The Fog: Movie & DVD Review (2005)

(Originally published 2005)

At a late-night screening of "The Fog," a boggy remake of JohnCarpenter's tense 1980 version of the movie, it wasn't the film thatcaptivated most members of the audience. Instead, it was the ongoingflurry of text messaging that was the root of their entertainment.

What were they saying to each other, these teens scattered among theaudience? Were they all agreeing that the movie blows? That's possible, particularly since so few appeared to be enjoying it.

Their faces leaned into the light of their glowing cell phones, they tapped relentlessly, pushing more buttons than they imagined, and then turned in their seats to seek the source of the giggle that inevitably rang through the dark once the message was received.

While it's true that movie etiquette isn't what it used to be--theaters seem to have become living rooms, in which many feel free to chat and do as they please, and to hell with you if you don't like it. Still, in this case, it's tough to blame the kids for wanting to do anything else but watch the movie, regardless of how self-centered they came off. There is, after all, not much here to watch.

As directed by Rupert Wainwright from a script by Cooper Layne, "The Fog" appears to have been conceived and written in a thick murk, indeed. It takes us back to Antonio Bay, where atrocious things happened a century ago upon a schooner filled with lepers, the lot of which now, as rotting ghosts hidden by banks of fog, are eager to seek revenge on the descendants of those who did them wrong so long ago.

Those descendants include Nick Castle (Tom Welling of "Smallville"), who looks as if he stepped out of a Polo ad instead of off a fishing boat; Selma Blair in the Adrienne Barbeau role of radio host Stevie Wayne, who delivers her lines as if she just swallowed a bottle of Valium; and Maggie Grace as Nick's girlfriend Elizabeth, who is so benign, she will remind no one of Jamie Lee Curtis' energetic performance in the superior original, which had a power this movie lacks.

Fresh off the success of "Halloween," Carpenter embraced his movie's low-budget, B-movie vibe and ran with it. He produced a cheap creepy, using the tricks of the trade to full effect; 25 years after first seeing it, I still can recall Barbeau in her lighthouse, still can see the fog as it rolled into Antonio Bay, still can hear the clang of the fish hooks and Curtis' piercing shriek as the dead once again had their way with her.

Twenty-five minutes after leaving this forgettable movie, I was only grateful that I had my notes.

Grade: D