Along Came Polly: Movie Review, DVD Review (2004)

(Originally published 2004)

Written and directed by John Hamburg, 90 minutes, rated PG-13.

Early in “Along Came Polly,” the new gastrointestinal comedy with Ben Stiller and Jennifer Aniston, it’s revealed that Stiller’s character, Reuben, suffers from an acute stomach disorder, the likes of which tend to keep him rooted to the toilet should he eat the wrong sort of food.

Naturally, since this is one of those movies, Reuben, an uptight risk management expert, is exposed to everything he can’t and shouldn’t eat, with the end results being predictably noisy, disastrous and oh, so calamitous.

But not funny.

At my screening, each of Reuben’s bathroom blowouts was met with the sort of impatient silence normally reserved for those in the company of a stranger’s misbehaving child. Indeed, if audiences came to “Along Came Polly” to see sparks fly between Stiller and Aniston, what they got instead was the less-favorable “Along Came Diarrhea,” with poor Polly lost somewhere in between.

As written and directed by John Hamburg, the film follows Stiller’s Reuben, a recently married schmuck whose wife, Lisa (Debra Messing), cheats on him on their honeymoon with Claude (Hank Azaria), a French nudist cum scuba diver who’s known, shall we say, for his rather impressive snorkel.

Crushed, Reuben returns alone to New York, where he eventually reconnects with his old schoolmate and polar opposite, Polly, who loves to salsa, has a blind ferret for a pet, and who enjoys her share of spicy foods, which she eats with her unwashed fingers while encouraging Reuben to do the same.

Between them, young love and bacteria bloom. Reuben’s great challenge is to let go of his phobias and give in to Polly’s more bohemian ways, Polly’s great challenge is to allow love into her life, and the audience’s great challenge is to get through the movie, which is only slightly buoyed by supporting performances by Philip Seymour Hoffman as a former child star and Alec Baldwin as Reuben’s boss.

Like the dullest, most banal comedies, “Along Came Polly” will likely come and go without leaving its mark. Few will remember it, those who see it might wish they hadn’t, some ill-will will be generated.

On to the next movie.

Grade: D

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