The Condemned: Movie Review, Blu-ray Review (2007)

Well, then, now we have "The Condemned," in which 10 death row inmates, all from various parts of the world and all on the chopping block for committing any number of atrocities, are sent to a faraway South Pacific island to murder each other. The reason? Naturally, to entertain those voyeurs who dig this sort of snuff and to make its crazed producer a few million bucks in the process.

For their trouble, the last inmate standing will get his or her freedom back, plus some spending money to presumably start life anew. Bonus!

In this case, the one really making the money is visionary producer Ian Breckel (Robert Mammone, awful), who has created the latest in quality, pay-per-view reality viewing. For a mere $50, viewers can stream the island's stabbings, rapes and slaughterings straight into their computers live via the Internet.

Before you blow you motherboard over that one, get this--the movie, which Scott Wiper based on a screenplay he co-wrote (in crayon?) with Rob Hedden, actually tries to convince us that it not only condemns violence, but that it's appalled by it. Isn't that clever? If only. That the movie was produced by World Wrestling Entertainment is just another source of amusement in a film that has some pretty funny ideas about what's entertaining.

And, goodness, what an entertainment they've assembled. Saddled with a time-sensitive explosive device strapped to their ankle, each inmate has exactly 30 hours to do their bloody thing or risk either being murdered or blown to bits. As such, the movie wastes no time in getting its grindhouse vibe on and manufacturing ways to make each victim fall like timber.

The WWE's Steve Austin is the most recognizable face in this melting pot of heathens, and at least he hasn't lost his sense of humor--he's allowed a few good one-liners, which he delivers with a likable swagger.

His character, Jack Conrad, works secretly for the government in ways that ironically allow him to come off as the more human of the bunch. As he rises up against the system, bashing through the movie with the full force of his considerable bulk, the cameras placed around the island record all of it in ways that are so choppily edited, the movie induces a sense of nausea that goes beyond the excessive bloodletting.

In some ways, "The Condemned" feels like a grinding together of "Grindhouse" and the voyeuristic "Vacancy," with obvious echoes of the television show "Survivor" running throughout. Yet unlike "Grindhouse," for instance, which winked broadly at audiences while shucking its share of cartoon violence, this movie has an undeniable mean streak that runs counter to its forced stance on anti-violence. There’s no joy to be had here, just death, brutality and revulsion, which the film rails against.

Make sense? Neither does the movie.

Grade: D