Miley Cyrus To "Sex" It Up in "Sex and the City 2"

By our guest blogger, Marie Biondolillo

Miley Cyrus: pop star, tween sensation, and . . . aspiring cougar? This spring, the 16-year-old Disney star will appear in "Sex and the City 2," the latest edition of Sarah Jessica Parker's endless clavicle festival.

Don't get me wrong--when it first started, "Sex and the City" was an enjoyably sharp and bubbly little show that went down as easily as cold Prosecco. But as the years went by, it evolved into documentary on SJP's ruthlessly depressing quest to turn back time via anorexia, sex addiction and shopaholism--otherwise known as the cougar Holy Grail. Over time, the show became less like the new "Golden Girls" and more like "Reefer Madness," but for shopahol. The last movie was just one long infomercial for shopahol, diet pills and Valtrex, and it's to be expected that the sequel will be more of the same.

The entrance of Ms. Cyrus into the franchise is irresponsible, as it may result in her tween fans becoming tempted to experiment with the cougar lifestyle. It may start out innocently enough--your middle-schooler will demand a $40,000 Birkin bag, and like any loving parent, you'll indulge her. But what will you do when she starts taking laxatives and bringing younger men home? No parent wants to have to explain why their 12-year-old is dating a kindergartener, much less field a 7th-grader's requests for a leather corset so that "Jayden and I can keep things spicy!"

One has to wonder about the Cyrus parents, Billy Ray and Leticia. We've known Billy Ray wasn't too smart for a while, ever since that song about begging your ex-girlfriend not to dump you in person because it might make your heart explode and kill you. But scandals like Miley's half-naked Vanity Fair cover, not to mention little incidents like the Teen Choice Awards performance, when she danced on a stripper pole, or her relationship with a 21-year-old underwear model, who was allowed to sleep over, indicate that both of the Cyruses may have worse parenting skills than feral wolves. After all, even feral wolf parents bring home the bacon (or bloody caribou) to their hungry children--not vice-versa.

I expect that Miley is being paid quite well to get crunked up and funky with her menopausal pals in "Sex and the City 2"--and also that Billy Ray and Leticia are probably getting a piece of the action. Maybe Child Protective Services should step in, before the Cyruses sign Miley up for "Red Shoe Diaries 2: Softcore Jailbait Party!"

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