Obvious News of the Day: Charlie Sheen is a Danger to Investments

Obvious News of the Day: Charlie Sheen is a Danger to Investments

Celebrity News

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Just in case this wasn't clear to you, you should never entrust your investments and income to a coke head with a thing for prostitutes and porn stars. As the Hollywood Reporter shows, CBS is learning this the hard way since their biggest sitcom (and arguably television's biggest in general) is now in the shaky hands of star Charlie Sheen, who reportedly could cost the network upwards of $250 million if he can't get his act together in time to keep "Two and a Half Men" from shutting down.

Data for the network shows that "Two and a Half Men" earns as much as $3 million per episode from ad revenue and last season raked in $155 million from ads alone. While CBS has expressed concern about Sheen's "well-being," the biggest reason they want the actor to go to rehab is that he's a huge risk to profits at the moment. Of course, it's not like Sheen is a newcomer to controversy (oh hai 9/11 Truth Movement), or hookers and blow, or endangering everyone around him (did you know he once accidentally shot Kelley Preston in the arm? True story). Or that he hasn't already been forced to go to rehab by CBS before. Oh, hey, look at that, it's been almost exactly a year since the last visit.

Even with all of this baggage, Sheen still appears to be considered a valuable asset by the network with sources estimating that he makes nearly $2 million per episode. So, America, you know you're in a recession. You know that the unemployment rate is still depressing as all hell. You can barely afford to feed and cloth yourself let alone your family. And yet you still love the black hole of reason, morality and finance that is Charlie Sheen, so much so that you've essentially granted him enough power to hold an entire network hostage until he either does all the coke in the world or dies.

Great job!