Franco Nation: Doctorates and Stares

Franco Nation: Doctorates and Stares

Movie News

By our guest blogger, Nick Hanover

Since I am already covering the continued destruction of pop culture itself by Charlie Sheen, I figured I might as well write about both ends of the spectrum and provide an ongoing look at James Franco's attempts to do everything ever. I do this for you, dear readers. Because someone has to.

As Deadline reported earlier this week, James Franco has now been confirmed as the co-star of The Stare, a psychological thriller about a playwright played by Winona Ryder who starts losing her mind after struggles to get her next production off the ground. Franco is set to play one of the actors involved in the production and my guess is that he's the cause of Ryder's descent into madness, probably because when she's not looking he's, well, staring at her like this. Franco will also be producing the film which is written and directed by, surprise!, NYU graduate directing head Jay Anania, who has recently been one of Franco's professors.

But Franco being Franco, The Stare is but one small project in the Franco Nation. As the Houston Chronicle just reported, Franco has just been accepted into the prestigious doctorate literature and creative program at the University of Houston. On top of already being a graduate with a few degrees who has attended UCLA, NYU, Columbia and Yale, where he is currently pursuing a PhD in English, Franco is also a published author whose short story collection Palo Alto received decent reviews. Somehow, Franco is also attending the Rhode Island School of Design. Oh, and I suppose he's got that whole acting gig too.

Considering most of us normal humans struggle just to get out of bed in the morning, I believe this bit of news is only the latest piece of evidence for my theory that James Franco is some kind of mutant with abilities similar to the Marvel character Multiple Man. I refuse to accept any other explanation for fear that Franco's superhuman ambition and scope will just make me, and the rest of humanity, curl up into a ball and cry myself to sleep.