Race to Witch Mountain: Movie Review (2009)

Directed by Andy Fickman, written by Matt Lopez and Mark Bomback, 99 minutes, rated PG.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has a new movie out. It’s a remake of 1975’s “Escape to Witch Mountain,” which the brass at Disney now are calling “Race to Witch Mountain,” a title that makes perfect sense since the movie itself appears to have been made in a massive rush.

Working from Matt Lopez and Mark Bomback’s script, director Andy Fickman offers a bland retelling of the already bland source material, which like the economy, hasn’t exactly held up.

And yet to be fair to the original film, it didn’t seem so bland back in the day. Upon leaving the theater, many tots likely were intoxicated by the idea that perhaps they, too, could lift objects with their minds and hurl them with reckless abandon at whatever struck their ire or fancy.

After seeing the remake, the same might be true for this film’s target audience of young boys and girls, though that’s probably questionable for one specific reason.

Today’s special effects and action sequences have been amplified to such an impressive level, this movie can’t compete with them. That’s where the disappointment will settle in, nevermind the sluggish pace of the story itself or the several wooden performances tucked within it.

In the film, Johnson is Jack Bruno (of course, he is), a Las Vegas taxi driver with former ties to the mob (not to mention to prison) who finds himself protecting two alien children. They are Seth (Alexander Ludwig, awful) and Sara (AnnaSophia Robb, horrible), two white, blond-haired, blue-eyed youths who are so creepy, they suggest that Hitler, were he alive, might have been responsible for the casting call.

Since FBI agent Henry Burke (Ciaran Hinds) is after them, it’s up to Jack to keep them out Burke’s hands while also figuring out a way to get them to Witch Mountain, where their space ship is being held for examination. If they don’t reach their ship and make it back home in time, trouble will ensue for all of us since Seth and Sara’s peeps are planning to take over Earth. Naturally, all of that can be prevented if Jack, Seth, Sara and a sexy scientist (Carla Gouging)…race to Witch Mountain!

Unfortunately, that exclamation point isn’t really deserved, particularly given Fickman’s lax direction, which shows no finesse for moving the action movie forward at the brisk clip it deserved. The best part of the movie turns out to be Johnson himself, who once again comes through with a game performance, but beyond him, nothing here is remarkable, nothing especially worth recommending. It’s just an old relic with new clothes and a weaker heart.

Grade: C-

View the trailer here: