Britney Spears' "Hold It Against Me" Video Music Review

Britney Spears' "Hold It Against Me"

Video Music Review

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

I bet you're asking yourself "How does Britney Spears make it through all those arduous photo shoots?" Luckily for you, friend, the answer can be found right here in Spears' latest video, "Hold It Against Me."

You see, Spears has patented a trademark daily system that allows her to overcome all the difficulties of her tasks and work and now you can too!  Just watch the video below: The first step is to calculate the trajectory of the closest meteoroid and be sure to set yourself up in the vicinity of its Earthly impact point. Step two is to strip down to just your underwear and some choice accessories. Once you've removed yourself of modesty, you're ready to get into the proper Spearsian headspace.

That last bit is pretty important because if you aren't in that headspace, it'll be difficult if not impossible for you to pull off your choreographed underwear dance routine with your assistants or coworkers. And if you can't pull off the dance routine, you simply won't be able to go to your Spears place, where you'll be frolicking in your wedding gown while watching videos of yourself from back in your prime.

Spears' trademark daily system will also help you find true love through its complex mixture of chemical injections to your fingers, strong hallucinogenics that make you think you're floating and, um, the perfect PlentyofFish profile. It's a little known fact that achieving true love is much easier when you're flanked by faceless bodyguards/dancers, something about the lack of features instills calm. This daily system will even teach you how to combat your doubting inner self to a dubstep breakdown...in heels no less!

Watch as Spears displays her highly effective yet easy to learn combination of white trash dirty fighting and Matrix-influenced vaguely Asian kicks and blocks. Part of what makes Spears-jitsu so effective is the element of surprise- namely, your opponents will be so surprised that you're actually trying to punch them in the kneecap that they'll let their guards down just long enough for you to get that TKO. *Dubstep remix not included, users must purchase their own separately.

So, sign up before it's too late! You'll be required to submit to endless product placement and may at some point find yourself shaving your head bald but aren't these just small prices to pay for true happiness?

View the video below. Thoughts?