The 10 Best Slasher Flicks

10/30/2009 Posted by Admin

By our guest blogger, Gavin Stone.

The 10 Best Slasher Flicks

We love to be scared. Of course, that’s only when it is in a controlled environment where we still feel safe. There is no better controlled environment than a movie theater. For decades we have watched as slashers have graced the silver screen, and in honor of Halloween – my favorite holiday ever – I give you my 10 best slasher flicks. Yet you won’t find most of these on any major lists. These are the overlooked gems on the market that get lost under the major behemoths like Halloween and Friday the 13th.

#10 – "Dark Ride"
A crazy man lives in a shut-down amusement park dark ride that some teens sneak into. Guess what? Things go wrong and the kids become the ride scenery. I wonder how many tickets it was for that ride? Stupid carnivals and their stupid ticket systems. No wonder the poor kid went crazy and killed people and lived in the shut-down carnival. He has so many tickets he has to use! Why waste it all?

#9 – "From Hell"
Long before Freddy and Jason, there was Jack the Ripper. And this movie does an excellent job of treating him in an exciting light. Poor prostitutes. Too bad they didn’t have the kind of pimps we have today. Couldn’t you see the purple velvet flair brigade with their pimp hands ready for a beat down hunting Jack the Ripper? Word.

#8 – "Seven"
Someone is up to no good and killing people based off the seven deadly sins. Such a simple concept, but a great experience. Except of course for those people who were killed. I’m sure they are pretty pissed right about now. Especially the one in the box.

#7 – "Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon"
A film crew follows around an up-and-coming slasher as he prepares his big coming out event. It is a fun romp into the making of such grand events as Jason’s big Crystal Lake exploits and Freddy’s nightmare planning. But how in the hell did they find this guy? Oh wait, craigslist. Of course.

#6 – "Battle Royale"
Though not your traditional spooky slasher flick, Battle Royale is an emotionally frightening slasher movie. Instead of just one or two mad killers, there are over 40--all of them Japanese school students assigned a different weapon. Last one standing wins.

#5 – "Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street"
The classic tale of revenge and pies. Meat Pies. Now with more people in every bite! Barber returns from false imprisonment to a world turned upside down and vows vengeance. And what better way to hide the corpses than to make them into pies. God Bless Ye Old London.

#4 – "Last House on the Left"
This is one thoroughly disturbing horror movie. The original was worse than the remake, but the tone was the same. Criminals find, rape and kill two girls, then end up at one of their parents house for the night. What are the odds, huh? Not very intelligent killers if you ask me. Small town. Kill two kids. Statistics say you got a 1 in 3 chance of running into their parents. Small Town Math. Look it up.

#3 – "Hatchet"
What is it about Louisiana that draws out the creepies? In this movie, a bunch of tourists on a Haunted New Orleans boat tour get lost and come face to face with the local legend that they refuse to believe is real. Oh, he’s real all right--real enough to kill. I hope the tour offers refunds. Oh wait, everyone is dead. Score one for the tour company.

#2 – "Midnight Meat Train"
This is one of those movies that was recommended to me by a good friend. The premise – A reporter discovers that a subway train at a certain time each night becomes a train of death. The more he investigates, the darker it becomes until he finds himself smack in the middle of much more than he can handle. I thought it was a movie about a train made of meat driven by the Hamburger Helper Glove. Toot Toot, all aboard for dinner!

#1 – "Freaks"
Ever seen this old black-and-white movie? It is about a circus, and the story revolves around a band of freaks, but these are no actors, they are real freaks. At first, it doesn’t look like a slasher flick. But it ends up being one. I cannot watch the end of this movie without squirming. Once you see a man with no arms and no legs crawling under a carriage in a thunderstorm with a knife in his mouth and death in his eyes you will understand. One of us. One of us. Sure, if you just don’t kill me.

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  1. Admin said...

    Freaks is one of my favorite horror movies. And that scene Gavin describes is amazing. Todd Browning, the director, nailed it. The film has been assailed by how it views the disabled, but it was a movie of and for the times, and it still holds.

  2. Gavin said...

    Hell yeah. It's about a bunch of freaks that are just people hunting down the money grubbing woman. Holy hell this movie is awesome.