The Cave: Movie & DVD Review (2005)
9/02/2007 Posted by Admin
Inside this "Cave," it's hollow, not very deep(Originally posted 2005)
Timing isn't on the side of "The Cave," but neither is its story, so let's just seal the entrance to this baby now and be done with it.
This tepid horror movie from first-time director Bruce Hunt unintentionally recalls the recent real-life deaths of four spelunkers who drowned in a narrow, underwater passageway while traveling through a cave in Provo, Utah. Not exactly the press you want a week before going into theaters, but what can you do when that's the press your movie courts?
The bad news extends to Michael Steinberg and Tegan West's script, which finds in the dark reaches of the cave in question something equally unexpected--no, not Osama, but the vault in which Twentieth Century Fox apparently has been storing its "Alien" franchise.
There, Steinberg and West have pilfered liberally, hooking elements of those movies onto their movie. The result is a rip-off, complete with similar-looking beasts and similarly designed situations, the likes of which don't exactly enjoy a similar outcome. Indeed, it's safe to say that the air of "Alien" familiarity that hangs in "The Cave" does it no favors.
In the film, rock-jawed Cole Hauser is Jack, the humorless leader of a mission that leads several people into the Carpathian Mountains in search of a new ecosystem. Joining him are a melting pot of the world's best-looking scientists, divers and documentarians, most of whom could have funded this entire expedition by ditching their clothing and putting out a calendar.
Joining Jack in Romania are his brother, Tyler (Eddie Cibrian), who smolders amid the stalagmites; a rock climber played by everyone's favorite "Coyote Ugly," Piper Perabo, who defies gravity in more ways than one; biologist Dr. Katherine Jennings (Lena Headey), who enjoys a brief flirtation with Tyler before the movie somehow forgets to consummate their relationship; as well as Morris Chestnut as Top Buchanan, whose name says it all for defining elements of his character.
Rounding out the crew are hot-head Briggs (Rick Ravanello), Strode (Kieran Darcy-Smith) and photographer, Kim (Daniel Dae Kim). The odd duck here is the aging Dr. Nicolai (Marcel Iures), who looks like a real person (not a bonus), and who joins the rest of the team in essentially being bait for what comes next--the albino monsters, which have the ability to fly, swim, crawl, leap and feast with remarkable haste and bloodshed.
Ross Emery's cinematography and Pier Luigi Basile's set design are strong, but the movie is so rote, there's never a question where it's leading. Every one of its surprises are packaged. People get picked off, the screen shakes, monsters roar, the prettiest survive. The ending is especially a cheat, with no closure reached and thus only existing with the high hopes of setting up a sequel.
Should that happen, one can only imagine the gene pool from which those characters will emerge.
Grade: C-
Timing isn't on the side of "The Cave," but neither is its story, so let's just seal the entrance to this baby now and be done with it.
This tepid horror movie from first-time director Bruce Hunt unintentionally recalls the recent real-life deaths of four spelunkers who drowned in a narrow, underwater passageway while traveling through a cave in Provo, Utah. Not exactly the press you want a week before going into theaters, but what can you do when that's the press your movie courts?
The bad news extends to Michael Steinberg and Tegan West's script, which finds in the dark reaches of the cave in question something equally unexpected--no, not Osama, but the vault in which Twentieth Century Fox apparently has been storing its "Alien" franchise.
There, Steinberg and West have pilfered liberally, hooking elements of those movies onto their movie. The result is a rip-off, complete with similar-looking beasts and similarly designed situations, the likes of which don't exactly enjoy a similar outcome. Indeed, it's safe to say that the air of "Alien" familiarity that hangs in "The Cave" does it no favors.
In the film, rock-jawed Cole Hauser is Jack, the humorless leader of a mission that leads several people into the Carpathian Mountains in search of a new ecosystem. Joining him are a melting pot of the world's best-looking scientists, divers and documentarians, most of whom could have funded this entire expedition by ditching their clothing and putting out a calendar.
Joining Jack in Romania are his brother, Tyler (Eddie Cibrian), who smolders amid the stalagmites; a rock climber played by everyone's favorite "Coyote Ugly," Piper Perabo, who defies gravity in more ways than one; biologist Dr. Katherine Jennings (Lena Headey), who enjoys a brief flirtation with Tyler before the movie somehow forgets to consummate their relationship; as well as Morris Chestnut as Top Buchanan, whose name says it all for defining elements of his character.
Rounding out the crew are hot-head Briggs (Rick Ravanello), Strode (Kieran Darcy-Smith) and photographer, Kim (Daniel Dae Kim). The odd duck here is the aging Dr. Nicolai (Marcel Iures), who looks like a real person (not a bonus), and who joins the rest of the team in essentially being bait for what comes next--the albino monsters, which have the ability to fly, swim, crawl, leap and feast with remarkable haste and bloodshed.
Ross Emery's cinematography and Pier Luigi Basile's set design are strong, but the movie is so rote, there's never a question where it's leading. Every one of its surprises are packaged. People get picked off, the screen shakes, monsters roar, the prettiest survive. The ending is especially a cheat, with no closure reached and thus only existing with the high hopes of setting up a sequel.
Should that happen, one can only imagine the gene pool from which those characters will emerge.
Grade: C-
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