Halloween II: Movie Review (2009)
9/03/2009 Posted by Admin
Movie Review
Halloween II
Halloween II
Written and directed by Rob Zombie, 105 minutes, rated R.
Dear Rob Zombie:
First off, may I call you by your first name? Rob? Robert? Or would Mr. Zombie do? I’m assuming Robbie is out, though given the inherent alliteration Robbie Zombie presents, you might consider adopting it for future use. You know, for marketing purposes. That sort of thing.
Anyway, it doesn’t really matter, as it’s unlikely that we’ll be friends after this.
I recently saw your latest effort behind the lens, “Halloween II,” a remake of Rick Rosenthal’s 1981 horror movie with Jamie Lee Curtis as Laurie Strode, and feel well enough now to pass along a few thoughts on its risible execution as well as a few regrets for all of that unfortunate explaining you now must be saddled with.That last part has to be a drag. I mean, how do you explain away unparalleled incompetence on every level? Sure, you can just nod and smile politely while you grind your teeth into bloody posts. Or, if you’re of another mind (and I have to believe you are), perhaps you could use a helpful hand gesture if you’re not in the mood to practice good manners (and I have to believe you aren’t).
Still, no matter how you handle it, trying to get people to understand that you’ve made the year’s worst film has to be trying. And for that reason alone, I feel sorry for you. Sort of. OK, not at all.
About your movie. It’s just a bloody windbag of exploding cows, butchered bodies, nasty necrophiliacs, bloodletting gone berserk and madness running rampant, isn’t it? As John Carpenter proved in the original “Halloween,” most of this could have been handled with a measure of finesse, sustained suspense, violence that was implied instead of exploited, and a core character — Laurie Strode (now played by the grating Scout Taylor-Compton) — who you come to care about. All of that is lacking here just as it was in Rosenthal’s weak sequel. As a result, your movie is a crude, scattered, disjointed mess. It’s a pandemonium of the pathetic.
Let’s talk about Laurie for a minute. In Carpenter’s hands, she was the good girl with the clean mouth and the bad hair who loved children and carved them cute little pumpkins before Michael Myers wreaked havoc on her life and turned her into a screaming banshee. In Rosenthal’s hands, she essentially only reprised the role to be on the run from Michael while providing her share of shrieks. In your hands — literally, since you dictated the script (to an illiterate?) — Laurie now sounds as if she’s graduated magna cum laude from the four-letter school of hard knocks.
What a mouth on that one! Your Laurie is about as likable as a fist in the face — her presence in a room could turn pale walls into shades of black — and so the key element missing from your movie is someone to root for. I could have cared less about your Laurie. In fact, I kind of hated her.
Same goes for the story. Just so we’re on the same page, remaking a horror movie doesn’t have to be a horror show. All one has to do is look to Zack Snyder’s “Dawn of the Dead,” John Carpenter’s “The Thing,” Werner Herzog’s “Nosferatu” and Philip Kaufman’s “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” to see that it can be pulled off with panache. In your movie, you’ve essentially run a knife through the franchise’s gut. And then you do it again and again. Rinse and repeat. Hammer away and hammer hard.Thing is, beyond the ongoing sense of confusion you generate onscreen, you feel nothing in “Halloween II.” The whole movie is a misreading of what makes a horror film good — attention to the main characters (Malcolm McDowell’s performance as Dr. Loomis is a Razzie in the waiting), and especially attention to designing a landscape that allows suspense to roam and mount. Instead, you overwhelm with a barrage of gore while stuffing in a stupid back story that revisits — through hallucination, no less — why Michael Myers became the serial killer, Michael Myers (Tyler Mane).
With broad nods at Freud (that’s deep), this apparently involves the use of a gleaming white horse and the ghostly vision of Michael’s mother (your real-life wife, Sheri Moon Zombie). Some will remember that Michael’s mom was a pole stripper in your last movie, 2007’s “Halloween,” also a bum remake, but here, she’s aglow with empty eyes, vapid dialogue, a white wicked witch wig, and plenty of mean ideas. I’d say that’s an improvement. Also, it must be noted that the mere fact that you featured this talentless never-was in another movie suggests a healthy marriage and true love. So, let’s toast to that.What we can pour our drinks over is your movie. Please don’t make another.
All best,
Christopher
Grade: F-
I M A C GI VE A W A Y!
September 4, 2009 at 12:34 AM
So you didn't like it. Next time try not to sugarcoat it so much. lol
September 4, 2009 at 4:18 PM
Yeah ok, but did you like it or not? LOL! Wow! Guess your not getting any Halloween 2 swag to give away are you!
September 4, 2009 at 10:54 PM
Let me guess... you didn't like it.
September 6, 2009 at 4:42 AM
tweeted!
September 6, 2009 at 8:14 AM
its obvious you had your mind made up about Zombie and the film before you saw it.
And you probably get more pleasure derailing films than you do actually seeing them.
September 6, 2009 at 4:01 PM
OUCH! Rob Zombie may not be the best filmmaker in the world, but he isn't that bad.
I guess it's obvious you aren't a big fan of gore. That's fine.
Some people love the gore.
It's okay to be critical, but you really slashed Zombie's film.
Ouch!
September 7, 2009 at 11:23 AM
His movie was shit.
Christopher
September 7, 2009 at 12:50 PM
um she was in toolbox murders, before she married rob, and I thought she was quite good in Devil's Rejects
September 7, 2009 at 5:50 PM
Yes, well, Toolbox Murders and The Devil's Rejects--both are *cough* classics, aren't they?
What does "quite good" even mean with his movies? That his actors can shriek? I have never once been scared at one of his movies. Grossed out--maybe. But never scared, and maybe he should try to achieve that in a horror movie.
Christopher
September 7, 2009 at 9:50 PM
Classics, no, but good movies in their own rights yes. Rob Zombie isn't an amazing filmmaker by any means but with Devil's Rejects, he brought out something you don't see everyday which was how ugly people could be, and I dug that. I also think the movie would have been nothing without the 3 main people getting down and dirty. A gross movie with good ideas.
September 7, 2009 at 9:53 PM
Also he brought out one good thing as a filmmaker, showing his wife can act, but hopefully she will show it in more films other than her husbands horror/slasher films. I really think she could be a really good actress someday just needs to get away from the darkness of all Zombie's "vision"
September 8, 2009 at 3:59 AM
um.. sometimes i wonder if we all sat through the same movie. i have been a die hard halloween fan for over 20 years. christophers reaction to me was spot on! let's pretend for a moment that it didn't matter that every character talked the exact same way (uneducated redneck) or the fact that the only times i was at the edge of my seat was at each meaningless gut wrenching scene when i threatened to leave the theater. this, just like the first remake, was painstakingly clear. garbage! AND I WANTED TO LIKE IT!!
September 11, 2009 at 11:04 PM
I agree with the review guy. I felt no sympathy for Rob's "Laurie" and felt that Rob's "Micheal" was just another masked momma's boy. (Jason Vorhees might get angry at Mike-e for jockin his methods)
September 13, 2009 at 6:50 PM
shit movie was shit.
September 13, 2009 at 6:56 PM
as someone else has already stated I've been a Halloween fan for as long as I've been walking.
that being said I didn't particularly care for Mr.Zombies original halloween remake, although in his defense it was at least somewhat within the ballpark of the John Carpenter Film...
going into Halloween 2, I figured Mr.Zombie could not possibly fuck up what he has started anymore....WOW WAS I WRONG.
if he didn't post that definition of "white horse" you wouldn't know what the fuck is going on for half of the movie, but hey...nice trippy mind sequences that don't really add up to squat.
his kill scenes are rather boring, but brutal and bloody. not all together unagreeable.
Laurie...laurie what happened, I used to care wether you lived or died, but about 20 minutes into this film and I was waiting for you to get your fucking head chopped off.
I'd like to comment on Dr.Loomis, but really I don't have too as I assume Donald Plesance is rolling over in his grave at this very moment...(RIP.
theres so much more but as my post already reeks of nerd rage and poorly constructed arguements i'll just end it here.
in closing, this is the ONLY halloween film when I got out I uttered "Man...I hope they never make another Halloween Film"
die and burn rob zombie
die and burn.
September 14, 2009 at 1:49 AM
Your "review" < Halloween 2
September 24, 2009 at 12:05 PM
Thanks for your review I would love to post one 2 so here is mine:
The Good:
Brutal honesty. I am struggling to form concrete opinions in the “GOOD” department. Here are my generous conclusions:
ACTING: The performances, on the whole, were impressive. Scout Taylor-Compton (who just wrapped The Runaway’s with Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning) reprised her role as Laurie Strode, which was surprisingly emotionally demanding…even for a slasher film. Typically, the blood-curdling screams and flooding displays of tears from every horror film’s protagonist are a direct result of them being chased with a dagger or power tool. Laurie’s character, however, is slowly discovering the magnitude of her fractured state of mind since having witnessed the brutal death of her parents one year ago, by our pal, Mr. Meyers. Taylor-Compton is playing a deeply traumatized teenage girl battling her own sanity. That being said, I applaud her painfully honest portrayal of Laurie.
The Good/Bad
The Gore: Yes, it’s a Rob Zombie film, so unwarranted slaughter-scenes come with the territory. But there were probably about 10 minutes of tape, in total, that weren’t speckled with blood. For eighty percent of the screening my eyes were staring at the back of their lids. Since press screenings are free, I endured the cinematic nightmare. Will the general movie-going audience willingly muster up the stamina required to get through this two-hour circus of executions??
The Bad:
Zombie made the choice to give this installment more depth, sure. The dream sequences and sub-conscious visits from “young” Michael Meyers were an attempt to feature a back-story of some sort. Lovely. Elaborating on Laurie’s story to highlight her madness gave her character some potential substance. Even lovelier. But the excessive, sickeningly vivid, overtly gruesome slaughter scenes every six minutes served as an enormous deflection. Nobody in the audience cared about these fresh character explorations – they were trying to anesthetize their nausea.
Overall:
Again, it’s a Rob Zombie picture – an audience should know what to expect. This is not my favorite genre, so I admit, it was not my cup of tea. If you’re into the guts, go for it. But don’t say I didn’t warn you…
Rating: 5/10
September 26, 2009 at 10:31 PM
The movie sucks. Period.
Christopher
September 29, 2009 at 7:51 AM
Great review, Christopher!
I totally agree with you!
They should reboot Halloween again or continue the old series.
rob zombie is a piece of shit and so is every movie he makes!
October 5, 2009 at 9:23 PM
What the hell are you talking about? I saw the first Halloween remake in 2007, it was MILES better than the original with Jamie Lee "I can't act to save myself" Curtis. Her movie was absolutely BORING, and I can say that effecively because I fell asleep watching it, and have never bothered with the rest of her Halloween movies. The first Rob Zombie remake was WAY better, not scary because movie goers nowadays have seen too much too be scared by a movie. Very rarely (like 1% of the time now) do you get a movie that will scare you because you've seen everything before. So you can't judge things based on that.
While I am ranting, I may as well say that I am by no means a Rob Zombie fan, I don't listen to his music and Halloween was the first of his movies I have seen but I liked it. Also, I will definitely see Halloween II, if it ever makes it down to NZ (still haven't seen it advertised yet, better hurry the F up!!)
To sum up: Jamie Curtis's Halloween = sucked! Rob Zombie's Halloween = MUCH better!!
October 5, 2009 at 9:34 PM
Oh, HorrorFan--I so disagree! The movie was a piece of shit from beginning to end. Zombie couldn't direct his way out of box. I hated the movie, I've hated all his movies, and I hope he never makes another movie--though I know more are in the pipeline. Can't wait to review them.
Christopher
October 30, 2009 at 1:30 PM
H2 was a horrible film. But, with your last comment, the obvious anti-Zombie bias shows as well. But hey, it's your site.
January 16, 2010 at 12:31 AM
I did not like this movie.. but then again its not my usual genre'.
January 23, 2010 at 6:49 PM
Christopher,
In your response to comment:
"Zombie couldn't direct his way out of box. I hated the movie, I've hated all his movies, and I hope he never makes another movie"
If you can't as a critic give a director a fair shake with each new endeavor, you should hang up your critique hat. While you may not like Mr.Zombies style, at least he is attempting to have a style which is more ambitious than half of the commercial film makers on the scene. Love it or hate it, perhaps you can appreciate the attempt to use a unique voice.
That being said
I do not agree with your assertions that Zombie should give up just because you did not like his films. Personally, I was not a fan of this particular review, however, I will give your other work an opportunity. I will not marginalize your efforts because I'm not a fan of your unnecessary vitriol towards Zombie.
Personally - I thought Halloween II was ambitious and risky for a horror movie sequel, that being said Zombie missed the mark.
January 30, 2010 at 6:42 AM
This review is as pretentious as Halloween II is bad.
February 6, 2010 at 10:51 PM
I really wanted to like the remake of Halloween 2 but I agree, I thought it was awful. The characters were completely unlikeable. I will admit I am not a big fan of gore. I do not believe you have to have it to make a thriller/horror movie good. (Disturbia for example.) I've never watched of any of Zombie's other movies and I've never listened to his music so I went in with no decided ideas and I came out wishing I had skipped the whole thing.
February 10, 2010 at 12:37 PM
I couldn't make it through 30 minutes of this steaming pile of crap
March 19, 2010 at 3:58 PM
Seems rather unprofessional to attack the man (and his wife) personally. You don't like the movie? Fine. How about trying to be an adult about it, though?
April 1, 2010 at 8:38 PM
Brilliantly summed up Christopher, though I would have liked a ton of detail describing just how retarded Zombie's "vision" was, maybe it just exhausted you too much?
I sympathise man.
January 14, 2011 at 9:55 PM
I loved your blog. Thank you.