paid the extra money for 3D glasses, when half of the footage is available for free online.

Intercut with the early footage are interviews with Bieber’s team. His manager, vocal coach, and family all throw their two cents in, chronicling their young boss’s journey. What’s surprising is how little time we spend talking to the Biebs himself. They keep him surprisingly distant in interviews.

Then there are the fans. This seems like a point of connection for the film’s key audiences. Young girls flood the screen with declarations of love. Kids will relate to their loyalty, parents might reminisce about their teenage obsession, but everyone else will probably be annoyed with the whole thing.

Nothing really stands out as anything memorable for non-Bieber fans. “Never Say Never” makes for a sub-par concert documentary of his impressive sold out show at Madison Square Garden, and his elaborate stage show creates some cool spectacle. But for those who can’t stand this sugary brand of pop confection would best steer clear. If you think Bieber’s extended hand reaching out to you in 3D sounds frightening, imagine “One Less Lonely Girl” pumping through your theater’s high-decibel surround sound system.

It’s difficult to be objective towards “Never Say Never.” You already know if you’re going to see it or not, which lies squarely on whether or not you appreciate Bieber’s music. But if you don’t, pray your kids have similar taste.

Grade: C

"Justin Bieber: Never Say Never"

Movie Review

Directed by Jon Chu, 105-minutes, Rated G.

By our guest blogger, Matthew Schimkowitz

To the nation's many Bieber fans, “Never Say Never” is a Godsend--a chance to get up close and personal with their teen idol, as the people who know him best add to Bieber-lore, with tales of his sudden rise to fame. It's an intimate look that still keeps him at a distance -- and hence, a pop-deity.

To the non-believers, “Never Say Never” should be avoided like the plague (and probably will be). They'll see it as a quick cash grab, which could've been released as a 10 minute MTV doc, blown to epic proportions in -- you guessed it -- 3D, which seems even more unnecessary here, because half of the film is YouTube clips of Bieber's early career.

Bieber’s sudden rise to fame takes up much of the film’s discussion. At 16, the young teen became an international superstar in less than a year. His early YouTube clips take up a majority of this part of the tale, documenting his first performances in all their pixelated glory. It’s certainly a surprising story, but it’ll certainly make you wonder why you paid the extra money for 3D glasses, when half of the footage is available for free online.

Intercut with the early footage are interviews with Bieber’s team. His manager, vocal coach, and family all throw their two cents in, chronicling their young boss’s journey. What’s surprising is how little time we spend talking to the Biebs himself. They keep him surprisingly distant in interviews.

Then there are the fans. This seems like a point of connection for the film’s key audiences. Young girls flood the screen with declarations of love. Kids will relate to their loyalty, parents might reminisce about their teenage obsession, but everyone else will probably be annoyed with the whole thing.

Nothing really stands out as anything memorable for non-Bieber fans. “Never Say Never” makes for a sub-par concert documentary of his impressive sold out show at Madison Square Garden, and his elaborate stage show creates some cool spectacle. But for those who can’t stand this sugary brand of pop confection would best steer clear. If you think Bieber’s extended hand reaching out to you in 3D sounds frightening, imagine “One Less Lonely Girl” pumping through your theater’s high-decibel surround sound system.

It’s difficult to be objective towards “Never Say Never.” You already know if you’re going to see it or not, which lies squarely on whether or not you appreciate Bieber’s music. But if you don’t, pray your kids have similar taste.

Grade: C

Whites Stripes Call It Quits

Music News

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Though they've been on hiatus since 2007, it still comes as a surprise to hear that the White Stripes are breaking up. The band, which has existed since 1997, released their last album Icky Thump to rave reviews and great success, receiving a Grammy Award for Best Alternative Album and another for Best Rock Performance for the album's title track. It was around that time that the band went on its last tour, which took them through Canada for the first time and found the band playing in several eccentric venues, including the kick off performance in a youth center.

That tour was abruptly canceled after Meg White began to suffer from acute anxiety problems and 18 dates were left unfulfilled. Nonetheless, a documentary of the tour, called Under the Great Northern Lights was produced and premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival to good reviews. The band's announcement of their break-up this week on their website specifically claimed that the breakup was not because of health reasons though it did not specify why the band was no more.

Instead, the White Stripes used the statement to celebrate their fans, to whom they said the White Stripes now belonged, and say that the breakup was for the best, in order to preserve what was "beautiful and special about the band." Jack White, of course, continues to be involved in several different projects, including The Raconteurs and the Dead Weather as well as running his label Third Man Records, through which he has been reissuing the White Stripes' back catalog as well as works by bands like the Cold War Kids.

Meg White has yet to announce any new projects but since 2009 she has been married to Jackson Smith, son of late MC5 guitarist Fred "Sonic" Smith and legendary performer Patti Smith.

Whites Stripes Call It Quits

Music News

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Though they've been on hiatus since 2007, it still comes as a surprise to hear that the White Stripes are breaking up. The band, which has existed since 1997, released their last album Icky Thump to rave reviews and great success, receiving a Grammy Award for Best Alternative Album and another for Best Rock Performance for the album's title track. It was around that time that the band went on its last tour, which took them through Canada for the first time and found the band playing in several eccentric venues, including the kick off performance in a youth center.

That tour was abruptly canceled after Meg White began to suffer from acute anxiety problems and 18 dates were left unfulfilled. Nonetheless, a documentary of the tour, called Under the Great Northern Lights was produced and premiered at the Toronto International Film Festival to good reviews. The band's announcement of their break-up this week on their website specifically claimed that the breakup was not because of health reasons though it did not specify why the band was no more.

Instead, the White Stripes used the statement to celebrate their fans, to whom they said the White Stripes now belonged, and say that the breakup was for the best, in order to preserve what was "beautiful and special about the band." Jack White, of course, continues to be involved in several different projects, including The Raconteurs and the Dead Weather as well as running his label Third Man Records, through which he has been reissuing the White Stripes' back catalog as well as works by bands like the Cold War Kids.

Meg White has yet to announce any new projects but since 2009 she has been married to Jackson Smith, son of late MC5 guitarist Fred "Sonic" Smith and legendary performer Patti Smith.