Sharon Stone Claims Meryl Streep is Popular Because She is a Mess

By our guest blogger, Marie Biondolillo

In a recent interview, Sharon Stone told Tatler magazine that she thinks Meryl Streep’s popularity is due to her “relatable” (i.e., lousy) looks.

"I think that's why Meryl Streep is working so much, because she looks like a woman we can all relate to," Stone said.

"I look at her and I think, 'I'm chasing my kids, I've moved my parents in with me, I'm coping with food spills--that looks like me in real life'. Meryl looks like an unmade bed, and that's what I look like. To me, that looks true."

Stone went on to claim that she herself has never had plastic surgery or had to diet.

The problem with this interview is it is composed of 10% lies and 90% more lies. Unlike Meryl Streep, the average woman does not have a B.A. from Vassar and an M.F.A. from Yale. She hasn’t been nominated for more Academy Awards than any other actor in history, and she probably hasn’t worked with everybody from Robert Altman to Wes Anderson. Meryl Streep is a lot of things, but she’s not exactly the girl next door.

Also, it’s safe to say that Sharon Stone had more than her fair share of plastic surgery--she may look great, but nowadays, she’s pretty much made entirely of Fimo, diet pills and piano wire. It’s hard not to conclude that somebody might be drunk on Sour-grape-atinis.

However, Sharon has inspired me to come up with some shaky rationalizations of my own. In honor of Ms. Stone, I’d like to present the . . .


10. Sharon Stone is so darn pretty that she intimidates directors. They'd rather ask some boring average girl like Meryl to star in their movies, because they're afraid that Sharon will turn them down and it will be sooo embarrassing.

9. Sharon Stone is just too young to get cast in movies. Directors won't look twice at you if you're a day under 58.

8. Most movie studios know that if you want to pull in that valuable 14-25 male demographic, you've got to cast a star with a rigorously expert command of regional accents, not some dumb blonde sex symbol.

7. Unlike Meryl Streep, who's always starring in any damn thing, Sharon Stone's standards are way too high. You can't ask the star of "Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol" to appear in some dumb made-for-TV movie.  You know, like "Angels in America."

6. Meryl Streep is just famous for being famous. She's always making out with Tila Tequila live over Twitter or releasing night-vision sex tapes. Sharon Stone is too classy to pull stunts like that; unfortunately, taking the trashy "Meryl Streep route" is the only way to make it in Hollywood these days.

5. Meryl Streep has a deviated septum, which she refuses to have fixed and which directors have to work around by avoiding certain angles in close-ups. They don't mind because directors love actresses with weird facial flaws. Sharon Stone's face is too "eerily perfect" to be "photogenic."

4. A little-known fact about most film producers is that they are actually made out of iron filings. In 1992, Meryl Streep melted down her 900 Oscars in order to construct a giant magnet, which she uses to attract prestigious executive producers into her orbit. Since they cannot escape her magnetic pull, they decide that they might as well let her star in Wes Anderson and Robert Altman joints. Poor Sharon Stone does not possess such a magnet.  For that alone, let's all have a moment of silence.

3. The studio is refusing to make “Basic Instinct 3” unless Michael Cera signs on, and everybody knows he’s already committed to starring opposite Streep in “Out of Africa 2: Seriously, Let’s Get the Heck Out of Africa For Real.”

2. Meryl Streep’s godfather, M. Emmett Walsh, will leave a severed racehorse head in your bed if you don’t cast her. Just ask Spike Jonze.

1. Just like teenage girls, casting directors always will pick a vampire over a werewolf.

Source.