By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover
It seems that WB has decided to delay the inevitable no longer and has finally fired Charlie Sheen from "Two and a Half Men," according to the New York Times. WB's statement is short and concise and thus lacking the poetic gravitas of whatever insanity is coming out of Sheen's mouth at the moment, but it's hard to argue with the company's logic, with the clearest explanation being that Sheen's “statements, conduct and condition prevented him from performing his essential duties.”
The statement also goes on to say that the fate of "Two and a Half Men" will be decided later, so it's entirely possible that the show will continue on without Sheen, though this is likely to cause the ratings to plummet. Elsewhere, TMZ acquired the letter sent to Sheen's lawyer explaining in full detail why he was fired and making it clear that WB and showrunner Chuck Lorre had gone out of their way to make room for Sheen's increasingly brazen off-camera antics. The letter also goes on to take Sheen to task for his reputation, specifically the continued allegations that he abuses his partners and is in general alls about the hookers and blow. The best line, though, is easily the complaint about the "public spectacle of his self-inflicted disintegration." Sure, it might not be "just winning" or "tiger blood" or "fire-breathing fists," but, uh, at least it makes sense.
Sheen himself has taking this about as well as you'd expected. The actor told TMZ that WB was "in breach like so many whales" but confessed that he was happy that he would "never have to put on those silly shirts for as long as this warlock exists in the terrestrial dimension." Sheen has plenty to fall back on, though, since he continues to be a ratings bonanza everywhere he goes and has already contributed several phrases to the lexicon just this week alone.
First up is his winning Guinness World Record for Fastest Time to Reach One Million Followers on Twitter. That alone has already enabled him to turn start-up Internships.com into his own personal slave pen, as the site announced that "Team Sheen" would be using it to find themselves a #tigerbloodintern. So, if you like being threatened on a daily basis by a warlock with tiger blood and fire-breathing fists, you should get on that. Just don't look Sheen in the eye and under no circumstances whatsoever should you take any drinks from him that you have not poured yourself.