Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor: Movie Review (2008)

Directed by Rob Cohen, written by Alfred Gough and Miles Millar, 112 minutes, rated PG-13.

The new Rob Cohen movie, “Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor,” is the third installment in “The Mummy” franchise. And just listen to those fans cheer!

Insert awkward silence here.

The movie has a few things going for it--most notably the terrific Michelle Yeoh (“Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”), who Hollywood is seriously overlooking as a leading dramatic actress, and a game Brendan Fraser, who has whipped himself back into his “George of the Jungle” body, which proves enough to get him through the big set pieces and (*cough*) all that inspired writing.

Beyond these two, the film is nothing special, nothing risible, nothing memorable, nothing that’s going to last long at the cineplex. In spite of its massive budget (upwards of $200 million), the whole effort just evaporates onscreen, which is almost worse than if it had been an outright bomb. At least you’d remember the bomb. This movie? Let’s just say I’m happy to have my notes.

Set in 1946, the film picks up with Rick (Fraser) and Evelyn O’Connell (Maria Bello, taking over for Rachel Weisz) itching to ditch their self-imposed retirement and get back into the old swing of things. Since in their line of work, that generally means fighting the undead, they do so not in Egypt but in China. There, the Dragon Emperor (Jet Li) and his terra-cotta army are about to unleash all sorts of chaos when they’re unearthed by Rick and Evelyn’s son, Alex (Luke Ford, thick as mud), who appears to be just a shade younger than each because, in real life, the actor is.

His casting is just one of the movie’s major missteps--sorry, but exactly how old were Rick and Evelyn when they conceived him? Like, maybe, 10 or 12? Each time they’re all onscreen together, that question is the elephant in the room, so it’s good that Yeoh is there to offer a distraction and deepen the proceedings as a 2,000-year-old sorceress determined to stop the Dragon Emperor cold. To do so, she’ll work alongside her daughter, Lin (Isabella Leong), but plenty will be at stake for each, including the potential for losing their immortality.

Cohen (“Stealth,” “The Fast and the Furious”) based the film on Alfred Gough and Miles Millar’s script, and what he offers is something that railed out of the more-is-more, bigger-is-better school of filmmaking.

Too bad he forgot to bring the “better” part of the equation. While the energetic ending does feature some well-done special effects as two undead armies collide in a battle inspired by “Braveheart,” too much of the rest of the film is reminiscent of a creaky old carnival ride.

Let’s call that ride “The Mummie Dearest.” You can slap all the fresh paint you want on this relic, pinch its pixilated cheeks, dust off its binary code and toss it back under the spotlight, but beneath it all are such rusty bolts and hinges, some will question why they climbed aboard this mother in the first place.

Grade: C-