Speed Racer: Movie Review (2008)
5/11/2008 Posted by Admin
Fresh from the fires of Hell, a failureWritten and directed by the Wachowski Brothers, 135 minutes, rated PG.
The unbearable new Wachowski Brothers movie, “Speed Racer,” forgot to bring the speed, it forgot to bring the fun and it forgot to remember that restraint, even in an action movie, can make individual scenes of action more exciting if there are moments of calm to set them off.
That isn’t the case here.
This empty, annoyingly overwrought movie roars with dizzying flashes of color, sound and light, but given the film’s bloated running time (135 minutes!), its boring characters, dim script, junk performances and absolute lack of momentum, the movie’s engine doesn’t just stall. It catches fire and explodes, right in your face.
This film isn’t just a dog--it’s the whole dog pound. Ever been to a Pachinko parlor? This movie is akin to that, especially if you spend your time there hammering your head against one of the machines. And even then you wouldn’t come close to realizing the chaos that’s achieved here.
The Wachowskis wrote the script from the popular 1960s “Speed Racer” cartoon series, itself a delicate concoction of corny throwaways wrapped around appealingly crude anime that existed best in the painted realm of another’s imagination.
The Wachowskis failed to bring the cartoon to life, but they did succeed in driving people out of my screening. That likely wasn’t the desired outcome, but that’s still the case. Of note was one particularly fidgety child, who bolted from his seat midway through and made for the exit, with his father in hot pursuit. It’s tough to blame them. Given the restlessness of the crowd, some of us watched them move toward the light and the promise of escape it offered with a pang of envy.
About the movie. It stars Emile Hirsch in a major comedown after his terrific performance in one of last year’s best films, “Into the Wild.” Here, Hirsch is Speed, who has had racing in his blood ever since he was a child, when he idolized his older brother, Rex (Scott Porter), a champion driver who lost his life in a crooked competition that stained the sport.
Now, as a young adult, it’s Speed who’s in the driver’s seat, with his mother (Susan Sarandon), father (John Goodman), little brother (Paulie Litt) and the family’s pet chimpanzee all cheering him on from the sidelines. Joining them there is Speed’s romantic interest, Trixie (Christina Ricci, wasted), but working to undo him is the evil Royalton (Roger Allam), who wants to crush Speed when he refuses to race for Royalton’s questionable corporation.
Also in the mix is the mysterious Racer X (Matthew Fox) and Korean singing sensation Rain as the Japanese racer Taejo, who join forces with Speed to bring the sport back to its glory days, which will mean trumping Royalton for good.
What unfolds is a muddled plot that should have matched the winding loops and curves of the tracks upon which Speed races. It doesn’t. This is a movie that’s so unimaginative when it comes to its storyline and its underdeveloped characters, which are really what matter, that it tarts up the tedium with nightmarish, quick-cut editing, and ongoing eruptions of color and bombast meant to distract us from the fact that there’s nothing here.
Too bad the Wachowskis failed to pull that off, too.
Grade: D-
May 11, 2008 at 2:33 PM
I'm sorry. I disagree. It may be either that I'm more immune to head aches, or that I went to actually enjoy the movie.
May 11, 2008 at 2:47 PM
I love Christina Ricci in particular, so I went into it with high hopes. But...I hated it. I thought it was a mess.
May 11, 2008 at 6:28 PM
I have not seen the movie but people have told me they liked it and I want to win it so I can see for myself.Thanks.
May 11, 2008 at 10:22 PM
I hated my own movie! Go figure!
May 12, 2008 at 8:47 AM
Christopher, I so agree with you. I took my two sons and they were bored long before it was over. I should have taken then to see Iron Man again.
May 12, 2008 at 9:41 AM
So many Speed Racer haters in the world! Please people, it's an over the top movie based on an over the top cartoon. Simple plot line and LOTS of cars. Iron man certainly had alot more to work with. My wife and 3 kids enjoyed BOTH movies. Certainly not epics, but very entertaining.
May 12, 2008 at 9:51 AM
Wes, over-the-top movies can be great, but they need to have some emotional connection to the characters. I agree that the cars were cool, but the plot, even for a kids movie, was dumb.
May 12, 2008 at 11:23 PM
I Disagree. This movie is simply revolutionary. The criticisms I've heard have about the plot been nothing but mediocre excuses for a misunderstanding of fairly complex story. YOU HAD TO PAY ATTENTION TO UNDERSTAND THE PLOT!! If you were just kinda-sorta following along it's gonna be boring: you have no idea whats going on! The Wachowskis pulled off the first live action anime or cartoon, whichever you'd consider it. Some say the colors and silly comedy and lack of realism, it's a fake movie, just to let the five-year-olds who said that know, makes the movie cheap and poor in quality. What? I don't want to know where you pulled that from, I might throw up. You know what I think? I think that Jetsons show? Well, it is just too unrealistic for me. The fact that it's based in the future and possibly in another world could never explain the practicality of putting buildings thousands of feet in the air on a poles. Seriously people? It's a movie made to look like a cartoon, though silly and colorful and even "not real/realistic" (I never would've guessed, I thought it was a documentary) may leave it looking like a low budget, poor quality movie to some, the difference to others like gold and fool's gold, the fool's gold with a big flashing arrow saying "this one's a fake!" From the second I saw this movie and it's advertisements I knew it would have plenty of naive critics coming down hard on it that would be hard to debate back against because they actually had no good reasoning for saying it was bad but the fact that it was goofy and unrealistic, simply because there's been nothing like it made before. (these critics being anyone who's seen it and holds any opinion on it) They think their cool to say "That movie was or lame!" or "That was so stupid!" and other shallow remarks giving no explanation of why or in what way it was bad simply that it was, most likely covering up for their lack of knowledge that the movie was an original in it's perfect transformation from cartoon to live-action cartoon, in which way they went all in. I must say, I think if they wouldn't have the movie might not have turned out so well. Not even to mention the action, which was simply amazing, for those who've seen anime and cartoons and are above the age of five, old enough to realize movies and the puppets of Sesame Street are not real, this is an instant classic and already one of my favorites. I'd give it five stars out of five, if I could.
CAUTION!
To those who said the assortment of colors gave them a headache, I advise you to see a doctor. You may be coming down with a severe case of "crappy-movie-critic-excuse-maker syndrome". It could also be an extremely contagious case of "if I look at rainbows I get headaches" or the sickness of "I whine a lot". (Okay, I admit, I made the last one up)
May 12, 2008 at 11:53 PM
archangel, heck yes!
I mean, come on people. It's a movie adapted from a cartoon adapted from a Japanese anime called "Mach GoGoGo"; what did you expect. I think this movie ruled so hard. The only reason these people think it's boring is because the plot behind the action is a concept average modern people cannot grasp; family.
May 13, 2008 at 1:05 PM
Its good to see so many readers here supporting Speed Racer, and denouncing shallow critics who forgot to bring their attention spans to this movie.
I thoroughly enjoyed it from beginning to end. I loved the color schemes the Wachowski's brought to it.
Every performance in the film is at least "very good"; there are 2 that come to mind which could be said to be "great": Matthew Fox as Racer-X was perfect; and the guy who played the head of Royalton Industries was even better than Tim friggin Curry.
Please check my own Speed Racer review, which attempts to expose the "Conspiracy" against the Wachowskis. Lovers of the movie will appreciate my gonzo rant about it all.
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=4577854&blogID=393310356
May 13, 2008 at 1:26 PM
Ooooohhhhhhhh.....I hated this movie! And I really enjoy the Wachowskis. But come on, this is no great movie and I don't think Christopher's review was shallow. It's just his opinion.